The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business Paperback – January 7, 2014

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The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business Paperback – January 7, 2014

Product Details

  • Amazon.com Sold on
  • 081298160X Amazon ASIN
  • Categories

    Books, Health, Fitness & Dieting, Psychology & Counseling

Reddit Reviews and Recommendations

  • 243 Reviews
  • June 29, 2019 Last Review Date
  • Jan. 13, 2014 First Seen Review Date
  • 111 Reviewed on Subreddits

    getdisciplined (17)
    loseit (15)
    Fitness (13)
    NoFap (11)
    ADHD (10)
    DecidingToBeBetter (7)
    stopdrinking (7)
    LifeProTips (6)
    GetMotivated (5)
    financialindependence (5)
    and 101 more...

Discussion and Reviews on Reddit

How to make Straight A’s while working full time. Tips please [R]

2 weeks, 6 days agoUltimateTeam posted submission on college.
June 29, 2019

I have a 15 credit course load next semester. 3 of my classes are online while 2 are in class. Outta the 5 I only have two that might give me trouble. I’ll be working between 35 and 40 hours a week not including weekends most time. I’m as of right now been reading books on time management and self studying to get prepared for classes as well starting to make habits and keep them so I can be scheduled but I was wondering if it’s possible to make straight A’s as a full time student while working full time. Are their any tips you guys can give me or any books y’all can recommend. Everything is appreciated. Thanks for reading and responding.

2 weeks, 6 days agoUltimateTeam posted comment on college.
June 29, 2019

This one: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

I would just find it at a library or somewhere. I never buy books, always just borrow.

Day 3650. I need help. [R]

1 month agoMystik-Palace posted submission on loseit.
June 17, 2019

First off, I tried to read all the rules, but if I missed something and this is inappropriate, I'm sorry. I'm also on mobile , so typos definitely incoming.

I'm 23(f), and obese at 180cm tall and 110kg. I've been chubby almost my whole life. As a child it was a constant struggle of my mother telling me not to eat, while still taking me to eat dinner at McDonalds 5 days a week. Everyone in my family is overweight, so it seemed normal to me and I though everyone just tried to lose weight all the time, and that it just didnt work as well for some people. I was always very active (thanks to my mom wanting me to lose weight). I was in a swimming club and trained 2 hours almost every day from age 9 to 16. At 13 I started realizing I was actually bigger than my friends, and I wanted to do something about it. I exercised daily already, but I started skipping breakfast. Soon I realized I didn't need lunch either. At this point, I must have technically lost weight, but I also grew taller. At 14, I was 175 cm and 58kg, towering over everyone else. If you're not aware already, kids don't know the difference between tall and fat. I was teased mercilessly, and I gave up on dieting. Obviously it didn't help, so I might as well eat what I want, right?

Lol, nope. Between giving up and having my mom constantly telling me I needed to watch my weight, I started eating whatever I could, always in secret. It felt nice, knowing I was "sticking it" to my mom, who would have flipped out if she knew what I was eating (at this point she had had a gastric bypass done, and felt superior to everyone for having lost weight). After a while the weight caught up with my height, and with interest at that. I absolutely hated myself. To make matters worse, at 16 I ended up with mono (kissing disease), and wasn't allowed to exercise at all for a full year. I yoyoed between dieting and binging, and stayed on an average about 15kg overweight. At 17 I went abroad for a year, and finally being more independent, I managed to drop to a healthy weight. I was miserable though. The fat girl in me was still in the mirror every time I looked at myself, and I felt like it was all a waste. It didnt matter how hard I worked. I was doomed to be overweight.

When I came back home, my mom's unhealthy attitude turned me back to overeating, and I quickly gained the weight back, and then some. I also started taking various medicines for anxiety and depression that definitely did not make losing weight any easier. When I finally moved away for college, I was officially obese. It's been 4 years, and my weight is the same as the day I moved out. Sure, I've lost probably 100 kgs, but always in intervals of losing 10-15kgs and then gaining them back.

People like to tell me to use smaller plates, or to go for regular walks. Eat some vegetables, and drink a lot of water. Cook your own food, you'll save money in the process! Count your calories, it's all that matters.

I've been dieting for 10 years. Do you honestly think I'm not doing those things? Or that I just didn't know that "one simple trick" already?

I know how to lose weight.

I don't know how to not give up halfway.

But for real though, r/loseit is a wonderful community, and I've been lurking ever since I joined reddit. If someone is in the same boat, can we be friends? I need someone to tell me to put my fork down.

1 month agoMystik-Palace posted comment on loseit.
June 17, 2019

Decided it was time to start defining my own future today... Sorry for the sloppy handwriting🤗 [R]

4 months, 2 weeks agoRtalbert235 posted submission on productivity.
March 1, 2019
4 months, 2 weeks agoRtalbert235 posted comment on productivity.
March 2, 2019

I'll second that, and add that porn can be not only an addiction but also a habit, which means that there are hacks you can implement to short-circuit the cue/craving/response/reward cycle that leads to porn consumption and addiction. For example if you notice that you tend to consume porn when you are working alone and feeling lonely (the cue), then when you notice the craving start you can choose a different behavior --- call up someone for a conversation, or just immediately pack up and head to a public space to continue working where you can be around other people.

I highly recommend as a first step to read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and/or Atomic Habits by James Clear ad keep "the pornography habit" in mind when you do. Either of those two books will be of help to you in a larger sense as you progress toward your goals.

Daniel Radcliffe Says He Used to Get "Very Drunk" to Deal with Harry Potter Fame [R]

4 months, 4 weeks agolaMuerte5 posted submission on entertainment.
Feb. 20, 2019
4 months, 4 weeks agolaMuerte5 posted comment on entertainment.
Feb. 20, 2019

There is a great book about this. The Power of Habit. I recommend it for someone that is trying to understand why you can’t stop doing dumb shit you know is bad for you.

Noen her som ikke jobber eller studerer? [R]

5 months, 1 week agomakba posted submission on norge.
Feb. 10, 2019

Hva gjør dere istedenfor? Hvordan havnet dere i den situasjonen?

5 months, 1 week agomakba posted comment on norge.
Feb. 11, 2019

Enkleste ja, men velger man alltid den enkleste veien blir man som regel ulykkelig. Du har ingenting å tape på å forbedre deg. Vil anbefale deg å lese litt bøker.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10865206-the-willpower-instinct

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

How can I stop bad habits? [R]

5 months, 2 weeks agoPerpetually_Sick posted submission on NoStupidQuestions.
Jan. 31, 2019

I clench my jaw, bite my nails, chew my bottom lip/cheeks. I haven't really been this aware of any of this until a couple weeks ago, and I'm driving myself insane. I've been doing these things for years and I'm fed up lmao. Any tips on stopping these things?

5 months, 2 weeks agoPerpetually_Sick posted comment on NoStupidQuestions.
Jan. 31, 2019

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_joTuCbWS1FCN5

Try this resource. I found it to be an insightful read

What's a meaningful gift for a 15 year old? [R]

8 months, 3 weeks agoImAllAloneHere posted submission on business.
Oct. 31, 2018

Hello!

My godson is a 15 years old male. Like many kids his age he is primarily into games, soccer, and his phone. Although he comes from a working class family, he doesn't see how hard his parents' work to afford the lifestyle he has. He's a good kid in every way but his focus on material goods frustrate me. His family are encouraging him to work when he reaches the legal age. Hopefully that will show him how money really works.

For Christmas, I'd like to get him something that is more meaningful then another trendy thing or expensive "must have" technology. In the past, I've bought him fiction books I liked at his age or other toys that focus on learning. He shows an interest in business and making profit off sales. I'd like to gift him a fun and compelling thing/ experience/ opportunity that might be able to teach him something about business.

I apologize if this is the wrong place to post. If I should be posting elsewhere, please let me know!

Thanks in advance!

Many of you guys here wonder how does a purely calisthenics physique look like. Here is my example. [R]

8 months, 3 weeks agocuko posted submission on bodyweightfitness.
Oct. 28, 2018

https://imgur.com/a/B7eijOUThis is what my body looks like. I've been training calisthenics for many years, but never followed a strict diet or even exercise plan. I eat whatever I like, sometimes up to 4000 kcal a day. I just do pull ups and dips 2-3 times a week (without additional weight) and do running on the rest of the days. Never touched weights in my life. I suppose that's how most average people will look like following my simple routine.

My regular training session lasts anywhere from 40 minutes to 1 hour, and I think it's a huge bonus if you want to spare your time on going to the gym. I'm also extremely strong in pull ups, probably in 0.0001% of the population strengthwise, just because I've been doing them for so many years. Once I decided to test my sheer pulling strength by doing pull ups with 64 kgs of added weight. I did 6 clean pull ups. Also 12 pull ups with 48kg and 23 with 20 kg. Same goes for dips, I had no problem doing 27 dips with 20 kgs on a belt. Also on one occasion I visited a gym just to test compound lifts. Bench pressed 5 reps with 100 kg, did 2 reps of 140 kg deadlift, and 4 reps with 100 kg squat (although I was surprisingly strong in doing 80 kg squat - cranked 28 reps doing it for the first time, so I guess distance running gives you some strength endurance). OHP was my weakest lift - I did only 1 rep with 55 kgs. My weight fluctuates from 175 to 180 lbs. I guess if I followed a strict diet plan I would look much better, but it is too bothersome.

8 months, 3 weeks agocuko posted comment on bodyweightfitness.
Oct. 29, 2018

Try to build habits rather than focusing on how to motivate or discipline yourself, easier to pick up and roll with imo. Cue Power of Habit and Transform Your Habits reading recommendations!

For the love of God where is my discipline ? [R]

9 months, 2 weeks agorshackleford161 posted submission on NoFap.
Oct. 7, 2018

I was doing great , my confidence was building up . I was getting shit done , everything was fine , and today I made a friend of mine quite angry over a joke and then naturally I was kinda emotional because I didn't think my friend would be insulted . And BOOM I masturbated . Didn't watch a lot of porn thankfully , a few images and then decided " you wanna do it? Fine , no porn " and so I did but I am angry at my self for no control over my urges especially when I know why I am vulnerable . Anyway I ain't giving up , reset, go . 90 days . No excuses .

9 months, 2 weeks agorshackleford161 posted comment on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2018

Glad I could help. I also remembered a book today that I found enormously helpful both in this area and for life in general, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Amazon) (YouTube). Creating better habits helps us both develop our discipline but then not need as much discipline, so now we can use that excess discipline for something else.

Finally and after more than 7 years, I did it. I fucking did it. I hit the 90 days mark. My life was never better. Fuck porn. I'll never watch that shit ever again. Ever. [R]

9 months, 2 weeks agorshackleford161 posted submission on NoFap.
Oct. 7, 2018

Ps.. thank you everyone posting on this sub, your posts does matter. Peace.

9 months, 2 weeks agorshackleford161 posted comment on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2018

I'm glad you feel helped. Some more quick thoughts -- focus on the improvement but don't forget to continue to continue to improve and refine your practices. The ability to focus your thoughts and change your patterns is a skill, like any other. Don't expect to be great at focusing your thoughts on your progress right away, but with sustained & deliberate effort you can change yourself for the better. Just as you HAD a habit of PMOing you have a habit of negative thinking. You can change it. I found The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Amazon) (YouTube) to be extremely helpful here.

​

Also, the idea is not that you write a million contingency plans for PMO but that you make sure you have alternatives that are easy to remember, easy to do, easy to see the inherent value of, and easy to enjoy. Then you've really primed yourself every day for success.

LPT: Motivation fails, habits succeed. Willpower fails, planning succeeds. If a thing matters to you, don't rely on motivation or willpower. Plan, and form a habit. [R]

10 months agoMaestroPendejo posted submission on LifeProTips.
Sept. 21, 2018

[removed]

10 months agoMaestroPendejo posted comment on LifeProTips.
Sept. 21, 2018

The OP is 100% on the mark, folks. People underestimate how hard wired we are for habits. A wonderfully easy read really drives this home and provides a lot of great information on how to fundamentally change your life in better ways.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

The "why does my house stink" Starter Pack [R]

10 months agozoosee1812 posted submission on starterpacks.
Sept. 17, 2018
10 months agozoosee1812 posted comment on starterpacks.
Sept. 17, 2018

Febreze was originally intended to be odorless then changed because people with smelly houses get used to the smells. They talk about it in the book The Power Of Habit in a lot of detail in one of the chapters.

I've lost 30 pounds, and can't talk about it. [R]

10 months, 2 weeks agoSideAccountForMeeeee posted submission on loseit.
Sept. 6, 2018

Six months ago, my wife and I decided we would work together to try to improve our health and diet, lose some carelessly gained weight, and in doing all of this, become better models of self-care for our son.

As of today, I've lost nearly 30 pounds. I've cut out a lot of dairy, breads, pastas, and the biggest demon for me—late night snacks.

My wife has gained 15 pounds. She's become depressed, she's gone beyond losing interest in our efforts and now treads toward "who cares, if I'm going to be fat, I may as well eat Oreos for dinner" territory.

I've found I can barely discuss any part of this topic with her — food, exercise, health, progress, goals, etc. I just want her to be happy with herself. It wouldn't matter to me if she dieted or didn't or ate Oreos or whatever. But I think she resents me for (so far) succeeding at this effort, and beats up on herself for what she calls "failing" at it.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe others have had similar experiences. Maybe I just want to find a venue to say this stuff. I don't know. Maybe this will disappear into the downvote cellar where no one will even see it.

Regardless, have a nice day, and keep up the good work.

10 months, 2 weeks agoSideAccountForMeeeee posted comment on loseit.
Sept. 6, 2018

Oh yes, I did this about 7 months ago. I took control of my own habits. My weight plateaued (sometimes increased) for about 8 weeks while I was doing this. But then I noticed it became easier to say, "No I don't want to eat that," because I was able to control my choices better. Very slowly and gradually I noticed I started to change my choices. Veryyyyy slowly. But it happened.

Took 7 months to fully make that change and start seeing results. Today I am only 15lbs away from my goal, so I am very close to where I want to be! I'm happy with where I am. Doc says I'm very healthy and on track.

My approach came from a different angle. It wasn't "weight loss" persay, it was instead all focused on "my habits". This book talks about the science of how your brain creates and uses habits. Educating myself on this helped me a lot.

Everything is AWFUL and I’m Not Okay: Questions to ask before giving up on yourself [R]

11 months, 3 weeks agomtufan posted submission on ADHD.
Aug. 3, 2018

i have this printed (first page) and it's on my fridge door. it helps me now and then.i thought it might help some other fellow ADHDer too.

PDF: Everything is AWFUL and I’m Not Okay: Questions to ask before giving up on yourself

  • Edit: btw,

this is the original post: http://eponis.tumblr.com/post/113798088670/everything-is-awful-and-im-not-okay-questions-to

and the original pdf: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6A2F5ky9SELU0Zfd05YMEpyNUk/view

11 months, 2 weeks agomtufan posted comment on ADHD.
Aug. 3, 2018
  • i can recommend this book: The Power of Habit
    (it's fun to read but if you can't, there is also summary version available on amazon)
  • also there are "hydration reminder" bottles which remind you to take a sip. that is of course, if you don't forget to take the bottle with you in the first place :)
    e.g. Smart Water Bottle
  • to remind you to take the bottle, you can use a bluetooth tracker (like chipolo, tile etc.)

LPT: Behavioral scientists say that we need about 21 days to make/break a habit. So if you can go 21 days without something, you won't need it anymore. [R]

1 year agoSlapbox posted submission on LifeProTips.
July 15, 2018

[removed]

1 year agoSlapbox posted comment on LifeProTips.
July 16, 2018

I think this book talks about it, but I can't recall with certainty. The Power of Habit

I've definitely read a similar hypothesis somewhere if it's not there, and personally I believe it. Nature abhors a vacuum.

Day 1, first post [R]

1 year agoJuly 11, 2018

[deleted]

1 year agonhexum posted comment on loseit.
July 11, 2018

This sub has a lot of resources, including what's in the automod response to your post.

I like this book quite a bit https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr12?ie=UTF8&qid=1531340533&sr=8-2&keywords=the+power+of+habit

A cautionary tale for other beginners. [R]

1 year agoriomarde posted submission on Fitness.
July 10, 2018

[removed]

1 year agoriomarde posted comment on Fitness.
July 10, 2018

The book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg is really good. It taught me more about why I habits work. I think it is easier to think about the concept of habits with other people than it is to apply it to your own self.

Lifting and nutrition advice [R]

1 year, 1 month agoCubicleCunt posted submission on veganfitness.
June 16, 2018

Hi all, I'm a 26F, 5'6", about 128 lbs and have been trying to gain muscle for about 1.5 years now. I feel like my progress has never really "taken off" and need some advice. I work out 4 times a week, about 30 minutes of weights, 20-30 minutes of light cardio. My days are broken into back/shoulder, arms/chest, core, and legs. My current focus is to build my shoulders and get rid of my "banana roll". However, for example, I can shoulder press about 15 lbs per arm for 3 sets of 12 reps...similar stats for all other arm workouts. I'm not nearly as toned as I'd like to be and only get slightly sore. My first thought is to lift heavier, but my form goes completely out the window... On another note, I eat on average about 1600 calories a day, living a plant-based lifestyle. I just calculated my TDEE and it's 1931. I know I should eat more and focus on getting more protein, but am hesitant. Hoping others with similar compositions can share what works for them.... Thanks!

1 year, 1 month agoCubicleCunt posted comment on veganfitness.
June 17, 2018

Cutting is easier when you have more muscle. At only a 250 calorie deficit, the energy loss isn't too bad, but I don't try to push any of my lifts, just maintain. I've used several techniques to stop bulks from getting out of hand

  • Eat what you usually eat on the bulk, but add calories from something boring like plain rice, unsalted peanuts, microwaved potatoes. I don't season any of the added calories at all so I'm not tempted to overeat.
  • Ease the transitions between cuts and bulks. In the past, I've spent about a week in transition mode. Otherwise, I'm *starving* on the first few days of the cut and *exploding* on the first few of the bulk. I do things a little differently now, I'll explain that too.
  • Eat less calorically dense foods on the cut to prevent hunger and the temptation to just leave the fat there. Fill up on veggies and keep oils and fatty things down. One pound of broccoli is about 300 calories and fills up a huge bowl. I definitely prefer that to about 2 ounces of peanuts. Others find keto to be excellent for reducing hunger, but I prefer high carb.
  • Don't stop lifting when you cut. It's always harder than you think it'll be to start back up again. Consistency is key even if the performance isn't 100% there. I liked this book about creating and maintaining habits for more information on that.
  • Have a plan. Don't just start eating more or less without having some end goal in mind whether it's a certain weight, a lift PR, or when you'd have to start looking for new pants.

So all that said, I don't do 250 calorie deficit cuts anymore. I loath cutting and like to get it over with as fast as possible. I've been doing intermittent fasting for about a year now and like it for reasons other than weight loss. So on my last cut, instead of running a deficit, I just fasted for 5 days on my scheduled deload week. Yes, my lifts suffered, but since it was a deload week, it didn't matter, and my strength came right back after I ate again. I actually felt phenomenal after I figured out how much electrolytes to supplement with. Fasting isn't for everyone though, and most people think I'm nuts. But it works for me.

I (27M) am in a LDR with a girl (21F) I met while traveling, we had known each other before, she has depression and I'm really finding it hard to manage her breakdowns. What to do? How to deal and help her? [R]

1 year, 1 month agotereza_tt posted submission on relationship_advice.
May 28, 2018

I went about 5 months ago to visit another country and I met someone who I'd been talking for some time already, it was very nice and we got to meet each other within the 4 months before we took the choice of starting a relationship, since I was planning to go back after finishing some paperwork in my home country.

She had already told me she never had a relationship before, as for myself, I had some but it'd been some time since the last one, everything was good for many days, and I think both of us really love each other, since we found someone who truly cares for each other.

She told me since the beginning she deals with depression, no wonder because I know her culture is very traditional and that since she was a child her mother used to tell her she was ugly, dumb, and too tall to find a boyfriend/husband ever. Also she was bullied at school quite a lot, all in all perfect recipe for having self-esteem issues.

I always do my best to help her realize she's actually very smart and that she's beautiful, and that I am in love with her as a person, and I truly want to be with her, etc. But every 2 weeks or a month she has a breakdown in which she starts crying and telling me I should find someone better, she's not a good choice and after a one hour talk she calms down and goes to sleep and the next day, sometimes is good, sometimes it's just a bit better.

Yet, sometimes the things go wrong and she starts trying to push me away saying mean stuff and like "I will never change, I will be mean to you, I'm a horrible person and you should leave me" or says she feels guilty when she's with me because I deserve more and that she feels bad, one time she blocked me until some hours ago and I was very worried but she realized that I'm truly wanting to be with her while she gets out of it and to show her she's worth.

But I'm at a point where I don't know if I'm actually helping her or how to deal with this, I don't know if just letting her go when she tries to push me away, if I'm hurting her more than helping, if one day she will not be able to cope with this depression and she'll just block me and I'll never know about her again (which worries the shit out of me, not because I wouldn't be with her but because I'm worried she could feel way worse), or if I should just try harder to show her I'm here to fight this with her.

I would appreciate your opinion on what should I do, how to deal with this. Thank you, reddit.

TLDR: I'm in a LDR, girl has a huge depression after being bullied and told she's not good enough even by her family, and gets really bad breakdowns, she cries till sleeping and sometimes tries to push me away so I can find someone who deserves me more, and I don't know what to do or how to deal with this.

1 year, 1 month agotereza_tt posted comment on relationship_advice.
May 29, 2018

She urgently needs to understand that for the relationship to work she has to know how to be someone alone. And in order to be able to assume our individuality in a relationship we need to find our strengths, to value ourselves and to accept whatever is less good.

You seem to be doing what you can do in a situation like this. Now it's her turn to stop denying the ability to go on and do something.

Is she self-taught enough? If so, she could explore in books or on the net things she could apply to lessen her lack of confidence. I would advise Neuroscience books to the general public in which they speak of real cases of people who through self-motivation have been able to completely change their way of being. It is important for her to realize that we are not made in an unchangeable way, that we are able to change much of what we are. (This, for example: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X)

If she does not have the self-taught side, then maybe she should do some therapy sessions ...

Successful Leaves Member [~ 2 years] [R]

1 year, 1 month ago[deleted] posted submission on leaves.
May 22, 2018

If I could pass one piece of advice to anyone looking to quit it is the following:

Replace your smoking hobby with a new hobby. You MUST do this or your efforts will only work out temporarily, if at all.

It might be useful to imagine someone trying to quit eating fast food and deciding the best way to do it was to just never eat again. Clearly, it would be better for them to start eating other forms of food, ideally healthy ones, if they wish to succeed.

Willpower alone is not enough. Be creative and start a new hobby.

1 year, 1 month ago[deleted] posted comment on leaves.
May 23, 2018

Got this book https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

It has a lot of good information on the importance of habits and how they change.

People who have consistently fallen off the wagon in the past and finally found a way to stay on for good, what is the most important thing you've learned about building a habit? [R]

1 year, 2 months agoholybad posted submission on Fitness.
May 4, 2018

I find I can get stuck into regular exercise for three-four months, then when work/life gets in the way I fall out of the habit and stop for six months to a year at a time.

Would be interested in hearing how people who battled this have found a way around it! And, from what my IRL friends say, finding a way to STAY in a habit is the hardest thing for them getting into exercise too.

Hope this thread can help other people too!

1 year, 2 months agoholybad posted comment on Fitness.
May 4, 2018

Need advice [R]

1 year, 2 months agoMay 2, 2018

Today I quit every game except league of legends, I legit never want anything to do with gaming anymore except with League. 15+ years of being hardcore addicted to video games and I cannot stand it. Been through some sad shit in life and Ive always come back to gaming for hours like a zombie, been like this everyday for years,

I have absolutely no doubts in my ability to leave all this behind me but I do want some ideas and things of that nature to help me discover hobbies and ways to advance my life to stay busy. How do I move on with my life as fast as possible. Any advice you have to offer me I will appreciate.

( about LoL, the reason I keep league is because I do not have issues with it, I dont play it daily and never will. I have specific times when I would like to play a game because it is alot like chess to me, I need to use my brain and think ahead instead of mindlessly sitting there for hours.)

1 year, 2 months agoBortag posted comment on StopGaming.
May 3, 2018

Become habitual about other things in your life the same way you did with gaming and it will come. I recommend this book right here: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1525330653&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

/r/Serbia Sveopšta diskusija za početak nedelje (early week random discussion) - Apr 30, 2018 [R]

1 year, 2 months agoinglorious posted submission on serbia.
April 29, 2018

Sveopšta nasumična diskusija za ponedeljak i utorak. Šta ima novo? Jel mrzite ponedeljak? Ispričajte nešto smešno, jer ovo je mesto za to.

1 year, 2 months agoinglorious posted comment on serbia.
April 30, 2018

Daily Discussion Thread: 04/22/2018 [R]

1 year, 2 months agoSams_Big_Balls_Dance posted submission on bodybuilding.
April 22, 2018

Feel free to post things in the Daily Discussion Thread that don't warrant a subreddit-level discussion. Although most of our posting rules will be relaxed here, you should still consider your audience when posting. Most importantly, show respect to your fellow redditors. General redditiquette always applies.

View this thread live.

1 year, 2 months agoSams_Big_Balls_Dance posted comment on bodybuilding.
April 23, 2018

Some ideas from self-help books might resonate with certain people, so in that sense, they're not a scam. Personally, I've gotten more from books that aren't specifically "self-help," but focus more on a certain topic and help shine a light on why we think the way we do and some potential ways to change that way of thinking. A few examples:

The Power of Habit

Thinking Fast and Slow

The Like Switch

I also read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and got nothing out of it, but I see lots of glowing reviews for it, so some people must have enjoyed it.

Self help/emotions/mental health [R]

1 year, 3 months agoHPLovecraft39 posted submission on booksuggestions.
April 19, 2018

any books that give good advice, tell stories, plain old interesting, makes you feel like you are in control of your life, anything hahah

1 year, 3 months agoHPLovecraft39 posted comment on booksuggestions.
April 20, 2018

[The power of Habit by Charles Duhigg] (https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524254597&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit)

[How to be Miserable by Randy Paterson] (https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Miserable-Strategies-Already/dp/1626254060/ref=sr11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524254447&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+be+miserable+40+strategies+you+already+use)

[Triggers by Mark Reiter] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0804141231/?coliid=I1IO9M9EK6B817&colid=2ODOB46M901X0&psc=0)

F/29/5'4" [156lbs > 142lbs = 14lbs] (3 months) Changing my life one habit at a time! [R]

1 year, 3 months agoTigerlily1510 posted submission on progresspics.
April 14, 2018
1 year, 3 months agoTigerlily1510 posted comment on progresspics.
April 14, 2018

My journey started when I discovered the book "The Power of Habits" by Charles Duhigg. It made me realize that if I wanted to make long-lasting changes in my life, I needed to turn good habits into automatic actions. Nowadays, eating well, working out, taking care of skin and hair... it all feels like second nature!

In terms of weight loss, I eat mostly low-carb and do intermittent fasting (16:8). I don't count calories, but I write down everything I eat in a food journal to keep myself accountable. Eating low-carb has killed my sugar cravings and has helped me feel more energetic and satiated. (No more carb crashes in the afternoon!) Doing intermittent fasting has put a stop to my night-time snacking, and it has helped me maintain a good CICO deficit without having to count calories.

In terms of fitness, I workout four times per week: two days of weightlifting and two days of HiiT Cardio. I also do two days of light yoga for flexibility and relaxation. I have recently achieved my first set of fitness goals. I can now hold a plank for a minute, wall sit for a minute, and do 10 real push-ups. Oh and I can touch my toes standing! I am excited to set new goals for this summer!

Ma'am, your daughter is pregnant, even if you say she isn't. [R]

1 year, 4 months agoRazzKaiser32 posted submission on TalesFromTheCustomer.
March 12, 2018

So this isn't my story, and sorry if the format sucks, FTP, LTL and am on mobile. I'm not sure if this is the correct subreddit, but I felt it may fit. TL;DR at the bottom.

So a little bit of background. At the hospital I got to, they have different "clinics" for the different insurance companies (the major ones at least), so if you are covered by that insurance you don't have to wait in the ER. Now they keep the same triage nurses on rotation in these clinics, so if you go there often (I got many sport related injuries and went every couple of weeks or months) the nurses get to know you, and you know them, which is nice.

So I was about 18 when I had gone once, and one of the friendlier nurses remembered me and started chatting while taking my temperature and blood pressure etc. She asked who I came with and I mentioned I came by myself, and she was like "Ah! You are so mature! I have 20 something year olds still being brought in by their mums!"

I looked at her like "are you for real?! ", and she proceeded to tell me a story about how a couple of weeks back, a 22 year old girl was brought in by her mum, and the girl was attending one of the local universities. So the girl told her her symptoms, she got sent to the doctor, the doctor gave her meds, and they went on their way, normal protocol. A couple of days later the pair return, saying the symptoms have gotten worse, and the meds aren't helping.

So the doctor sees them again,and orders some tests which the nurse must do. The nurse suggests a pregnancy test before performing the other tests, as they were more invasive. The doctor agrees.

Keep in mind I live in Kenya, where something like 84% of the population are devout Christians, and pre marital sex is hiiiighly looked down upon.

So the nurse tells the girl and her mother that she wants to perform a pregnancy test first, if it is negative, then she will proceed with the other tests. The mother goes on a rampage saying how daaaare she accuse her baaaby of having sex, and no she refuses to let her do the test,her insurance won't even cover it, now the nurse wants her to start spending more money, the nurse isn't even a doctor, who does she think she is, blah blah blah.

The nurse really feels that the symptoms are a side effect of a pregnancy,and is trying to save them money by not doing the invasive tests. The nurse calmly pulls 1000ksh ( $1 = ±100ksh) out of her purse, looks at the mum dead in the eye and tells her "Here, go buy a pregnancy test. I am telling you now, I refuse to do anything else for your daughter until she takes this test."

The mother grabs the money, goes and gets the test, lo and behold! The test is positive! The nurse is then able to prescribe some other meds for the daughter, the mum quietly tries to hand money back to the nurse, who refuses to take it saying she doesn't need it, at least she was able to help her patient. The mother doesn't apologise or anything, grabs the daughters hand (who looks terrified might I add) and walks out of the hospital.

TL,DR: Nurse suggests a pregnancy test for a 22 year old female brought in by her mother in a highly religious country. Mother gets offended, yells and insults nurse, who then proceeds to give her money for the pregnancy test,which turned out to be positive.

1 year, 4 months agoRazzKaiser32 posted comment on TalesFromTheCustomer.
March 12, 2018

Yes, I remember that to, I think I read that in some book. It is both funny and a little bit scary how easily they can out put us into categories.

Edit: The book i read it in is called Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

Part of the discrete rich, the 1%. AMA. [R]

1 year, 4 months agojhnkvn posted submission on Philippines.
March 1, 2018

Hi r/Philippines, after a couple of drinks with a fellow redditor friend discussing the some previous AMAs, here is his request for me to do.

We are part of the 1% of the country's richest -- a little bit under the radar lang nga as with most of our kind. Unlike the usual showbiz personalities, you won't see us in the media nor in the newspapers and we're entirely devoid of the glitz and glamour in exchange for our grandchildren not having to worry where to find food for their entire life. Ask away?

Due to people asking for proof: 2011 US stock portfolio; Access to private concierges (Quintessentially, Ten Group, etc.) and XXXXX (invite-only membership; liquid USD $5m minimum). Kindly understand I cannot show numbers directly for confidentiality.

Note: Should be "discreet" but I can't do anything on the typo.


Changelog

  • 2018-03-02 10:35PM - AMA now closed
  • 2018-03-04 3:18AM - Removed links on burden of proof
1 year, 4 months agojhnkvn posted comment on Philippines.
March 1, 2018
  1. Habit and The Millionaire Mind are extremely good reads

  2. I'm fond of indian sitting

  3. Linkin Park and Eminem
  4. Very much
  5. I do take it into consideration
  6. I manage my own investments
  7. Be fluent enough in business Mandarin

Part of the discrete rich, the 1%. AMA. [R]

1 year, 4 months agojhnkvn posted submission on Philippines.
March 1, 2018

Hi r/Philippines, after a couple of drinks with a fellow redditor friend discussing the some previous AMAs, here is his request for me to do.

We are part of the 1% of the country's richest -- a little bit under the radar lang nga as with most of our kind. Unlike the usual showbiz personalities, you won't see us in the media nor in the newspapers and we're entirely devoid of the glitz and glamour in exchange for our grandchildren not having to worry where to find food for their entire life. Ask away?

Due to people asking for proof: 2011 US stock portfolio; Access to private concierges (Quintessentially, Ten Group, etc.) and XXXXX (invite-only membership; liquid USD $5m minimum). Kindly understand I cannot show numbers directly for confidentiality.

Note: Should be "discreet" but I can't do anything on the typo.


Changelog

  • 2018-03-02 10:35PM - AMA now closed
  • 2018-03-04 3:18AM - Removed links on burden of proof
1 year, 4 months agojhnkvn posted comment on Philippines.
March 1, 2018
  1. Luck and hard work
  2. My car audio setup. I swear that it saved me years off my life driving around Metro Manila's hellish traffic.
  3. Would highly recommend Habit. I typically visit CNN Philippines and Rappler for local news. WSJ and FT for international newspapers. As for people to follow, I love Richard Branson and Elon Musk aside from Steve Jobs.
  4. We went to the US, told people we're gonna buy iPhones, orders came in, and we bought 25 iPhones back to the Philippines that were sold even before they set foot in NAIA. An easy PHP30k profit each for something that took a few minutes each morning for 4 days.
  5. I didn't earn my own money so to speak. Well, except my Eth mining sideline. Does it feel empty.. in a way it does but we do have a sense of pride in continuing our parents legacy.

He only sits with me if I let him have his box and his octopus. [R]

1 year, 5 months agoPimozv posted submission on aww.
Feb. 19, 2018
1 year, 4 months agoPimozv posted comment on aww.
Feb. 20, 2018

Jordan Peterson´s 12 Rules of Life [R]

1 year, 5 months agoBenjawood posted submission on samharris.
Feb. 15, 2018

Has anyone on this subreddit read this book? I think it looks very interesting and i like these kinds of books that you can translate into your own life. However, i don´t know what to really think of Peterson, because i dont consider him as intellectual as Sam Harris & Gad Saad and i kinda fear that there will be a lot of pseudo-science or BS in that book.

If so, then feel free to recommend me another a better book.

Kind regards,

1 year, 5 months agoBenjawood posted comment on samharris.
Feb. 15, 2018

I have read Meditations, it was good. But i dn´t know if it was really transcendan great. I like Stoicism in general, but i kinda fear that a lot of it just pseudo science. https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518707606&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Power+of+Habit%3A+Why+We+Do+What+We+Do+in+Life+and+Business

https://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Equals-Freedom-Field-Manual/dp/1250156947/ref=pdsim144?encoding=UTF8&pdrdi=1250156947&pdrdr=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW&pdrdw=gO35n&pdrdwg=gFxuC&psc=1&refRID=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW

Im also considering these two books.

Been struggling with maintaining a consistent daily practice. What is the best book to read on developing a consistent meditation habit? [R]

1 year, 5 months agotowhead posted submission on Meditation.
Feb. 4, 2018

I’ve tried Headspace and watched countless YouTube videos on the topic. Hasn’t seemed to stick, especially when life gets busy.

Is there one book that you would recommend? For example, I found that Marie Kondo’s book on tidying was very helpful in terms of managing my relationship with objects.

Thanks in advance

1 year, 5 months agotowhead posted comment on Meditation.
Feb. 4, 2018

This was immensely helpful to me.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr12?ie=UTF8&qid=1517763925&sr=8-2&keywords=power+of+habit

Building the life you want... [R]

1 year, 5 months agoFeb. 2, 2018

[deleted]

1 year, 5 months agodesertflower2917 posted comment on financialindependence.
Feb. 3, 2018

I definitely am not an expert but I love MMM and he did an article on it where he laid out five steps: Mr Money Mustache: A Lifetime of Riches – Is it as Simple as a Few Habits? https://gj837.app.goo.gl/bmDzVGYnZTUiyo9e2

He also recommended this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cmswrcpawdbt1-iDDAbJ3S0HD2

I can't say I've read the book as I still have established a consistent reading habit like I would like to do. ;) But, it's well reviewed on Amazon.

I grew up with toxicity and violence in my family and friends, and had to defend myself answering back, how do I avoid this in League? [R]

1 year, 5 months agoGoobMcGee posted submission on summonerschool.
Feb. 2, 2018

First of all I want to say that i'm not here to tell you the story of my life, and I don't care if you believe me or not, I just want your help to stop typing in chat and just focus on improving.

So, short story: Since I was a kid I had a difficult life, no father and grew up only with my mom and my childhood "friends". My mom isn't a calm person and never tried to figure my problems out, she would just yell at me insult me and hurt me really bad with iron cooking tools, but then regret it and apologize because she was over reacting to a kid who left some bread crumbs in his bedroom. Then with my friends who were mostly assholes, but the only kids in a small town, I had to learn to put them in their places or they would do that to me. I saw how most of them were bullying each other every day and most of the times they would use physical violence to give voice to their opinions, but it was fun going out with them all day and doing crazy stuff, it's just that I had to learn how to fight back all the time, always answering back to insults to not look weak and making my voice more loud when someone would raise his voice to me, or else I would lose their respect.

So, the story wasn't as short as I thought it would be, and, what's the problem you will ask? can't you just muteall in chat?

Well, I can't. I tried many times to start a game and just mute all and play, but when someone makes a huge mistake like the jungler ganks at lvl 3 and dies in my lane or someone dies over and over or varus adc is splitting at min 40 and dies it's like I have to unmute and insult them for what they did, it's like I can't just accept that they made a mistake and I have to insult them but this usually stops if they apologize or dont say anything, and if it's not important I don't care. This is worse if they answer back when the mistake was clearly huge for us or if there is some passive - aggressive person who types stuff like: "haha bot dead at lvl 2 in d5, maybe you should give your accounts back to their real owners ^ there's no way you have 56% winrate without boost =D" and then he cries in all chat for reports or enemy team opinion on the botlane lol. It just triggers me so much I have to type something back even if it's not about me cause I'm toplane. This mostly happens in d5 where people are tilted more than anywhere else and In case you were wondering, yes I got banned, so if you hate me after reading this be happy cause I got perma and I must say I deserve it.

Just the tl;dr is: im toxic because of how I grew up and really want to stop being toxic in league, I want to be chill like Imaqtpie I envy his calmness really, if you have any suggestion just type it, even if you think it's stupid just type something to transform a toxic player into a calm and peaceful person.

1 year, 5 months agoGoobMcGee posted comment on summonerschool.
Feb. 2, 2018

"Well, I can't. I tried many times to start a game and just mute all and play, but when someone makes a huge mistake like the jungler ganks at lvl 3 and dies in my lane or someone dies over and over or varus adc is splitting at min 40 and dies it's like I have to unmute and insult them for what they did, it's like I can't just accept that they made a mistake and I have to insult them but this usually stops if they apologize or dont say anything, and if it's not important I don't care."

False. You CAN. You're choosing not to. It's frustrating and even your habit you've built but habits can be broken and reformed. To me it sounds like you can be the jerk that everyone was to you, or you can choose to be better. Your choice though.

I recommend https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

My 30-Day Digital Declutter Diary | Nick Wignall [R]

1 year, 5 months agoFeb. 1, 2018

In January 2018, I participated in Cal Newport’s 30-Day Digital Declutter Experiment.

I’ve been think a lot about my recent article blowing up on Medium and how that relates to/has affected this digital declutter experiment.

I’ve been thinking a quite a bit lately about the ending of this little digital declutter experiment, in particular how I feel about it ending.

That’s where the digital declutter experiment has been particularly interesting with regard to the habit loop.

Of course, maybe all this is just me trying to rationalize spending a weekend obsessively checking my email in the middle of a check-free digital declutter experiment 😆.

Daily Discussion Thread: 01/26/2018 [R]

1 year, 5 months agoSams_Big_Balls_Dance posted submission on bodybuilding.
Jan. 26, 2018

Feel free to post things in the Daily Discussion Thread that don't warrant a subreddit-level discussion. Although most of our posting rules will be relaxed here, you should still consider your audience when posting. Most importantly, show respect to your fellow redditors. General redditiquette always applies.

View this thread live.

1 year, 5 months agoSams_Big_Balls_Dance posted comment on bodybuilding.
Jan. 26, 2018

One more I forgot: The Power of Habit

Suggest me a book like "Moonwalking with Einstein" [R]

1 year, 5 months agoloves_polymers posted submission on suggestmeabook.
Jan. 25, 2018

It doesn't have to be a book on memory.

Just a book that I can learn a LOT of things from it. And have a blast reading it.

1 year, 5 months agoloves_polymers posted comment on suggestmeabook.
Jan. 25, 2018

I recently read this book and I really enjoyed it too. I followed it with The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. They complimented each other well. https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cmswrcpapi_txPAAbTCH40P0

Anybody with a good amount of clean time, how do you deal with cravings? [R]

1 year, 6 months agoJan. 19, 2018

[deleted]

1 year, 6 months agodori_88 posted comment on opiates.
Jan. 19, 2018

Working on calming down my anxiety has helped a lot. /r/Anxiety has some good resources as does /r/OpiatesRecovery & Mindfulness exercises can engage you. Just remember each time you don't use and go for a walk instead you're building a new neuropathway in your brain. So if you walk (for example) everytime you have a craving, pretty soon instead of having a craving you'll be all like "Oh! I wanna walk!" without even thinking about opiates or cravings to begin with because a new habit was built. This is a great book that could help you too: The Power of Habit

I've got the FI part...struggling with the RE. What's your experience? [R]

1 year, 6 months agofricks_and_stones posted submission on financialindependence.
Jan. 15, 2018

12 years ago, I started a business with a few other guys. I had an equity position in the company and we had a lot of success growing it. About 5 years ago, we sold a portion of the business and I made mid-7 figures in the transaction. We sold the remainder of the business last year and that transaction netted me low-8 figures.

I never set out with a goal of retiring early, but I don't enjoy my work anymore. Lately I've been thinking that I don't want to enjoy ANY work anymore. My work/life balance has been shit for the past decade+, and I just know of too many people that have died in their 50s and 60s to feel like I have endless time on this earth (I'm in my mid 40s).

The challenge I'm having is imagining making the transition to not working.

I've read many posts on here about post-retirement spending and activities...but I haven't seen as much about the good and bad of the mental transition.

For those that have retired early:

How hard was it to make the leap once you reached FI? How much of a plan did you have when you retired? What surprises have you encountered about how you feel after retiring early?

1 year, 6 months agofricks_and_stones posted comment on financialindependence.
Jan. 15, 2018

Did you return to work because you really enjoyed the work, or because the lack of working made you unhappy? If if it's the latter, it's very likely just because working was such a ingrained habit that you don't know how to operate without it, even though it doesn't necessarily make you happy.
I'd recommend reading this book. It's not about working but about how habit's program our minds. It might help you recognize what you're feeling when that voice in the back of your head tells you start working. You'll actually have to reprogram your habits, this time to things that bring you joy.

Is addiction the same thing as a habit? [R]

1 year, 6 months agoAttachmentville posted submission on addiction.
Jan. 13, 2018
1 year, 6 months agoAttachmentville posted comment on addiction.
Jan. 15, 2018

If you haven't already, you should check out The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. In the book, he outlines habits as having three elements:

  • Trigger - the thing, feeling, activity, time of day, etc. that reminds our brain to engage in the behavior

  • Behavior - the actual activity we engage in

  • Reward - the satisfaction we get (or think we get) from engaging in the behavior. In some cases, this tells our brain to release a hit of dopamine.

He says that we can change our habits by identifying the trigger, and changing the accompanying behavior and replacing the reward.

I've seen addiction identified as a behavior that is:

  • It has made our lives unmanageable
  • we've found ourselves unable to control it
  • it has a destructive and progressive nature

So I would say that all addictions could be considered habits, but not all habits are addictions. There's an element of destruction and compulsion to addictions that doesn't appear in all habits.

Let's all remember that self-hatred is never an effective method of self-improvement. [R]

1 year, 6 months agoLeopoldTheLlama posted submission on ADHD.
Jan. 9, 2018
1 year, 6 months agoLeopoldTheLlama posted comment on ADHD.
Jan. 10, 2018

Yeah, the key for me is building up slowly -- as in, do much less than you think you can -- having specific cues, and chaining habits together. Make it easy, by doing the first trivial thing for a week straight. Then, once you do that first thing without thinking, add a second thing. Then you don't need a huge motivation to go through the routine, because you do the first n steps automatically, and you just need to convince yourself to do step n+1. Basically, it should get to a point where you're not actively thinking "I'm going through my morning routine", and instead your brain just turns on autopilot mode and does it.

What doesn't work for me is alarms and timers. If I set an alarm that I should do X at 8am, but I'm currently in the middle of Y, X probably isn't going to happen. If instead I train myself that as soon as I finish Y, I do X, then it's more likely to happen.

Two things that really helped:

1) Fabulous -- app for building up routines and habit chains. Don't get too bogged down in the plans they want you to follow -- you can customize the routines.

2) [The Power of Habit] (https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X) -- Book talking about how building (and breaking) habits works. The first third and the epilogue are really what's relevant to you, and they're easy and engaging reads. (The second two thirds are still really interesting but they're less relevant to habit change in your personal lives).

Also, if you're bored, I like listening to podcasts and audiobooks in the morning as I go through my routine.

How can I overcome my impulses and addictive personality in 2018 [R]

1 year, 6 months agohundredseven posted submission on self.
Jan. 1, 2018

My New Years resolution is to overcome this. In 2017 I became addicted to gambling and lost a lot of money that I couldn't afford to lose.

I've also become addicted to the woman that I'm seeing and it's starting to really affect me and our relationship I've been very demanding of her time and have an expectation for her to be talking to me or texting me every day which isn't fair to her.

If anyone has any advice on how to fix this I'd really love the advice!

1 year, 6 months agohundredseven posted comment on self.
Jan. 1, 2018

Build positive habits rather than negative habits. Having a personality which likes ha it’s is quite powerful, but obviously if you use it for ‘good’. To understand more about ha it’s and how to change I suggest reading: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cmswrcptai_.RRsAbCCQX7DW

[OC] Just finished my first semester of medical school, I kept track of my study hours and exam scores. [R]

1 year, 7 months agoBinaryPeach posted submission on dataisbeautiful.
Dec. 16, 2017
1 year, 7 months agoBinaryPeach posted comment on dataisbeautiful.
Dec. 16, 2017

Check out these two books, they really changed how I approached learning and really anything that involves time/practice/dedication.

The Power of Habit

Talent is Overrated

[OC] Just finished my first semester of medical school, I kept track of my study hours and exam scores. [R]

1 year, 7 months agoBinaryPeach posted submission on dataisbeautiful.
Dec. 16, 2017
1 year, 7 months agoBinaryPeach posted comment on dataisbeautiful.
Dec. 16, 2017

It took me a really long time to realize this. But the game changer for me was when I stopped relying on motivation and started building habits. Motivation fails when you need it most. But a habit will always be there and will let you study regardless of what mood you're in.

Check out these two books, they really changed how I approached learning and really anything that involves time/practice/dedication.

The Power of Habit

Talent is Overrated

Daily FI discussion thread - November 25, 2017 [R]

1 year, 7 months agoiswearitsreallyme posted submission on financialindependence.
Nov. 25, 2017

Please use this thread to have discussions which you don't feel warrant a new post to the sub. While the Rules for posting questions on the basics of personal finance/investing topics are relaxed a little bit here, the rules against memes/spam/self-promotion/excessive rudeness/politics still apply!

Have a look at the FAQ for this subreddit before posting to see if your question is frequently asked.

Since this post does tend to get busy, consider sorting the comments by "new" (instead of "best" or "top") to see the newest posts.

1 year, 7 months agoiswearitsreallyme posted comment on financialindependence.
Nov. 25, 2017

Is there any way you can study during your commute? Books if you're taking public transportation, or podcasts/audiobooks if you're driving?

Also, I read this book (borrowed it from the library of course) and really enjoyed it: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It's helped me change a couple of my habits to be more productive.

I am a cocaine addict [R]

1 year, 8 months agoNov. 18, 2017

[deleted]

1 year, 8 months agoAttachmentville posted comment on addiction.
Nov. 21, 2017

In the book "The Power of Habit," the author talks about habits as having three components:

  • Trigger - the thing that tells us it's time to do a thing (drinking is a trigger in your case)
  • Behavior - the thing we do after the trigger
  • Reward - the way the behavior makes us feel that subconsciously tells us that the cycle of trigger/behavior/reward leads toward a positive outcome (even if the outcome isn't positive)

He says that if you can identify the trigger but change the behavior and reward, you can change a habit.

How to stop swearing during the recordings? [R]

1 year, 8 months agokevnadz posted submission on letsplay.
Nov. 15, 2017

I recently started to record gaming videos and I literally noticed that I swear in every sentence. I really want to keep my channel and videos clean from this and I want to improve. I wonder if you had to experience this problem before and how you overcome it. Additionally, do you need to add some kind of the disclaimer if there are swearings on the vids?

1 year, 8 months agokevnadz posted comment on letsplay.
Nov. 15, 2017

This is also a fantastic book that I believe every human should read to help understand themselves better...

[Advice] Extreme Procrastinator and what worked for me. [R]

1 year, 10 months agokecupochren posted submission on getdisciplined.
Sept. 17, 2017

I’m horrible at procrastinating my time and will find myself in the deep hole of Reddit, YouTube, Twitter, and so on. It has become so bad that I often get nothing done that I was supposed to do and I feel like I wasted the entire day. I tried the many apps and techniques that everyone says to try, but they ultimately don’t work for me as my procrastination game is too strong.

Then one day I started to consider that getting work done is a habit or muscle you have to train. And all these other apps and techniques are too much of a jump for someone that seriously procrastinates. Having someone work for 25 minutes straight non-stop is like asking a guy who’s never walked 2,000 steps in a day to go and walk 15k steps non-stop. This is how the Pomodoro technique was to me.

So I decided to swap the Pomodoro times, instead of 25 minutes of work I did 25 minutes of procrastination and only 5 minutes of work. When the 5 minutes was up, I did another 25 minutes of procrastination and 5 minutes of work.

I know this sounds silly to some as you can’t honestly get much done in 5 minutes but when you’re used to getting 0 minutes of work done in a day that 5 minutes is infinitely better.

I have since then change it up a bit and do…

25 minutes of play

5 minutes of work

25 minutes of play

10 minutes of work

25 minutes of play

15 minutes of work

And so on.

I found that starting off with procrastination first was easier than starting off with working. I did not want to work on the thing I had to do which would often be the full stop not to get anything done for the day. But starting off doing something I want to do and then do a little bit of work after that was the ticket to get the train going. Plus, you know you have an end time for the fun stuff, so you try to get it done in the time frame. Another trick I do is slowly increasing the work time as it gets easier to do as your work tolerance is growing with this method.

I found using a timer app that can set many steps of timers to work the best for me. When the one-timer step is done, it moves on to the next timer step when I press a button. (I use Timeglass for iOS)

The best part is that I don’t feel like I’m working which makes it even easier to get started with it for the day. I feel like I’m getting the better end of the deal because I play more than I work but yet I’m doing more work than I ever done before. It’s a muscle you have to train and if you're not used to working then doing a task for even 30 seconds is far better than not doing one. You must train to get rid of the bad procrastination habit and replace it with good working habits.

1 year, 10 months agokecupochren posted on getdisciplined.
Sept. 17, 2017

Dude, you gotta get this book - https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

It's life changing. Yeah that may be a strong word but you're on the right track to fully appreciate it. It will fill in the gaps about what you know about habits and discipline.

phone ownership in a nutshell [R]

1 year, 10 months agospringsprint posted submission on funny.
Sept. 16, 2017
1 year, 10 months agospringsprint posted on funny.
Sept. 17, 2017

I'll tell you a little secret: even when I didn't have a SO, I've never had a problem with finding a phone, because I always left it at the same places, and I never lost it or left it in unusual places. You might call me boring or having an OCD, but really, I've never experienced an issue like that, because I just know where my shit is at any point in time.

Can anyone recommend some good "self-help" books that made you more motivated/productive? [R]

1 year, 11 months agoAug. 20, 2017

[deleted]

1 year, 11 months agobigbreathein24 posted on AskWomen.
Aug. 21, 2017

PT: "Most people don't have that willingness to break bad habits. They have a lot of excuses and they talk like victims" - How To Quit A Bad Habit [R]

1 year, 11 months agoAug. 18, 2017

[deleted]

1 year, 11 months agoacepincter posted on PsychologicalTricks.
Aug. 18, 2017

A friend recently told me about this book, which he's set to loan out to me next week (I haven't read it). It's helped him to change a number of habits, but when we talked about it, he made particular point to tell me about this crucial thing he'd learned from the book (assuming it is correct).

The author insists that A habit cannot be eliminated - but rather One habit can be replaced with another. It's as is there's a mental "Law of conservation of habit" that states that if one habit it eliminated, it must be replaced with a replacement activity or superceding habit.

How do you feel about this opinion and/or have you noticed "replacement" habits substitutions in your own efforts?

Addicted to Soda [R]

1 year, 11 months agoAttachmentville posted submission on addiction.
July 26, 2017

Hey, so I am a bit worried with my soda consuming habits. At this point I would say that I am addicted to it. I have been drinking a lot for years now, but just recently it has been ramping up. I'm at the point of drinking anywhere from 3-5 cans of soda per day. I'm active and eat well, and am not overweight, but am worried about diabetes. Anyone have tips on how I can curb my soda habit? Not sure if this is the right place for this as I'm not sure if everything thinks soda addiction is a real addiction, but it feels like I need to have it at least once a day.

1 year, 11 months agoAttachmentville posted on addiction.
Aug. 1, 2017

You should consider checking out the book "The Power of Habit." Duhigg defines habits as having a trigger, an action and a reward. By changing the action that you do in response to the trigger, you can also change the reward and change your habitual behavior.

Where Do I Fit In? [R]

2 years agobtwn2stools posted submission on JordanPeterson.
July 20, 2017

I completed Big 5 personality 300 questions test. The results are:

O (55%) C (14%) E (10%) A (17%) N (72%)

I am also working at Present Authoring: Virtues. My answers seem to follow the above pattern. Highly neurotic, moderately traditional vs. open (I am not open for new possibilities in areas that were proven to work through thousands of years such as human relations and knowing biological machinery did not change) but also constantly work and read on different subjects and ideas. Definitely introverted, and mostly fine without much people interaction. I do feel lonely though once in a while.

The trait that worries me is low C. I think it is accurate because I never did anything to perfection and never cared about that, no matter what I do. Examples include: preparing for music competitions, and never winning 1st place because it requires to really master a piece of composition. (Music teacher repeatedly told me this). Preparing for exams 1-2 days before no matter the difficulty, never scoring beyond 80% consistently. (It is pretty high at my university). Starting reading a book and then catching something else of interest and forgetting about the book. This includes self-authoring, I got it through Patreon in April, and yet have finished in even Present part.

I have a degree in Computer Science and work in software if that helps.

1 year, 12 months agobtwn2stools posted on JordanPeterson.
July 21, 2017

Good self awareness and reflection. My thought was lack of follow through would be due to an avoidance of possible future negative emotion in case of failure or rejection. I think of low C as being a minute by minute, hour by hour problem. Like a space cadet, always daydreaming, unaware of deadlines, disorderly and not seeing the big sequence of events throughout the day leading to tomorrow to next week and next month. But I digress.

Try working with deadlines more if they work for you, but my suspicion is that you will burn yourself out. I'd still recommend mitigating low C with easy routines or treats (if I work hard 9-5 I get the evening to do X (smoke a bowl, watch a movie, Reddit, etc). And finding "relatively" low stress roles. Tackling assignments (aka snakes) ahead of time as you mentioned is always the best course of action. Good luck.

Edit: I recommend The Power of Habit

[Discussion] How to do more interesting things and spend less time on the internet? [R]

2 years agoJuly 1, 2017

I have a few friends and a wonderful gf that I see and do things with several days a week, but in my spare time I do very little. Mainly browse reddit, watch TV shows, and listen to music, with a bit of multiplayer gaming with my friends sometimes. I'm probably doing something interesting 3/4 evenings a week and nothing the rest of the time.

What are some things I can do to make stuff more interesting? I am going to uni in September, so I am currently at home all day every day and I'll have a 16h part time job from next week, but that's about it.

Any ideas?

2 years agoelectric_oven posted on GetMotivated.
July 1, 2017

Read Charles Duhigg's "The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" - phenomenal read that discusses habit-making. It may help you gain perspective on your current habits, and how to truly retool them. Maybe you could get your friends and girlfriend to read it together, and have a book club about it? :)

Emotional/boredom eating/cravings [R]

2 years agoelectric_oven posted submission on vegetarianketo.
June 22, 2017

I have a problem with emotional eating and tend to crave sweets like ice cream or candy - it's caused me to 'break keto' a few times. Once or twice it has led to binge/purging which I had a very short-lived and sporadic problem with in high school. Does anyone have any tips for how to stop emotional/boredom eating? Ideally I'd like to replace this terrible habit with emotional/boredom exercise but not sure how to break the cycle. A little bit of background on me also, I am a 21 y/o female, I am thin and at a healthy weight, have been doing keto for 3 months initially to lose stubborn belly fat but now because I enjoy it. I stopped counting macros/calories after about a month and am thinking maybe I should start again to hold myself accountable.

2 years agoelectric_oven posted on vegetarianketo.
June 24, 2017

As someone who has gone through a year of professional therapy for disordered eating, I'd encourage you to seek a professionally registered dietician. I was nervous about the cost, but called around, and found a phenomenal woman who uses a sliding scale based on income.

Secondly, I would use a handwritten journal to jot down your feelings during the craving, how hungry you actually are (using a hunger scale like this), and then decide on what to do with that feeling. For example, I would have a journal entry something like this: * 11:20 AM; craving something sweet; hunger scale: 5 - not hungry; feeling lonely, PMSing, etc. Course of Action: Walked dog for 45 minutes, drank 30 ounces of water, decided to sew after.

I also use the H-A-L-T method...something that a lot of addicts of all sorts use. It stands for Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired, and is a self- care tool. When I reach for food out of emotional needs/boredom, I ask myself, "What do I need in this moment? Am I actually hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely/frustrated/bored? Am I tired?" Processing the emotions behind the eating, and identifying what you truly need in that moment are the keys here, not just replacing the snacking with something "keto-friendly." Emotional eating can be stemmed to a lack of social interaction, community, creative outlets, etc. I've also heard people using the BORED acronym when they're bored, and reach for food. BORED stands for Been Creative? Outside Play? Read a Book? Exercised 20 minutes? Do something helpful (for yourself, or others)?

In addition, I highly recommend Charles Duhhig's The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business - it's a phenomenal read about habits, how we build them, types of habits, and how to rewire habits.

I'm happy to answer any questions, or concerns you may have.

Looking for book recommendations! [R]

2 years agofordaplot posted submission on Tulpas.
June 21, 2017

Hello everyone! 《Our first post, yay!》

We were interested in finding books that could potentially help us understand ourselves better, more specifically ones that have spiritual and self awareness type themes.

We googled "spiritual books" and we did find one titled "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle, which sounds exactly like what we're looking for, but we wanted to see if anyone had any other suggestions as well!

Thank you for any help!

2 years agofordaplot posted on Tulpas.
June 22, 2017

"The Power of Habit" is an excellent psychology/productivity book on how you can optimize your thinking and behavior. A lot of its lessons can translate to better tulpamancy practices.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

What can I do to fix an ADHD marriage as independently as possible. [R]

2 years, 1 month agomacjoven posted submission on ADHD.
June 17, 2017

My marriage is in a rocky path right now. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 31 years old. I got the diagnosis because my wife of 2 years became increasingly frustrated with my behavior and said I needed to go to the doctor if I felt unable to correct my behaviors of ignoring her/not being able to remember to do all my chores/Not being able to focus on big picture goals.

I got the diagnosis and I got prescribed Adderall-XR.

The medication helps tremendously with being able to keep up task to task. But I still have issues when it comes to ignoring her when she's talking to me and not being able to focus on big picture goals.

I'm a month into my medication and now that I have an idea of how it improves my brain and how it does not I want to start working on adjusting my behaviors. And I've been reading a lot on this lately especially when it comes to marriage and being on the same page with your spouse.

Everything I'm reading seems to involve a lot of changes on my spouse's end to do properly. And basically she would have to be my keeper. My manager. Making sure I remember what the priorities are and making sure I'm on track. And making sure I'm seeing immediate rewards for progress and completed tasks.

It's not that I disagree that that would help tremendously. It's that it feels emasculating. It feels like it's saying I can't ever be relied on to manage myself. And one of my wife's primary complaints is that she feels she has to manage me. We have 1 child but she says she feels like she has 2. And I really don't want her to feel that way.

It just seems like a lot to put on her. Our marriage is in trouble because she's overwhelmed by the amount of mental load that has been placed on her because I can't seem to be relied to independently work towards any goal. And most of the advice I'm reading seems to indicate that that won't change and she needs to get used to managing me. It feels like I'm dismissing her complaints and her mental struggles to fix my own.

So the point of all this is I'm wondering if anyone has had success improving their marriage with much less intervention from their spouse? Obviously there needs to be some communication bridging that we both need to work on. But does she really to take on the role of my manager?

Does anyone have any systems that work for their marriage and requires minimal effort from their spouse?

2 years, 1 month agomacjoven posted on ADHD.
June 17, 2017

So, transformation doesn't happen over night. It takes some time to learn the skills, and more time to use them consistently and more time to learn to come back to them when you stop using them. Support is always helpful, but it shouldn't feel like baby sitting. You might want to look into getting an ADHD life coach as a primary means of support as you learn to work with the diagnosis and getting your life on track like you want it to be.

Also, there are many many many many resources and ideas, and tricks and tips that can help out with your ADHD out there. Some that I personally have found helpful: The 5 Second Rule, The Pomodoro Technique, Getting Things Done, Mindfulness Meditation, The Bullet Journal, Exercise, The Power of Habit, Xcards, Noise Cancelling Ear Phones, a solid morning routine, and more I can't think of off the top of my head. You can pick and choose what seems most helpful at the moment, and there are many other ideas always floating around /r/adhd as well.

[NeedAdvice] Book or Guide on Long Term Rewards [R]

2 years, 1 month agogchtb posted submission on getdisciplined.
June 12, 2017

I find that my repeated pitfall is always that I tend to stray and get distracted by short term rewards when I am trying to focus on my work/study(long term rewards).

Does anyone have some sort of tip/book/guide/daily read/blog/app to keep this bad habit of discipline contained?

2 years, 1 month agogchtb posted on getdisciplined.
June 12, 2017

What you mention is something that affects almost everyone, including myself. It's in our nature to go for the short term gain (immediate and emotional benefits) versus the long term reward(which requires more logical thinking).

For books, here's one called The power of habit. It breaks down how to form habits and how to chunk long term goals into smaller near term pieces as well as some of psychology behind it. Highly recommend a read :).

I have to ask though, what are your long term goals? can you be more specific? the more specific you can be the easier it would be to formulate specific actionable items to achieve them.

460 lbs, 6ft, 31 yrs old..... Confused? [R]

2 years, 1 month agoTulanol posted submission on Fitness.
June 10, 2017

Hello, Ok so I hope I'm clear enough for everyone to understand exactly my issues so I can get some advice.

Recently hit 462lbs when I decided to join a gym (InShape for context)last August. Well I got a trainer and started hitting the gym 3x a week and changing my eating habits.. Well I ended up losing 30 lbs in a few months but the workouts were painful.. Everything I did hurt and the soreness and pain almost left me bed ridden.. Especially leg day, I puke after every work out and I don't seem to be building any tolerance to running/walking/jogging.. I couldn't eat right because if I ate the recommended calories that the trainer set I get headaches and stomach pains. Even when eating healthy. That went on up untill last month. Then I stop and just gave up because it's frustrating to hit the gym and Come out feeling like shit every time.. I tried every diet/calorie count but Idk what I'm doing wrong because I hear so many stories about people my size getting a routine down for a month and start feeling better and losing crazy weight and running more and feeling great.. And I can't seem to get there even though I been hitting gym up to 5x a week or even as low as 3x a week from August to may.. I'm to broke to eat healthy or purchase anything else to help me on my weight and im in the middle of a career change (no job) .. So I'm basically scared that I will end up super over weight and die young and leave my kids to soon.. And honestly I'm super addicted to eating.. It's like I'm never full and when I am I'm hungry 30 minutes later.. Ps... I do have sleep apnea but I have a machine so that helps, I do have asthma but very light case of it. I had blood work I'm pretty much pre-diabetes but good blood pressure. The reason why I lasted so long was because I used some herbal medicine after each work out to ease the nausea and pain and that help tremendously but I don't not want to rely on that forever.

So my question is, what can I do to ease the issue with pain/soreness before and after they gym?

How long does it really take to get use to running/walking?

How can I eat right and curb my appetite without getting headaches or so called hunger pains? Yes I drink about 2 gallons of water through out the day

Edit: TIL that I can maintain my weight at 460 by eating healthy but drinking my calories.. After reading everyone's comments I calculated roughly might I add that on most days especially weekends I drink up to 2000-3000 calories.. Just drinking them.. So even eating healthy on a keto diet.. I totally ignore the nutritional value of my drinks..

Also the fatigue, pain, nausea, and soreness can be from electrolyte deficiency.. Which goes back to drinking junk I stead of water or more electrolytes.. And eating foods that add those as well.. I'm. Learning peoples!! I really appreciate all the post and comments.. I'm reading everyone's advice and taking most with a grain of salt.. Also I been lying to Myself and just need to focus on healthy eating habits above all else for now..

Edit 2: Man, I have to say I'm really overwhelmed with the response that I got here.. Especially to those who PM me with encouragement. Alot of great advice and really eye opening.. It's amazing how much I overlooked when eating, drinking, and snacking.. I'm a bit embarrassed at the amount of calories I consume by drinking and snacking..

This has been awesome and I wrote down alot of advice..

So what I learned is water water water, tea, honey..

Walk (daily), aquatic aerobics, and bikes or elliptical..

Log everything I eat, drink, snack, breathe, taste, smell.. and eat fresh and watch portions, get a food scale..

And for the judgmental.. Yes I'm broke.. Yes I use herb.. No I don't pay for it.. California and alot of connections so it's not something I buy. But use for pain and injuries I have from previous incidents..

But overall I'm grateful for everyone and everything.. Hope to have a good update by December..

2 years, 1 month agoTulanol posted on Fitness.
June 11, 2017

i was over 400 lbs. i lost over 100 lbs. still loosing weight but its going great and i know i will reach my goal.

eat less do more.......when i first started exercising my hamstrings were cramping bad..... so i rode the bike for 5 minutes and just stuck with it till i got my time up to 30 minutes.

first diet step i cut out all the super unhealthy foods , no caloric restriction. i lost a lot of weight pretty quick.

okay go get a sleep study done and get a c-pap when you weigh a lot your sleep quality is shit, and your body responds by slowing down the metabolism. This step will help you loose weight all by itself.

the faq on lose it covers most of what people need to know about loosing weight people get confused because the fitness industry wants you to spend money.

mild caloric restriction 500 calories less than you need to sustain your weight a day. Exercise will help loose weight by burning calories and putting on muscle, muscle burns calories so the amount of calories you burn a day goes up even if your doing nothing, this is an advantage. My lean body mass is over 200 lbs. i burn a lot of calories doing nothing , despite being too fat my current bodyfat is 25% too high.

i always knew what to do i was athlete before letting myself explode, but eventually i joined a support group for eating disorders because i was a food binger. after loosing over 100 lbs. i got stuck yo-yo'd up and down 30 lbs. for a couple of years etc.

http://www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html

as for diet i could recomend a diet full of tree bark and awful tasting healthy shit, but if you hate what you eat how likely are you to stick with it ? you need to eat stuff you like and be honest with yourself about this. What you eat does matter for your health , how happy you are , and things like that so its a grey area people just have to learn to negotiate. ( i hate most fruits and vegetables, but since i don't like being fat, un motivated, depressed, and sick all the time , i eat them anyway i just chop them up in small pieces and eat them with a mouth full of meat.....the good tasting food )

myfitness pal and other apps will count your callories for you its not that hard yes you will likely need to measure your food, or develop habits of measurement like ......2 piles of meat the size of my hand per meal, 1 pile of meat the size of my hand of starchy carbs, 1 pile of vegetables the size of my hand per meal of vegetables.

either way its the same measure so you know what you are eating. last thing this is hard don't kid yourself , i would rather get punched in my balls then diet but i am not willing to be heavy. So support from loved ones is a big part of this, since we are talking about changing habits and that is a very hard things to do.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

this book could help , best of luck and learn to love yourself i stand naked in front of the mirror every damn day and tell myself out loud how great i look because my self esteem has everything to do with how i treat myself. i feel silly but guess what been doing this awhile i didn't turn into an arrogant asshole and i treat myself a lot better.

Is there any positive habit you're trying to implement in your lifestyle right now? [R]

2 years, 1 month agoludwigvonmises posted submission on DecidingToBeBetter.
June 5, 2017

Hello guys and gals,

Right now, I'm trying to wake up early in the morning (5 AM) so I can get more hours of meditation, writing, sports, etc. There are days where I can't go to sleep before 11 PM, therefore I'm not able to wake up at 5 AM.

Anyway, I'm curious if there are any positive habits you're trying to implement in your lifestyle right now and in what phase of the implementation you're at?

Also, how long ago have you started and what obstacles you've overcome?

2 years, 1 month agoludwigvonmises posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
June 5, 2017

Habits I'm building

  • Wake up at 6am
  • Meditate every day
  • Practice German for 30 min every day

Habits I'm destroying:

  • Video games during the workweek
  • Smoking weed
  • Masturbation

I had other habits in April and May that were successfully integrated/defeated, and I moved on from them (one was waking up at 6:30am).

I have to give a lot of credit to /r/theXeffect for giving me a consistent manner in which to track progress and hold myself accountable. It's really gratifying to see the X marks day after day after day and TO KNOW that my brain is being rewired to want these things by the new cue/routine/reward cycle I'm enforcing.

If you want more knowledge about the actual science of habit formation (it helps me understand the why and the how, not just the what), pick up a copy of The Power of Habit - it's actually a very entertaining read as well.

ADHD and overeating, any advice on how to slow it down? [R]

2 years, 1 month agoLeopoldTheLlama posted submission on ADHD.
May 28, 2017

Ever since I was a little kid I've always eaten way more then I should. When I was a child my parents friends would always joke and say how I was a human vacuum. Now going into adult hood I have the same problem and it's really affecting my health, I'm overweight and it's really affecting my whole life.I eat when Im bored, I eat when I'm not hungry and do it for fun and nothing can stop me!! I know it's a huge problem but I can't seem to stop it. Does anyone else have a similar problem and had any success stopping? My meds help stop my appetite but I generally have pretty bad side affects so I try not to take them unless I really need to be productive that day. Thanks in advance.

2 years, 1 month agoLeopoldTheLlama posted on ADHD.
May 29, 2017

Well, a big part of it is going to be changing your relationship with food. Just saying that you're going to stop eating is rarely helpful because there's a reason that you eat. You need to figure out what triggers your eating, and find ways to replace eating with different activities that give you the same reward. For example, I have the problem that I always my hands to be occupied. If there is food within reach, I'll keep snacking on it largely because its something to do. I've found that (a) keeping food only in the kitchen (removing the trigger), and (b) always having something else to do with my hands (i.e. fidgets when I'm working, guitar or knitting when I'm sitting around doing nothing) goes a long way towards reducing my snacking. I would recommend taking a look at The Habit Loop -- in particular, the first third of the book and the epilogue.

What controls your impulses? [R]

2 years, 2 months agoFuriousKitten posted submission on loseit.
May 3, 2017

I was doing really well with CICO and going to the gym and then one month I got tired of always dragging myself to the gym after work in the miserable rain and told myself I just needed a break. I took a month off because I was going to be helping my husband move to Canada so I went and visited him in the US. I ate with reckless abandon and paid for it. I gained 4 pounds in the span of less than a week.

I told myself I would be better.

But then life happened and my "I'll be better today" turned into "Well I can start tomorrow - I have so much coming up."

But tomorrow never really came until about two weeks ago when I said enough, I can do this. I started going back to the gym 4 times a week. I started doing CICO again. But honestly my biggest struggle is that I have no self-control. I work at a boring job that allows me to snack all day - even when I'm not hungry.

I have dinner and I'm not hungry after but I think 'Oh, I feel like having some chocolate' so I have that chocolate. Every time.

Weekends I am always out with my husband and we're so busy it's just easier to eat out somewhere. We're downtown from 10:00am to 5:00pm? Might as well have lunch out. Then I eat something I probably shouldn't. Or I eat something and push myself over my cal limit. I want it, so I eat it. Then I regret eating it.

I don't know how to train my mind into understanding that I don't /need/ anything and I only /want/ things.

Please share your insights, your tips and your tricks. I want to get control of this. I don't want to feel bad when I eat something I should enjoy. I don't want to feel like I am just wasting my time by working out and then eating crap thus negating everything. I don't want to just maintain. I want to continue to work towards my goals.

I want to be strong enough to do this.

2 years, 2 months agoFuriousKitten posted on loseit.
May 4, 2017

Don't beat yourself up too much! I think what has happened is that you've fallen into a set of not-so-great habits.

Borrowing liberally from Power of Habit:

Habits are composed of three parts: Trigger >> Action >> Reward

For example:

  • Your eye catches the bag of snacks on my desk >> Eat them >> Yum~

  • You put your dinner plate in the sink >> Eat a piece of chocolate >> Yum~

  • You're feeling super stressed >> Eat a bag of chips >> Forget about stress for a few min

When the trigger happens, it kicks off an automatic sequence of actions that can have you feeling like "Do I even have control over myself?"

The best way to change habits is to remove the triggers (don't keep snacks on your desk) or, if you can't do that, link the trigger to a new action that is just as rewarding as the old one (have a piece of fruit or some Halo Top instead of chocolate after dinner). Changing habits isn't about beating yourself up and restricting yourself. It's about finding new, more healthy ways of satisfying your needs. (It's okay to have needs!)

So I'd suggest:

1) Think about what your triggers are throughout the day. When you eat something unhealthy -- what prompted it?

2) Come up with a plan for each of those triggers. It can involve removing the trigger, creating a new behavior, or pre-planning so that you've already made the decision for that moment.

3) Just go one habit at a time! No need to do it all at once. In fact, focusing on establishing just one new habit can have a snowball effect and make it easier to change all the others.

I realized I am more compelled putting my all into something when 1. People are dependent on me 2. I get quick feedback/consequences 3. I get "paid"or some value. [R]

2 years, 3 months agoAdvertise_this posted submission on ADHD.
April 19, 2017

I think Knowing this is the pattern, will help me more easily twist my arm into projects I'm procrastinating with.

2 years, 3 months agoAdvertise_this posted on ADHD.
April 19, 2017

I'm reading a book at the moment called The Power of Habit that I'm finding really useful. What you're saying really matches up with the science anyway. Every habit we have, good and bad, breaks down into three parts:

Cue------routine---------Reward

In your example, for example:

  • cue= "people are depending on me"
  • Routine = the work you need to do
  • Reward = paid/some value

During the routine phase, our brains are barely ticking over. Although this is controlled by the Basal Ganglia, which is affected by ADHD. It's responsible for blocking out unnecessary motor functions and the like while engaged in a habit. Which is a part of the reason for the lack of persistence ADHD causes. (pen tapping, anyone?) The other element is the Prefrontal cortex, which kicks in when we need to stop a habit (It's responsible for a lot of other things too). Guess what other area ADHD impairs?

But anyway, the key to any persistent habit is a craving. That can be something as simple as craving for endorphins from exercise, or the craving for approval for a job well done.

Final element is self-control, or 'will power'. It's a finite resource that you can train, like a muscle.

It can also run out, if you're having to exercise it too much. Big part of why things are more difficult towards the end of the day. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with dopamine, but I haven't looked into that yet.

But the element I find fascinating has to do with your first point:

> "People are dependent on me"

This is a double-edged sword. Will power is far easier to exercise when we feel in control. So feeling that your good habits are helping people, that you're having a positive impact by exercising self-control, is great for that. But the one thing I'd caution is not to over do it. I think /u/teenmomog put it really well:

> As soon as it was pointed out to me I would NOT do it.

If you feel that you have to do something because it's expected of you, you're having to exercise far more self-control than if you have a choice. Autonomy is important. It's a fine balance really. As long as you feel you have a choice, things will be a lot easier.

This is really just my opinion based on what I've read, but I feel this explains why the 'last-minute anxiety fuelled frenzy of work' those of us with ADHD often get is quite ineffective. By feeling you have no choice but to work, you're really taxing your self-control and putting yourself through unnecessary stress, for the same amount of work overall. It's far more effective to try and build good study habits than it is to rely on that in my opinion, but YMMV.

[NeedAdvice] Where to start to become a more disciplined college student? [R]

2 years, 3 months agoiamsmcamp posted submission on getdisciplined.
April 7, 2017

I have to admit. I'm the least disciplined person I know, and I finally decided to change my life around. I have no clue how to get discipline in my life when I can't wake up or sleep on time, study, or anything. I'm such a wreck, IDK where to start? How do I become more disciplined? How did you get started?

2 years, 3 months agoiamsmcamp posted on getdisciplined.
April 7, 2017

I wrote an article on my site on how to achieve rock solid self discipline, but I'll explain a bit here.

When people say "college is the best time of your life", it means that you have the time to create anything you want. If you want to plant the seeds of a business, you can do it. If you want to read other books outside of class, you can do it. If you want to go take a road trip with your buddies, you can do it.

Anything you set your mind to, you can do.

In this world, things are brought about through a three step process. You must think about it, then you must say it, then you must do it.

You "think" about being disciplined. You write down that you want to be disciplined, then you act like a disciplined person.

What does a disciplined person look like to you? Visualize him in your mind's eye. How does he interact with people? His world?

Then, write down an area where you could improve your discipline. Let's take sleep. Write down - "I will get up at __ every day".

You think about this...you talk about it...then you do it.

Just the big red button. Pull the trigger. Press start to begin.

Put your phone/alarm as far away from your bed as possible. Then you'll have to walk up to turn it off. Once you turn if off, go and drink a lot of COLD water. That will wake you up.

Do this consistently for at least 30 days. Then you will start to form a habit within the brain.

You will follow a cue, then do a routine, and the end state is a habitual action.

Check out The Power of Habit for more info on this.

A woman came through the drive through yesterday and got a little irritated with me because we didn't have drink carriers. Today, she came back and handed me this. [R]

2 years, 4 months agoMentalEcho posted submission on pics.
March 21, 2017
2 years, 3 months agoMentalEcho posted on pics.
March 22, 2017

Not that it minimizes the barista's ability to remain friendly when faced with a less than friendly customer, but it may be of interest to some here that Starbucks has a keystone principal in place within their company meant to specifically deal with this - 'LATTE'.

Listen to the Customer

Acknowledge their complaint

Take action by solving the problem

Thank them

Explain why the problem occurred

I learned of LATTE in the 'Power of Habit' by Charles Duhigg. It's a really fastinating read for those interested in how habits work, why we do what we do (vs why we believe we do what we do - and how these aren't necessarily the same thing), and how willpower factors into it all.

Here's an article that talks a little bit more about this if you're interested: Why a Starbucks Barista Has More Willpower Than You Do. And another: Do Starbucks Employees Have More Emotional Intelligence than Your Physician?

And more of an overview of 'The Power of Habits' for the interested: How Alcoa, Starbucks, Arista, And Febreze Kicked Normal Habits And Found Success

Women of reddit who work out, what changes have you noticed that you didn't expect? [R]

2 years, 5 months agoPerceptiveSentinel posted submission on AskWomen.
Jan. 26, 2017
2 years, 5 months agoPerceptiveSentinel posted on AskWomen.
Feb. 10, 2017

>I think that, the more you do, the more you want to do... Which is one reason why unemployment is so terrible, and why successful people seem to have about 30 hours in a day...

Read the Power of Habit - it elaborates on how the human mind works and how we can reprogram our brain to form any habits we want to, with the right amount of willpower and persistence of course. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit.” To possess any desirable character trait, you must start acting and thinking as if you already have it. When your thoughts and actions align with your ideals, you will skyrocket your belief in yourself. [Advice] [R]

2 years, 5 months agodasblog posted submission on getdisciplined.
Feb. 8, 2017

[removed]

2 years, 5 months agodasblog posted on getdisciplined.
Feb. 9, 2017

I may be talking out of my arse here, but I believe that research has been done into habit and it isn't just a psychological thing but your brain literally shapes itself around a habit. The more you do a thing the stronger the connections in your brain. (Obviously I've forgotten the technical language.)

By forming a new habit, you create new connections / paths in your brain. The good / bad news is, the more you do something the stronger those connections become. Good because it allows you to form new habits. Bad because it's harder to shake bad habits because they're literally part of your brain. (Again, I may be talking out of my arse.)

There's a good book about habits called The Power Of Habit if anybody is interested in a modern take on habit. It's not really a self-help book and more like one of those interesting pop-science books with a lot of interesting case studies. Such as how companies create habits to help sell their brand or how habits are used by winning sports teams.

EMSKR: How to take care of fingernails. [R]

2 years, 5 months agoMpOoNwEeYr posted submission on everymanshouldknow.
Feb. 6, 2017

Used to bite my nails for the past 18 years and I just stopped about 2 months ago. Now they're longer but I need some tips on how to take care of them, and keep them healthy and clean

Edit: thanks everyone for the tips, they're greatly appreciated. For those leaving sarcastic comments, obviously the reason I never learned was because I always bit them, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one. Anyways thanks guys!

2 years, 5 months agoMpOoNwEeYr posted on everymanshouldknow.
Feb. 6, 2017

I never bit my nails, but for other habits I found this book very useful.

[NeedAdvice] [Rant] I've always been a slacker and still am slacking even after making my New Years resolution to not slack! [R]

2 years, 6 months agoJan. 19, 2017

My New Years resolution was to have a much better semester in college but looks like everything is fucking downhill again. I failed one of my classes last semester and am taking it again.

I took really high quality notes in my first week and even highlighted them with page separators so I can categorize things.

That all went down the drain since last Thursday. I just realized that I did almost nothing in the entire 6 days besides doing a homework assignment which was due yesterday which I procrastinated on Monday.

I feel like I should just give up and tell myself that I can never focus nor can I achieve my goals!

There is just so much time in life if utilized properly but I let it wither away by shitposting on Reddit and playing video games.

I never thought I'd fail a class. And that class that I failed was straight forwards too. It was just a lot of work and needed like 2-3 hours of practice daily. You feel really depressed when you fail a class and see no improvement in habits when taking it again!

Sigh...

I really want to not just quit gaming, but also quit watching other people playing games as well as discussing such things. Its hard though.

I want to quit gaming completely until I have a handle of studying at least to the point where my studying habits are really strong where I can SLOWLY introduce some more gaming for fun maybe in a few years when I'm done with my education but only when I have programmed myself to where my actual career and ambitions outweigh this infinitely.

2 years, 6 months agoLordTengil posted on StopGaming.
Jan. 19, 2017

First of all, congratulations on quitting and making an effort to change. Big up.

Second, hardly anyone can change everything at once. Stick with ONE concrete small thing and make it stick. If you try to change everything at once, we will most often fail and feel disappointed and go back to old habits. "Be more productive" is also much to vague for most humans. Check out the book The power of habit by Chalres Duhigg. Anchored in science, it really has helped me change things I wanted to change for over 15 years. Lots of thing left to change, but I can't do it all at once. ANd often, changing only one small thing will bring lots of secondary benefits that makes other tings fall into place.

How do odour sprays like Febreeze or Lysol eliminate odours in the air? [R]

2 years, 6 months agoSle posted submission on askscience.
Jan. 14, 2017

I understand adding a good smell but is there chemicals in it that destroys the odours from whatever youre trying to rid the room of?

2 years, 6 months agoSle posted on askscience.
Jan. 14, 2017

I learnt this from reading the book "The Power of Habit". It covers the whole affair in detail, well worth a read.

How to be feminine, elegant and domestic, and not be so gross - please help a girl out! Long but entertaining, hopefully! [R]

2 years, 6 months agoLillelyse posted submission on TheGirlSurvivalGuide.
Dec. 30, 2016

NOTE: Also didn't explain this well - my gross habits are ONLY at HOME. I do NOT do any of these (except for the jokes) in public. I'm getting ripped apart like a social pariah when none of my friends would suspect I do any of these things. This is strictly for myself and my husband. And please, I'm a huge softie. I really love this sub and I'm just looking for support on how to improve myself. I'm reading some of these comments between appointments at work and wanting to cry. I know these are problems; otherwise I wouldn't be asking for help.

This is my New Year's Resolution this year - I want to be more feminine, domestic, and elegant with my own playful twist. Think a soft serve blend of the French ideal and Japanese kawaii.

I already have a lot of the feminine stuff down. I love makeup, doing my hair, I follow skincareaddiction religiously, and I have an idea about fashion thanks to femalefashionadvice. I also am told repeatedly I'm beautiful, which I think unfortunately is most of the reason I get away with most the shit I do. I love Disney princesses and my husband and friends would all tell you I'd love nothing more than to sing in a flowery prairie in a flowy pink dress while song birds twitter around my head.

Problem is...I'm gross. TMI WARNING.

I don't hold in farts or burps at home. I have IBS and I tell my husband way too much about it. I eat tons of foods like scrambled eggs with my hands at home, and lick food off my fingers. The husband says I make a horrible smacking noise when I do this.

I can't cook. Other than Kraft mac and cheese, I think I've boiled pasta twice in my life. Fortunately I can bake, but I do it rarely. My husband is an awesome cook and does pretty much every meal. (He even leaves me pour-over coffee every morning, because #sainthood). He went on a trip recently, and made two crock pot dishes, 4 ham sandwiches, and cold brew coffee ALL LABELED WITH POST-ITS for me to have while he was gone. It's a running joke I'd be sleeping in a self-made animal den of fast food wrappers, dirty clothes, and my own feces if he left for a long time.

A lot of my jokes are of the crass sexual variety - my friends laugh, but I can sense the hidden eye roll from some of them. I feel ashamed after I make these jokes, like I sold out for a laugh.

I don't do a lot of cleaning. I'm naturally a slob. Husband does most it. I'm told semi-annually by my dad that I'm "spoiled" and people tell me how lucky I am to have a cleaning and cooking husband.

I don't decorate either. This is one area my husband isn't good at either, so our new house is as bare as the day we moved in. I wanted to decorate for Christmas but didn't. Same with Christmas cards.

I see friends with beautiful homes who bring delicious homemade dishes to parties and seem sweet/elegant, and I'm madly jealous. My husband says he's happy and I do my best in other ways (our sex life is great, I support him 100% in all of his hobbies, I work out regularly and I really try to be a good hearted person.) I do get home a couple hours later than him every day and my job is emotionally and physically exhausting (I'm a mixed animal veterinarian) but I feel like I'm using that as a major crutch/excuse.

Cooking, cleaning, decorating, developing a more feminine mindset and attitude...I want to do it all, but it seems so exhausting I immediately give up. Can you ladies point me in the right direction on how I could break down the MONUMENTAL task of becoming less gross and turn into a better wife and more elegant woman in general?

tl:dr: I fart, burp, and eat with my hands at home, talk about my IBS, and I'm terrible at cooking, cleaning, and decorating. I think I'm becoming a disgusting person. Please help me become more elegant and feminine, for me and my wonderful husband's sake.

2 years, 6 months agoLillelyse posted on TheGirlSurvivalGuide.
Dec. 31, 2016

If you want to understand habits a bit better, and maybe get some ideas on how to break them, I would recommend the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It's a really entertaining read, and I thought that his explanations of habit loops made a lot of sense. Understanding why you just keep doing the same things everyday, despite knowing they're bad, can be really helpful!

Friday Fun Off-Topic Megathread [R]

2 years, 6 months agoMyMagnumDong posted submission on politics.
Dec. 30, 2016

Friday is upon us. Soon: the end of 2016. Please feel free to share any political cartoons, image macros, infographics, memes, or other things that would typically be off-topic here on /r/politics. Please keep in mind that civility rules are still in place, and that meta discussion should be saved for modmail or our monthly meta thread.

2 years, 6 months agoMyMagnumDong posted on politics.
Dec. 30, 2016

IWTL how to say a sentence without saying 'like' multiple times. [R]

2 years, 7 months agoembryodb posted submission on IWantToLearn.
Dec. 21, 2016

Im a teen and just realized that I can't finish a sentence without saying "like" at least 4-5 times per sentence. It's really frustrating when im trying to explain something because nobody takes me seriously.

2 years, 7 months agoembryodb posted on IWantToLearn.
Dec. 21, 2016

id say just try to be mindful, and catch yourself. it seems obvious but if you're trying to have better posture, or drink more water, or improve your diet, most of the work of changing your habits isn't, you know, the overarching month by month or year by year "decision --> results".

when you notice yourself slouching, sit up. that simple. just because youre slouching or you haven't been catching yourself slouching doesnt mean "you've failed."

this same pattern copies over to when you fall off the wagon and eat some empty caloric junk food, or want to change some other habit.

i dont remember everything from this, but there is a pretty good audio book i listened to called The Power of Habit where a journalist looks into the science of habits and behavior modification (and related stuff like addiction etc).

IWTL how to consistently practise something everyday [R]

2 years, 8 months agoonlineSnacktivist posted submission on IWantToLearn.
Nov. 11, 2016
2 years, 8 months agoonlineSnacktivist posted on IWantToLearn.
Nov. 11, 2016

I've found that purposefully building a habit is what keeps practice going. Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit has all the information you need to learn how to do that, but I'll try to summarise it there:

  • Find a cue for the beginning of your routine (example: if I finish having dinner, then I practice)
  • Streamline your practice so that it can be mostly a routine you can engage easily and almost mindlessly in
  • Reward yourself for engaging in the routine
  • Keep track of your progress

I am definitely forgetting some steps, forgive me. . . But the book I referred to definitely has the answer you're looking for.

8 am classes [R]

2 years, 8 months agoYA_GOD posted submission on college.
Nov. 9, 2016

Hey there. My schedule for the week includes 8 am chemistry, but I am not a morning person. I have missed two classes because I have overslept. I stay up late for a crap ton of work. I almost missed a chemistry yesterday due to this. I have three alarms set to wake me up.

Reddit, what can I do to help me wake up easier?

2 years, 8 months agoYA_GOD posted on college.
Nov. 9, 2016

I do not want to sound like your granddad but you should target to wake up at least 2 hours before your day start. in your case 6 am. morning time is really very useful and getting one big task done before starting your regular stuff gives you a feeling of a small "win" which is proven to make you feel more confident and less vulnerable to small "failures" later in the day.

Now obviously to wake up early, you need to sleep early and that takes a lot of effort generally.

rather than pussy out, make a habit loop out of it: set an alarm at 10 pm to fucking floss your teeth. and the next thing you do after flossing your teeth is get in the fucking bed. these triggers will eventually make it automatic.

also read this while you are in college.

TIL that rats who were trained to press a lever for food stopped pressing the lever once they saw that it also caused another rat to receive an electric shock [R]

2 years, 8 months agoOct. 31, 2016

[deleted]

2 years, 8 months agochapstickbomber posted on todayilearned.
Oct. 31, 2016

Had this easy read on habits recently talking about the basal ganglia being one of the primitive brain structures, so it makes sense that other animals would be just as susceptible to weird and inaccurate cause and effect beliefs.

Books every grad student should read regardless of field? [R]

2 years, 9 months agoaustinCR posted submission on GradSchool.
Oct. 18, 2016

I'm thinking: The Elements of Style and Even a Geek Can Speak. What are other books?

2 years, 9 months agoaustinCR posted on GradSchool.
Oct. 19, 2016

and how to structure your life and and habits to achieve your goals and/or how to work within the structures that other people have built to effect meaningful change.

Another book in that same vein that is extremely helpful on a person-to-person basis is https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/

I'm losing weight but I have an unhealthy relationship/obsession with food. How can I stop constantly thinking about eating? [R]

2 years, 9 months agoKingofthegnome posted submission on loseit.
Sept. 30, 2016

If you don't want to read the whole history of my relationship with food, just read this paragraph and then skip to the paragraph before the TL;DR. I've been eating around 1200 calories for the past two months, and I've lost 10 lbs in that time, most of it in the past month. Sticking to 1200 hasn't really been difficult for the most part. I'm a little frustrated by how slowly I'm losing, but at a 700 calorie deficit with a few hiccups along the way, the math pretty much works out. The thing I'm most concerned about is how I think about food.

I've always been extremely focused on food. I describe my childhood/preteen self as a "glutton child", and it's accurate. I'd eat anything and everything, especially if there was sweets, junk food, or nice cheese around. My parents kept very healthy food in the house growing up. Nothing sugary except sugar itself, no junk food, no meat except seafood once every week or so, and bread was usually the bland whole wheat kind. Don't get me wrong, I love veggies, whole grain bread, and seafood. I've had a great appreciation for fine foods my whole life, but when I was younger, my biggest craving was anything sugary. I never felt sick from sweets, and on Halloween I could eat my entire candy bag in one night. I was a little chubby, but always playing sports and exploring the woods kept me from ballooning too much.

In middle school my dad started making comments about how "everyone in our family is overweight". At the time, I was on a competitive soccer team year round, two other soccer teams at different points in the year, and played a school sport every season. In the summers I did swim team every morning. My sister has always been skinny and wiry. My mom told me that his comments came from the fact that he was really chubby as a kid, and got teased a lot, and wanted to make sure we didn't have that experience. He'd criticize the amount of butter and cheese my sister and I were eating, and my mom said that that was because his father died of heart disease when he was 52. For a couple of years I made certain to add extra butter or cheese every time he commented. He has since been diagnosed with heart disease, but he's doing fine so far, and I've started being careful about cholesterol and fatty foods.

When my parents were gone or busy, I'd go on "sugar hunts" throughout my house. Occasionally I'd find chocolate or candy stashed away somewhere, but eventually my parents either stopped keeping any hidden, or they hid it so well I couldn't find it. A few times in 5th grade I resorted to eating the store bought, brightly colored decorating frosting that came in a tube. It was nasty, but it was sugar. When we'd go to conferences or events for my mom's work, I'd stuff myself with sweets. Coffee hour was the only way my parents could get me to go to church. If there weren't any sweets or pastries, I'd eat sugar cubes.

I have a better relationship with sugar now, for the most part. I feel sick after eating a normal amount of candy or cake, and I don't constantly crave it as much as I did. I still have problems taking too much dessert, but I'm better about not eating it if I'm full or sick of sugar. But I'm still just as focused on food.

I constantly think about the next time I'm eating. I think about my entire day in respect to my meals. If I'm out with friends, I've already decided where I want us to eat, and what I want to get. I won't stop thinking about it until we eat, and then I'll immediately move on to focusing on the next meal. These thoughts aren't so invasive that they prevent me from socializing, but if I'm alone working on homework or anything, food will jump to the front of my brain. It's annoying and exhausting to be constantly thinking about and planning what and when and where I'm going to eat next. It makes it hard to accept if people in my dorm want me to get food earlier or elsewhere from what I'd planned. It does make the calorie counting easier, because I focus on what I've already decided to eat instead of cravings. But it still feels unhealthy.

TL;DR: When I was younger I'd stuff myself with sugar and junk food any chance I got, to the point where I would scour my house for anything sweet and eat that nasty decorating icing from a tube. My sweet tooth has subdued, but I still focus on food all the time. Read the last paragraph, it really describes the current issue.

Any advice for not being so obsessed with food?

2 years, 9 months agoKingofthegnome posted on loseit.
Sept. 30, 2016

What worked for me is to make lose "rules" of what you can eat. For me, it was unlimited Veg(anyway I wanted; included butter,cheese and creamed) unlimited white meat, limited red meat, cheese, bread (nothing fried). You do not do this to drop the pounds but to fix your eating habits. Every day you struggle to make it work and then one day you just don't need to anymore. You just go out to eat and find you order a salad/vegetable instead of fries. You order a steamed dish for a Chinese restaurant instead of deep fried gooey chicken. There is a good book you can read call the power of habit that might help you a lot with your issues https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X . You will learn it has less to do with you being hungry and more to do with rituals.

Top Spotify Plays 2015-2016 - New Interactive Visualization Tool [OC] [R]

2 years, 9 months agoInVan posted submission on dataisbeautiful.
Sept. 27, 2016
2 years, 9 months agoInVan posted on dataisbeautiful.
Sept. 27, 2016

Check out The Power of Habit. There's a chapter that explains how familiar sounding songs become radio hits.

“People listen to Top 40 because they want to hear their favorite songs or songs that sound like their favorite songs. When something different comes on, they’re offended. They don’t want anything unfamiliar.”

“There were songs that listeners said they actively disliked, but were sticky nonetheless… Male listeners said they hated Celine Dion and couldn’t stand her songs. But whenever a Dion tune came on the radio, they stayed tuned in. Within the Los Angeles market, stations that regularly played Dion at the end of each hour – when the number of listeners was measured – could reliably boost their audience by as much as 3 percent, a huge figure in the radio world. Male listeners may have thought they disliked Dion, but when her songs played, they stayed glued.”

How do i detach from the "outside" and being more unaffected by my environment? [R]

2 years, 9 months agoSept. 24, 2016

[deleted]

2 years, 9 months agocleomedes posted on Stoicism.
Sept. 24, 2016

There is a very similar (although not identical) response to this as well.

It is easier to shift your attention onto something than away from something (see ironic process theory). So, instead of trying not to pay attention to the outside, focus your attention more on the inside: work on becoming a better person.

How? Visualization techniques are popular with some modern communities (they feature prominently in Stoic Week exercises, for example), but I prefer what I believe is an older, more traditional approach: writing. In order to write about something, you need to pay attention to it, at least a little.

I find it helpful to break the writing exercise into two pieces. One is aimed at self-knowledge: what personality traits do I genuinely consider virtues and vices? That is, what personality traits do I feel proud of or ashamed of in myself, or admire or despise in others? I start with this technique, but modify it with an additional step. Begin with the recognition that positive emotions are caused by the belief that something good or valuable was, is, or will be; and negative emotions are caused by the belief that something bad was, is, or will be. So for each emotion, try to identify what the value judgements behind the emotion were. Sometimes, these are already about internals, and so provide information about what you consider virtues and vices directly. Other times, when the apparent values are about externals, think about the personality traits you associate with people who prefer or disprefer these particular externals. Over time, you can develop a better self-understanding with regard to what you consider virtues and vices. Looking at virtues and vices listed by others, like the ones traditionally listed in Stoic texts or similar ones found in many other cultures or modern fields of study (such as those proposed by Seligman and his colleagues), but none of these should be followed blindly. (Note that I am increasingly skeptical of the questionnaire based approaches formulated by Seligman et al., because they primarily mimic back at you what you already know about yourself, and seem less effective at deepening your own self-understanding than self observation.)

Then, once you know what you want to develop in yourself, conventional habit breaking and formulating approaches can be applied, for example self-monitoring similar to that described by Benjamin Franklin or techniques described in Duhigg's The Power of Habbit.

edit: Then, when you find something external is interfering with your judgement, consider "what virtues and vices apply here? How?" If it's convenient, write out an analysis with whatever is at hand (you email editor, scrap paper, whatever). If it isn't convenient, just talk to yourself.

Chuck Lidell and Dana reaction to Tito choking out Bader [R]

2 years, 10 months agoAug. 31, 2016
2 years, 10 months agoUnstizzy posted on MMA.
Aug. 31, 2016

I'm only 30% into this book but the author talks about this several times. The Power of Habbit

Beginner tips, tricks and advice [R]

2 years, 10 months agoAug. 28, 2016

Hey guys I'm officially starting out tomorrow morning. I was hoping you all might provide some tips, tricks or advice you wish you had know when you started.

2 years, 10 months agoZimbobwei posted on bodyweightfitness.
Aug. 29, 2016

I think I may be addicted to fast food [R]

2 years, 11 months agoAug. 4, 2016

[deleted]

2 years, 11 months agoCodeName_Empty posted on loseit.
Aug. 4, 2016

I started reading this book on Monday, and I am almost finished the entire book. It has really opened my eyes to the habits and choices I make. I have started breaking things down and looking deeper at my habits, whats going on around me when I make these choices and etc. Eye opening I tell ya!

I'm at my lowest point and I need some serious help. [R]

2 years, 12 months agoJuly 22, 2016

[deleted]

2 years, 12 months agoepistle_to_dippy posted on xxfitness.
July 23, 2016

Two good books you may want to read are The Power of Habit and The War of Art. I personally like The Power of Habit more, but The War of Art was on Jonathan Toews' Summer reading list this year. Also, The Achievement Habit... as they say, "The choices you are making now won't even seem like choices until it's too late." That was from the movie Race about Jesse Owens... highly recommend it as well!

WEEKLY OFF-TOPIC THREAD: PA DOES BOOK CLUB [R]

3 years agoRegisteredJustToSay posted submission on ProjectMilSim.
June 28, 2016

Are there any books you've read that changed your life? /u/TheEchoCode and I want to know!


Are you an avid science fiction reader? Do you live in a fantasy world? Or have you read about a true story that chilled you to the bone?

Or have you got a novel even more obscure? Fact or fiction, tell us below!

P.S. Continuing on the theme, Zero points will be awarded to any texts that include chapters about rotting fish (I'm looking at you, Sweden!)

3 years agoRegisteredJustToSay posted on ProjectMilSim.
June 30, 2016

No love for self-help books? Can't think of better genre that might "change your life". Have been reading The Power of Habit and have successfully applied it in creating some good habits and breaking some bad ones.

Other good books in my opinion are Rich Dad Poor Dad and Sun Tzu's Art of War. Both really get me thinking, and I keep the latter around for browsing through every now and then since it's a fun read both philosophically and historically.

Also, I'm offensive and I find your P.S. Swedish. :(

Any actual millionaires in this subreddit? [R]

3 years, 1 month agoswozey posted submission on Entrepreneur.
June 14, 2016

Calling on any successful entreprenuers in this subreddit.

How did you do it? At what age did you make your first million? Any advice for a 22 year old.

Any regrets? How did you actually feel when you realised you were a millionaire?

What was the journey to the first million like? I am intrigued by millionaires especially those who start off with nothing. If you would like to share your story that would be great :-)

3 years, 1 month agoswozey posted on Entrepreneur.
June 14, 2016

Read "The Power of Habit" sometime. You can listen to some motivational video and feel empowered to do things until you wake up in the morning. You need to build good habits where you're always striving toward a goal. Eventually it will just feel natural to work on progress.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

How to stop my Ritalin abuse? [R]

3 years, 1 month agoTAYDOTAI posted submission on ADHD.
June 8, 2016

Hey! I recently started on prescribed Ritalin for my ADHD. I take 10mg IR. I have recently (passed month or two) began to misuse Ritalin. I often snort it, take twice my dosage etc. I am 18, still in school. I I need to stop abusing it, but I truly believe it is vey necessary for me to use the prescribed amount. Even with me abusing it, it has helped me a lot with school. I would just love to hear some techniques or advice on ways to stop abusing it. My tolerance has grown as well so it now takes more to achieve the desired result. Thank you!

3 years, 1 month agoTAYDOTAI posted on ADHD.
June 9, 2016

Break the habit loop! I just skimmed the article but I think it sums up what's in the book on the same topic. I read the book (or listened to the audio version rather) and I think it's really good at breaking down what habits are, why we have them and how to change them. You have made a habit out of abusing your meds. Now if you want to end that habit, you might as well go methodically to work as this will give you a better result than just trying out of sheer will power. But as /u/megawavelord suggested you should first identify why you are doing this:

  • What is the context - school / alone / with others etc?
  • What time of day do you do it?
  • What are you doing right before and after?
  • How do you feel when you do it?
  • What is your initial motivation and inner reasoning for doing it?

You will learn more about your habit this way, which makes it easier to change it. I will not go through the steps of habit change, but I really think it could help you if you really put real effort into a methodical approach. (not saying you're not putting in effort now). I have changed a bad habit this way and I know others have too.

You have to believe in yourself though or else you will probably fail or return to your old habit in certain situations. I believe in you and wish you the best. Let me know how you are doing.

EDIT: missing words!

How do you deal with insane cravings when you have them? [R]

3 years, 1 month agomionni posted submission on loseit.
June 7, 2016

I am officially down 30 pounds as of yesterday WOOT WOOT! but I am noticing that over the weekend and yesterday I have had these cravings from hell! I went to Costco with my wife yesterday and it was one of their days they have samples everywhere, those were so hard not to eat cause I knew I wouldn't be able to track them. I was already struggling cause I was getting them and feeding them to my 2 year old who wanted them. That wasn't too bad but once we got to the front of the store to check out and they have ALL of their junk food up front I seriously just wanted to be like fuck it and get tons of junk food! I don't even normally eat that much sugar. I am not a huge sugar person but I wanted so many different bags of candy they had there! On the way home from Costco I wanted to stop at every fast food place and just shovel all the food I could eat into my mouth. Thankfully my wife was driving so I just didn't say anything and kept telling myself it would pass but even when I got home I wanted to eat way more than I had portioned for dinner. I had some calories left over at the end of the night so I ate some veggie straws but how do you all cope with this? I am determined to make this a life change but I need some advice and help with this. Why is it so hard for me to deal with food cravings and yet when I was drinking and smoking weed a ton those were easy for me to cold turkey and quit when I decided I was done with them? I don't drink and smoke weed anymore for religious reasons for those of you that would be curious.

3 years, 1 month agomionni posted on loseit.
June 7, 2016

Here are a few tips how you can minimize cravings...

These may or may not help for you (depending on where you are in the process/how much restraint you have built already). It gets easier with time and practice.

 

  1. Keep your trigger foods out of the house.

    Everyone has some foods they just can't control themselves around. When you're just starting out, those can't be in the house. If they are, they need to be out of sight.

  2. Eat and drink water before you go to the store.

    Often when I'm thirsty, I want to buy everything with lemon flavor, juice/soda, ice cream, or really any refreshing taste. I think I'm craving the food, but I'm really thirsty. Drink a lot of water. (Get the app Plant Nanny)

  3. Don't exclude any food / nothing should be forbidden.

    When I tried to cut carbs, all I ever wanted was carbs. When I tried to replace all my candy etc with carrot sticks, all I wanted was the candy and I would binge at some point. Keep eating everything in moderation (except your worst trigger foods).

  4. Many of the cravings are actually habitual. Learn more about habits and the power of advertising.

    A habit can work like this: You always drive the same route home, you see the fast food place, and your mouth immediately waters and you start craving the fast food. (Your cue just happened.) You give in to the cue, get the food, eat it. (This is your routine.) Your brain's reward center lights up like a christmas tree and you feel great for a while (Reward) and then the shame and regret. This can be unlearned and avoided, by for example driving a different route or replacing the routine with something else that gives the same reward. Great book about it here.

  5. Exposure therapy. Gradually learn to handle the trigger foods.

    I did this by eating 1 small piece of the same type of chocolate every day for 6 months, not treating it as "bad" food or morally wrong food, just as calories like everything else. Also if I wanted to eat something, I'd have a little of it. In time this started to stick and I got better and better at having trigger foods in the house without eating them, or eating just 150 calories worth. It can be done. It takes time and practice.

  6. Willpower/restraint is a finite resource.

    If you have already resisted 1, 2, 3, 4 situations during the day where someone offers you a cookie, you say no, you pass fast food or candy in the store and you don't cave, etc... Understand that your willpower will weaken and you are more likely to eat something in the evening. Prepare for this by having lots of healthy snacks handy.

 

>How do you deal with insane cravings when you have them?

I eat whatever it is I'm craving, but only 100-150 calories worth. It takes away the power of the food. I log it and I'm done with it.

Let me walk you through the CREEPIEST, CRAZIEST crime scene ever... [R]

3 years, 1 month agoMostlyTolerable posted submission on creepy.
May 26, 2016
3 years, 1 month agoMostlyTolerable posted on creepy.
May 26, 2016

I'm really surprised that this story didn't make it into The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

Goodbye GW2, you'll be remembered as the best MMO I've ever played, and the last. [R]

3 years, 1 month agoCakeIsSpy posted submission on Guildwars2.
May 23, 2016

For years now Guild Wars 2 has been my favorite game on the planet. I played it when I was bored, when I was sick, when I had nothing to do, and it has always been there with me. Really the game has been my go to for everything, because for me, it had everything. In truth, GW2 has been my addiction. That is why I have to quit, now and forever.

It may sound irrational to some, but the game had been consuming my life, it took from time I should be with family, or friends, or studying, or working, and not just some of it, but all of it. Since launch, I had played actively around 8 hours a day on weekdays and nearly twice as long on weekends or days I had nothing that I had to do. It wasn't until 3 and a half years later I came to admit I have a problem, not with GW2, but gaming in general.

I don't want to end up a failure and miss out at my one chance at real happiness because I can't control myself. So I have stopped gaming cold turkey, and at the time of this post, it has been a week. I've been trying to go back into my other hobbies to take my mind off of it, like doodling comics, reading books, or just browsing youtube, but it is hard, and I've been waking up a lot just wanting to log in and finish my Chuka or Champawat, or my Ascension, but I can't do that. If I go back now to do that, I won't be able to leave until the game itself dies. Really, quitting, it doesn't matter if I finished them or not, I won't have anything to show for it.

I will miss this game, and I will miss the community, from the guilds I played in, Starbuck[STAR] and I live in the Desert{MAN], to the rando's I would run fractals and dungeons with, to following tags in HoT metas, to taking camps and sniping yaks for Tarnished Coast.

Stay frosty Guild Wars 2, Anet, never stop making this game awesome, and Chris, please set down your hammer.

Edit: Wow, I never expected to get so many well wishes from everybody which really does just prove how awesome of a community GW2 has.

I read through all of the comments, at least all of the ones from overnight, and I really truly do mean "thank you everybody". At the time of posting, I found myself really wanting to just log in to do dailies or 3 pvp matches or even just asking for a thief with Chu&Charles and Asc completed to take some cool screenshots so I could lie to myself and fill the incomplete void, but as I wrote the post that kind of just made me realize more that I had a problem but it also made me want to play less, like it killed the craving.

I don't intend to delete my account or have a friend change the log in info because I feel like that will be a cheap fall back for me, and I kind of find comfort in the idea of potentially years down the road when my life is in order and I have made it past this, to log in again and just remember the fun times. I don't plan on giving anyone my stuff but I figure if a hacker figures out my gw2 password and gets around my authenticator in the mean time, I guess they deserve my stuff.

As for quitting gaming cold turkey, I really do mean all games. Most games are design to have those mechanics that keep you in to play longer and longer, especially MMO's which is why those are the #1 thing I have to stop. Gw2 isn't my first MMO, it is just been the most to my liking. I was in a similar spot in games like Conquer Online, Perfect World, WoW, Trove, Gw1, Everquest, and so on. And most of them I had spent around $500 each on, so I realize looking back that I definitely have that kind of personality the MMO's look for.

Then only game or game series I can see myself going back to is Monster Hunter as I think it is also a lot of fun but it is 100% designed to be played in 30 min to 1 hour spurts and has always been easy for me to pick up and put down, and really was only played while I was waiting for something. I don't know yet if I feel that will be a good idea for me yet, but luckily I have another month or so to see how I feel.

Back to my earlier point though, it was a huge boost of morale to wake up and find I had gotten so much positive feedback and constructive advice. I feel bad that I don't have the time to thank everybody individually, but really, I thank you all so much.

3 years, 1 month agoCakeIsSpy posted on Guildwars2.
May 24, 2016

I also had to quit GW2 due to it being too addicting. Personal two nickels: quitting video games cold turkey doesn't work, especially if you haven't changed your living environment, like the computer with all the potential games is right there in your house/apartment waiting to be played. It is an instant trigger reminding you to play again. My happy medium was strictly sticking to single-player games when I'm solo, and ONLY playing multiplayer/online games with people I have met and know in real life - as a way of socializing. Luckily the few friends that I have are busy and can only play on weekends so it's working out for now.

A few books that helped a TON in understanding why I had such a hard time quitting:

The Power of Habit

[Mini Habits] (https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Habits-Smaller-Bigger-Results-ebook/dp/B00HGKNBDK)

I hope it works out for you! IMO you are doing the correct thing getting back to old hobbies, but it definitely does take time.

reddit, I need your help. My little brother (14) is considerably overweight and is gaining weight very quickly. My mom's eating habits are undoubtedly the cause (2000+ calories of junk food daily), as they are now his habits too. She refuses to acknowledge it and we get in screaming matches daily. [R]

3 years, 1 month agoRickestRickSanchez posted submission on Fitness.
May 23, 2016

I wrote out a giant fucking essay but I was just venting and nobody wants to hear that so, I'll just write the key points here.

  • Mom is fat, doesn't work, doesn't excerise, eats a lot of junk food. Chips, candy, deepfried snacks, ice cream sundaes, etc.

  • Mom has no comprehension of what "healthy" means. Taco salad made of Tostitos chips for dinner? = healthy. Gummy candies say they are made with fruit? = healthy. Massive ice cream sundae + waffle bowl + this stuff (she calls it jam) with fruit on top? = healthy! "it's fruit! the rest is just to make it taste good!". Wonder bread, sunny D, hamburger helper, sugary cereals, frozen pizza - all are "healthy"!

  • Little brother, 14, eats what my mom serves him. In many cases this is WAY too much food. The lunches/dinners aren't too bad, it's the fucking snacks she makes him that are making him huge. He is constantly eating, because she is constantly eating. If she makes herself something, she will make two and give one to my younger brother. Usually this is: a bag of popcorn (each), 200g bag of chips (each), ice cream, lots of 'little' things like those red white and blue space popsicles or bags of gold fish crackers.

  • HONESTLY my little brother doesn't give a shit about any of this stuff, he just eats what he's given. If you don't offer him anything he won't ask for it, but what 14 year old is going to turn down a bowl of ice cream?

  • I have tried talking to my mom rationally about this stuff. It doesn't work. Her habits and lifestyle are pretty set and I really don't think I'm going to change her. I've even gone so far as documenting all of the food my brother ate one day, breaking down the nutritional information, and presenting it to my mom. (4200 calories. 6 hours spent watching TV after school). She dismissed it.

What can I do?

I try to lead by example. I eat healthy, and offer to cook healthy meals for my whole family. Sometimes my mom accepts, other times she firmly tells me "no, I'm making X for dinner." and if I feed my brother anyway she'll just feed him more.

I have a gym membership and casually brought up the idea of "hey, you should come to the gym today!" to my brother. It seemed to make him nervous/scared. He is very insecure about his weight.

I should point out that my little brother and I are good friends. We hang out, laugh, and interact a lot. It's a very positive relationship.

All advice is welcome.

Edit: I'm 21, male. I live away from home while in school but am home for the summer.

Edit2: Holy shit, woke up to 900 comments. Thank you everyone, I will read through them all.

3 years, 1 month agoRickestRickSanchez posted on Fitness.
May 23, 2016

The power of Habit by Charles Duhigg is a book that I read and got my mom to read to get her weight in check. It's got a lot of useful and interesting psychology, and helped me do better in college.

I wouldn't start out by trying to get your brother to work out. Find a sport, game, or anything remotely physically active that he enjoys, and do that with him every day at prime snack time (maybe after dinner). Then over several weeks progress to more strenuous activities, and eventually the gym.

Half the battle of exercise is routine, so your first step is to just classically condition him to enjoy doing something active at a certain time every day, even if it's as simple as a walk, bowling, or throwing a football for 30 minutes.

While y'all are tossing the football, you can talk a little about health and his weight. As you educate him about everything, you can make one small change with him first, and then build slowly from there.

I'd recommend focusing on sugar first and foremost. There's a great documentary on sugar and childhood obesity called fed up. It's definitely not perfect, though.

Anyways, converting your brother to a healthier lifestyle, especially with the your mother, is all about taking it slow, building strong habits, and then giving him the tools to do it on his own once the summers over. Something my dad always says that seems pertinent:

"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Keeping a diary [R]

3 years, 1 month agoiamjosh posted submission on writing.
May 22, 2016

Those of you that keep a diary, what's your method?

What do you chronicle?

Why do you keep it?

I've discovered Anaïs Nin and her work and it's really impressive that she kept such a massive diary and I suddenly felt inspired to begin to write one.

EDIT: Thank you so much for you're fantastic responses

3 years, 1 month agoiamjosh posted on writing.
May 22, 2016

I just passed my 3 year anniversary of journaling; I haven't missed a single day in that time. I struggled, however, for many years prior trying to establish this habit. I'll answer your questions and then provide some behavior tips for anyone interested in doing the same.

Why I journal:

  • It holds me accountable for my day. It can be a good ethical check.
  • Thinking about my life invariably leads to analyzing my life. Rumination can be dangerous and lead to intense dread if you do it infrequently; but performed daily, it allows for micro-adjustments and begins to diminish the accumulation of regret since you become accountable for your life daily.
  • As a creative person, I tend to spend long periods of time(hours/days/weeks...) alone; this can be dangerous as most people here probably know. During these periods, a lot of my entries are sparse: "I read most of the morning and wrote most of the afternoon...". When I become aware that I've been writing similar entries lately, it is a nice reality check that inspires me to change things up and connect with friends or do something different today to avoid being a "boring person". It's a great anti-rut mechanism.
  • It's a "cornerstone habit". It's hard to express the confidence that comes from knowing that you're capable of doing something daily for so long. I'm not a consistent person by nature, so this really is a huge accomplishment that I find encourages me in other areas of life.
  • As a writer, momentum is crucial. Any activity that gets you thinking and gets you typing is a win.
  • It's simply priceless to have a log of your life. I take this for granted now, but whenever the topic of my journal comes up, friends are always eager to see what my entry says on the day that we did whatever memory is the topic at hand.
  • Most great figures in history kept a journal. A major smug boost!
  • I can think of even more...

What I chronicle

This has evolved over time. I write almost an outline of the highlights of my day. I try to avoid self-indulgent writing; this isn't my masterpiece. Once I have the main points of the day down (which usually only takes about 30 seconds), I'll go back and casually fill in the details along with any reflections. My shortest entries can be a sentence or two while my longest can be around 2k words; my average entry is about 500 words. It's important to set a very realistic minimum goal; something that wont overwhelm you on the latest of nights with the heaviest of eyes. Knowing that I can finish an entry in 30 seconds has tricked me into many 10+ minute journal sessions.

Is daily important?

I really believe it is. I know people frequently say not to beat yourself up over it and just journal when you remember, but the reality is that if you don't get in the habit of journaling on "boring" days, you most likely wont take the time to write on important days either. Also, behaviors are mindless activities. It's just easier if you turn journaling into a behavior.

How to create a daily journaling habit

The Power of Habit is an amazing book. I don't typically like self-help books—this is not one of those! I think all people (but especially writers) should read it or at least become familiar with the core concept that all behaviors have 3 parts: triggers, routines and rewards. I've applied this in many areas of my life, but here's my specific strategy for journaling:

  • trigger: Brushing my teeth at night (I piggybacked off of an existing habit)

  • routine: Briefly outline my day (minimum goal); elaborate if I have more time(stretch goal)

  • reward: Allow myself to get in bed.

In summary, I know that after I brush my teeth, I should journal and that I can't go to sleep no matter how tired I am until I perform my minimum goal of outlining my day. This might sound like a pain on the longest of days, but after a few months it becomes automatic. I've had long drunk nights where I don't even remember journaling, yet the morning reveals...a great story :)

I hope that helps someone out there.

Have been scouring Reddit for an app (iPhone) to help me arrive early or on time to things w/ no luck. Suggestions? [R]

3 years, 2 months agoSpudFlaps posted submission on productivity.
May 18, 2016

Hello! I'm always late when meeting people, and I'm now a parent and hate that this is affecting my kid. It's something I can't stand the idea of teaching her. I want to learn to leave home early and arrive early.

Do you know of an app specifically for people trying to be on time, possibly that generates reminders, or an app I could use to keep track of how early or late I am? Thanks!

EDIT

Okay, I should have been more descriptive. Thanks to everyone telling me to use a clock, but I'm looking for more of a habit builder/tracker. So that I know how many days I've gone without being late to something

3 years, 2 months agoSpudFlaps posted on productivity.
May 20, 2016

I don't think an app is an answer to your problems. It sounds like you need to develop better habits. There is a lot of literature out there on developing "good" habits and giving up "bad" ones. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg is a popular one at the moment. To answer you question more directly, virtually all calendar apps (mobile and desktop) have notification settings. I use them at work to help keep me on task and remind me when I have important meetings or other events coming up.

Staying convinced I want to quit, and putting a plan in place? [R]

3 years, 2 months agoGorgoleon posted submission on leaves.
May 18, 2016

Hi fellow Leaves! I want to quit smoking weed.

I've been smoking weed habitually and daily for 4 years to date. I can acknowledge my dependence as there has maybe been five to ten days in the last four years I didn't smoke. (Correction: Couldn't / Didn't have access to). I've never majorly felt the negative impacts of smoking weed consistently for years, I guess in Allen Carrs terms I would be a "Confirmed smoker". I've asthma, but it doesn't make me very sick, often - yet. It costs me a lot, I make quite a bit and can 'afford it', but easily costs me between 4-5,000EUR per annum.

For me this is about improving my life, I'm not pulling myself back from the edge of catastrophe or from the pits of depression. I have lost control of how much I smoke. I'm making this post to keep myself focused, motivated and on track. I feel I have to prepare myself to quit first and am looking for advice on how I can best prepare myself?

My key concerns are; My closest friend is a heavy weed smoker. My life style has had weed as a key element of it for years, this has been of benefit at times, but risks out-weight rewards ultimately. Its been my habit to come home and have a few joints with my SO every evening for years, but I feel I can change this bad habit which slows me down, and negatively impacts my life.

My plan as it stands is to have at most 2 joints per day until Friday, see a friend who I may smoke with Saturday and have a chat about this with him. I'll let him know I'm keeping my distance for a few weeks to get over the toughest part, then that's it - no more. The reason I feel I have to prepare and plan is I'll also be attempting to quit cigs, as well as legitimizing my lifestyle. I also struggle to convince myself I want to quit, this is difficult for me as its an general health & finances matter, as opposed to pulling myself back from disaster. I'm reading Allen Carrs The Easy Way to Stop Smoking at the moment to help with the cigs and maybe weed :) I need to get myself to fully buy into this, and make changes in my life.

Wish me luck, share your opinions and advice, and best of luck to everyone out there making positive changes and quitting! T-5 Days until go :)

3 years, 2 months agoGorgoleon posted on leaves.
May 18, 2016

I also read EWtSS and it was easy for me to see similarities in my nicotine and marijuana use. Carr's book helped break my brainwashing with smoking and I'd recommend it to anybody looking to quit smoking cigs.

The Power of Habit is another book that helped shift me away from a stoner mindset. I'd suggest diving headfirst into it and analyze your habits with the habit loop exercises. After reading this book, I've adopted a 'we are creatures of habit' sort of attitude.

Wordy Wednesday - Gaybros Book Club and Lit Discussion [R]

3 years, 3 months agothraxicle posted submission on gaybros.
April 20, 2016

Hey guys! Let us know what you've been reading!

For book club this week, we're discussing chapters 8-14 of The Persian Boy.

For next week, we'll read chapters 15-21.

3 years, 2 months agothraxicle posted on gaybros.
May 6, 2016

A couple actually, right now, the top one that I recall is "The Power of Habit":

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

It has some interesting stories, I read most of the stories, but sometimes I want info without the padding. The stories help you remember the lesson of each chapter, it helps anchor it, but it can be rambling.

42YO. Chronic Fapper and PMO for 30Yrs-Wish me luck [R]

3 years, 2 months agoGoBackTo0 posted submission on NoFap.
April 27, 2016

Real Long story, real short. I began with playboy and bushy VHS movies at about 13, so literally 30 years ago. I also had sex for the first time at 13, and some curious touching at younger ages, nothing molesty though. I became regularly sexually active by 15, having sex weekly or bi-weekly. I have obviously always been sexual. I am married now (15 years) and have an active and enjoyable sex life with my wife. She's cool and very open to do whatever I am into. I am very successful in all areas of my life.

As for the fapping.. I have been a chronic fapper for as long as I can remember. I prefer 1-2X/day and have pulled 8-10 per day on occasion although it gets uncomfortable. My problem is this. As I said earlier, I am successful in all areas of my life, and very fortunate. I have a good career, a great home, a credit score over 800, and I am a high net worth individual. But I am never happy, I am always stressed, I feel like a slave. I have grown to LOVE porn. I became familiar with computers when 5 1/4 floppies were all there was. I installed the original windows on 31 disks and put a physical phone on a modem to download my first porn. I could keep several pictures on a single 3.5" disk. As decades went by my senses became more numb and my tastes more strong. I am not to crazy with the extreme stuff, but I have seen it all. I have seen things I wish I could forget, and become comfortable with things I should not be. I have had terabytes of movies, and gigabytes of pictures. Categorized, tagged, organized. I obviously have an obsessive personality.

3 days ago I began watching youtube videos about giving up on porn and fapping, and after years of knowing I need to change I made the choice. All pornography is gone, and after only 3 days I feel more free, less like a slave to my desires. I have no doubt that due to my time with this I may end up needing professional help, and I will seek it if I need it. But I am stubborn, and believe I can do this. My very good sex life will continue with my wife. But after today I will never watch porn again, and I will abstain from fapping for at least 90 days. Wish me luck

3 years, 2 months agoGoBackTo0 posted on NoFap.
April 27, 2016

Seriously, read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

(it is not an affiliate link)

Actually, this book is for all of you guys. Changed my life, literally!

Question on maintaining healthy eating habits... [R]

3 years, 2 months agomionni posted submission on loseit.
April 23, 2016

28M 5'8" SW:250lbs CW:242lbs. My first post on this subreddit, been lurking for a few months.

First off, I go to the gym for about 30 to 45 min, 4 to 5 days a week. Do a bit of weights and then hit the elliptical glider machine thing for about 20 to 30 min (about 1.5 miles). Not really sure what to do at the gym, but I sweat, so I must be doing something right.

Anyways, the issue I have is the eating part. I have horrible self-control when it comes to food. I work graveyard at a hospital as IT, and it is very slow and I get very bored. When I get bored, I want to eat, don't know why, but I just think about eating. Then if I do eat, I usually eat dumb food, and then I'm depressed and mad at myself for eating it. Also, pizza and burgers are my kryptonite, and I get the same feeling everytime I eat it. You'd think if it makes me feel depressed, mad at myself, as well as makes me feel like garbage, why would I eat it. Well I don't know. That's why I'm here, to ask, what do you do when you crave non-healthy food? Also, what do you do to keep the self discipline to stay on a healthy diet?

TL;DR: I feel depressed and mad at myself when I eat unhealthy food. What tips do you have to stay away from unhealthy food, and to stay on a good diet?

3 years, 2 months agomionni posted on loseit.
April 23, 2016

When you're bored at work, read this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

The reason I say that, is that every post or response you've written here so far, reminds me of things in the book. For example:

>You'd think if it makes me feel depressed, mad at myself, as well as makes me feel like garbage, why would I eat it. Well I don't know.

The book talks about some studies that have been made on rats - they conditioned them to run into a maze to get some chocolate. Once the habit was ingrained they poisoned the chocolate so the rats would get sick and nauseous when they ate it. They still kept running in and eating it. Then they electrified the floor, so when they ran in, they got an electric shock. They still kept running in. That's the power of habit / cravings.

Even when we know intellectually that it's bad for us and we will get sick or nauseous... we still do it.

You have to reprogram yourself. Figure out what the real reward is for what you're doing, then figure out a different way to get the same reward.

>For the 3 weeks that I was hitting the gym, eating healthy, counting calories, and just maintaining my overall health, I felt fucking amazing. I felt like I was in charge and the food wasn't. I felt like my mind, body, and soul were finally in-line with each other and I was on the right path. Then it started with just a single cheeseburger for dinner

Bad habits never die, they'll always be lurking, waiting for you to pick them back up.

Go back to doing what you know makes you feel good... Avoid your trigger foods.

If nothing else:

Start logging all the bad foods into MFP. You can still eat them, just log everything. That alone will change your behavior.

18/F - I realized I'm crazy and need help [R]

3 years, 3 months agohynnia posted submission on selfimprovement.
April 21, 2016

So I (like most people) have not had an easy upbringing. My dad is on the autistic spectrum but has never sought help. He is extremely cheap, manipulative, and unapproachable, and he's basically raised me to subconsciously think the same way he has.

Now, I know I'm just blaming all my problems on him, but it was the way I was raised and I don't really know how to consciously stop. Now, the problem is that I know everything I am doing wrong, but it is so hard to stop. I'm hoping that by writing it all out, I can put it in the forefront of my mind and therefore start to solve it.

1. Stealing things

  • I have sticky fingers. This is a major problem because I have a roommate this year and will borrow any small thing that I think will go unnoticed (food, shampoo, utensils, etc). She caught on a couple months ago and, rightfully, freaked out. Now the thing is, I just don't have a problem at all if she does the same with my stuff... but I know it's just a really creepy mindset.

2. Lying/Manipulation

  • I am not a great liar, and I'm very aware of it, but that doesn't stop me from trying. Sometimes I will lie for absolutely no reason. Sometimes I lie to avoid taking responsibility for things that were clearly my fault.

  • When my roommate approached me about the stuff, I tried to get out of it by making it seem like I was accidentally borrowing things. I can't tell if that was the truth or not. I knew I wasn't supposed to take those things, but I did because I didn't think she would notice at all. I guess that is pretty fucked up.

  • I had one friend who would have me over a lot. I once borrowed a book from her and lost it. When she not-so-subtly tried to hint about it, I pretended I hadn't realized what was going on.

3. Money

  • I have a terrible mindset about money. If someone borrows money, I will internally freak out. But I get so nervous and scared about asking for money back that I never do it and just kind of sabotage myself. If someone lends me money, I will either freak out that they will resent me for it and pay them back immediately, or if it's something small, I will "pretend" to forget about it and see if they never bring it up again.

I really need constructive help, I know I have a shit-ton of issues and I've been trying so hard to fix them. I haven't stolen anything from my roommate since she approached me, but I figured I could also really use an outsider's perspective.

Edit: If something seems vague or anyone has any questions, I will be happy to answer.

3 years, 2 months agohynnia posted on selfimprovement.
April 21, 2016

Very true. I'm going to add another book suggestion here. The power of Habbit. Theres a specific reason I'm suggesting this. There are certain habits ( such as reading ) which are considered corner stone habits. They are things that will affect other areas of our life. Creating or replacing habits ( not to say stealing is a habit, but can also be argued that it is ) with beneficial ones will ripple in your life in many ways. You grow as a person, you replace the time you allocated with negative things with positive changes. I think this book is a very good place to start to understand how we as humans can take steps towards bettering ourselves. http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

Need advice / help... [R]

3 years, 3 months agomionni posted submission on loseit.
April 14, 2016

For the last few months I´ve been eating a lot, especially after work. My daily routine after work was go to the supermarket, buy all the crap and come home and eat it. The things that I was buying can be divided in two section: salty and sweet food. ALWAYS had to be like that. For instance, I would buy a couple of buns (in German is Brötchen), cheese and salami. The next was also something salty, like pringles. And for the end, something sweet. Sometimes it was chocolate but mostly it was pudding or something creamy WITH chocolate. Intimidate when I´m at home, like in 2 minutes I would change my clothes, put some episode of Simpsons or Family Guy and overeat myself like fucking pig. You know in movies when a drug addict prepares his "stuff"? Like he has a nice needle, clean spoon, candle to heat the shit, rubber for his arm... I felt the same, like a drug addict. My "stuff" was knife, spoon, glass and a plate. And I would put my drug on it and almost overdose myself every day. For the past few weeks, I am trying to eat clean as much as possible, but as you know it is very hard to do that. I often do one day clean and the very next day it is the same story: work-shop-eat-repeat. I (who am I? M31) have gained over 3 months ca. 10 kg (22 pounds). Currently I weight around 108 kg (238 pounds). Before I was very active athlete, I used to do rowing for 15 years. As soon I started university, I stopped due to lack of time. Now I hate summers, I hate to go shopping clothes and what other "big" people hate to do. How to you cope with day to day eat clean and take care of your self? I have tried to mesure my intake with MyFitnessPal, but I do it just for one-two days and then I stop.... Thank you and sorry for my englisch if it is not correct.

3 years, 3 months agomionni posted on loseit.
April 14, 2016

When I read your post I immediately thought about this being a destructive habit - a cycle that you have trouble stopping.

I'll draw a lot of inspiration from a book here, that you might benefit a lot from reading. http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

 

So basically

A habit consists of a Cue -> Routine -> Reward.

  • The cue is what triggers you. (For example "leaving work")

  • The routine is what you do. (For example "Going to the supermarket, getting all the stuff, going home, starting Simpsons")

  • The reward is what you really get out of it, what need it fulfills for you (This is what you need to figure out.)

 

How to change it,

It's hard to just "not do it" if it's an ingrained habit and you've conditioned yourself to act that way. The best way to change it is if you keep the cue, change the routine, keep the reward.

So when you leave work, you do something else, to get the same reward.

It's up to you to figure out what this is.

 

Reward

What you first need to figure out is why you are doing this, what your actual reward is. If you binge eat a bunch of unhealthy foods, you are not doing it for the taste.

Are you feeling alone? Do you miss the companionship of your rowing buddies?

Are you trying to forget something, are you trying to get relief from some feeling? What is it you are trying not to face?

What the answer is here determines what you replace the shopping and eating with. For example, if you are lonely, replace it with some social activity with friends. If you are trying to escape from something, face the thing you're trying to escape from and you don't need to run anymore. If it's stress relief, you might try yoga or running. What will give you the same feeling of relief that the eating gives you now?

This is what you need to figure out, and once you do, you can stop this terrible cycle.

 

An example of what you could do

  • Start doing your grocery shopping on weekends instead and never shop after work, plan your meals for the week

  • After work (cue) -> Take another route home and don't drive past the store -> Do something that provides the same relief that eating does for you.

 

>As soon I started university, I stopped [rowing] due to lack of time.

Obviously you have too much time now, so start it up again.

[Question] What self-help books would you recommend to a teenager? [R]

3 years, 3 months agoApril 12, 2016

I'm 17 years old and have free time to read. Really interested in self-help books pertaining to success, hard-work, self-esteem, and boosting confidence.

3 years, 3 months agoKashi_and_friends posted on getdisciplined.
April 13, 2016

I can really recommend "The power of habit" by Charles Duhigg. I just finished it and feel like it helped me a lot to recognize my habits and I've already managed to change a few. :)

O que adquiri na semana passada [R]

3 years, 3 months agopullpush posted submission on portugal.
April 11, 2016

Visto que estamos sempre a aprender. O que aprenderam na semana passada?

3 years, 3 months agopullpush posted on portugal.
April 11, 2016

~~Li~~ Ouvi o livro The Power of Habits que explica como é que os hábitos funcionam e como é que os podemos mudar. Muito interessante, aconselho a quem estiver com ideias de mudar de vida.

Ideas from you Moms/Dads with young kids and 9-5 jobs? [R]

3 years, 3 months agoApril 1, 2016

I'm 29/6'0"/180lbs. My goal is to get lean, lose the steadily growing "dad-gut" and stay in the 170-175 range weight-wise. So it doesn't seem like that crazy of a goal...but at the same time, it does.

I used to play basketball 6 times/week for two hours at a time, and run 10ks/halfs. Well in 2013 my first daughter was born. I ran a half-marathon 1 week after she was born (on almost no sleep) in 1:54. So not awesome, but not bad either. I've probably run 10 times total since then. Back then I was in school and just working an internship (My wife made most of the money until we had kids). It was easy to just decide I should go for a run, and bam, 15 minutes later be out the door. Now? That seems impossible. I wake up, start getting ready for work, hear my 2 year old wake up, get her up and ready, hear my 5 month old get up, get her up and changed, then hand her off to my wife who feeds her, take my 2 yr old downstairs get her breakfast, make myself coffee and whatever I can prep and eat in about 5 minutes, usually a stupid eggo waffle and PB and a banana/maybe greek yogurt too. Then when my wife comes down, I rush upstairs, finish getting myself ready, come downstairs, read a book with my daughter and scram for work. Work til 5, sit in 40 mins of traffic, get home at 5:40, have dinner immediately, then spend my 90 minutes or so that I have on weekdays with my kiddos, put 2 yr old to sleep, and when that's all done, it's about 7:30pm and I'm totally wiped. I watch sports, or sometimes I will work on our finances, maybe watch a show with the wife, or just try to have a catch-up chat, then suddenly it's 9:30pm and it's about to start all over.

I know there are folks out there in my position. Teach me your ways! I just want to be able to workout consistently. Right now we don't have a gym membership, but plan to start one (just cancelled ours for the summer because usually we have goals to hang outside all summer/cabin/etc). I've started training for a half that is in May, but even that has been tough to find time to run. Will be joining Lifetime in the fall, but until then, we have an elliptical from the early 2000s, free weights, pull-up bar (the one that goes on the door frame - I never use it because my buddy broke his back a couple years ago using it) that I just use for pushups occasionally.

I know I need to man-up and get disciplined to work out in the EARLY mornings...I just can't seem to get out of bed when that alarm goes off!

3 years, 3 months agorevenant211 posted on Fitness.
April 7, 2016

Started listening to The Power of Habit on my commutes to and from work yesterday...highly recommend this. I've already learned a lot about how to set cues and rewards so I can get into the gym/out on my morning runs!

[Image] Wise words my grandpa wrote to my aunt almost 60 years ago [R]

3 years, 3 months agoAlbinoVagina posted submission on GetMotivated.
April 5, 2016
3 years, 3 months agoAlbinoVagina posted on GetMotivated.
April 5, 2016

[Image] Wise words my grandpa wrote to my aunt almost 60 years ago [R]

3 years, 3 months agoSmartnership posted submission on GetMotivated.
April 5, 2016
3 years, 3 months agoSmartnership posted on GetMotivated.
April 5, 2016

If this strikes a chord, I recommend:

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

by Charles Duhigg

Link

I did it! The 90 days challenge completed [R]

3 years, 3 months agoMichfullhate95 posted submission on StopGaming.
April 1, 2016

Hello, just on the New Year's Day I posted here my introduction, saying that (and explaining why) I decided to stop gaming. So now, after three months, I can say I successfully finished the 90 days challenge and stayed all three months completely without gaming.

Since I've had a good job I've liked a lot (I'm a SW developer, but not a game developer) even before I quit gaming, there aren't many great changes in my life, but still I consider the whole 90 day challenge an important experience. Plus, there definitely are at least some changes:

  • I started reading again. Since I've stopped gaming, I've read six books, which is probably more than during last 5 years combined. The one I liked the most: The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson (I see this book mentioned very often on this subbredit, but I just have to recommend it once more because it influenced me a lot.)
  • I now spend much more time outside. I started just by walking, which is a really nice way to relax and clear the head (for me especially after 8 hours of programming at work). And if just walking seems too boring to you, try Geocaching... Just half an hour ago I returned from a short walk, during which I found two geocaches (="treasures":-)) and I feel great!
  • Overall, I feel more calm and confident. Journalling helps me a lot, it's a good way to look back at what I managed/didn't manage to accomplish and it also motivates me. I write private journal, offline, only for me - that way I can be more honest and have no reason to lie myself.

What next? During those 90 days, my outlook on gaming changed a bit. Now I don't see it as "source of all evil" that caused all my problems in the past as I used to before. I understand that I (and only I, noone or nothing else) caused my problems by ignoring reality and escaping from it - even though mostly to gaming, which just made it easy. So in the future, I might even try gaming again in moderation and hopefully thanks to new habits I picked up during the detox (journalling, meditation, reading, physical exercice, ...) I wouldn't fall back into just gaming all my free time as before... But anyway, right now I can't say I somehow miss gaming and have any desire to return to it at all...

That's probably everything from me, thanks a lot for reading this to the end. I don't think I'm the only one who decided to stop gaming with the start of this year - so to all who did and are also now finishing their 90 days, congratulations to you! We did it!

3 years, 3 months agoMichfullhate95 posted on StopGaming.
April 1, 2016

Good work there. Thanks for your sharing, I'm new around here and I hope one day I'll achieve the 90 days off-gaming too. I'll definetely check out that book it might inspire me too in getting out of my addiction.

This could help you 2 as many users keep suggesting it as a good read.

How to beat urges to masturbate? Any tips? [R]

3 years, 4 months agoclimbedmtreagan posted submission on NoFap.
March 18, 2016

I have no problems when it comes on cutting off porn, but I always have problems when I suppress my urges to masturbate, within a week or two I will always be tempted to jerk off but in a lesser frequency compared with pre-nofap days. I want to completely get rid of it. Can you guys give any tips for me and other fapstronauts who are also experiencing the same problem?

3 years, 4 months agoclimbedmtreagan posted on NoFap.
March 18, 2016

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X This book helped me immensely, Habits come in a sequence. Your habit may be C, what you do before it is A and B. A and B will lead to C. so find out what A and B is and don't do that thing!! its much easier than cutting out C! Read, workout, buy a step-moniter and try to get 20,000 steps a day. (you will be busy)

[Question] How do you sustain change? [R]

3 years, 4 months agoAfterismQueen posted submission on getdisciplined.
March 16, 2016

I can get out there and do shit. Go for an hour on/off run and come back feeling happy and fulfilled. But If I do that now I don't run the next day. This basically happens every time:

  • I try to change;

  • I experience displeasure during the activity;

  • I avoid it in the future.

I am basically very lazy and always find myself giving up on an activity that has a greater energy requirement then what I am currently doing. Which is about zero energy.

3 years, 4 months agoAfterismQueen posted on getdisciplined.
March 16, 2016

Motivation doesn't last. It takes to much mental energy. You should read The Powe of Habit http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X. Has some great insight into how habits are formed and what makes them so effective.

How do I get my wife to push herself in the gym without me pushing her? [R]

3 years, 4 months agokang17 posted submission on Fitness.
March 14, 2016

As the title would suggest, I'm looking for input on how you were able to get your spouse into the gym without pushing too hard.

My wife has started going to the gym a lot more lately, even more than me, and I couldn't be more proud. But lately she has been complaining about not seeing any progress. When I questioned her routine, it turns out she really only attends a polates class and doesn't really do anything else.

i had a similar problem earlier on in our relationship when me made changes to our diet. She told me she wants to eat only healthy, clean foods. So I held her to this by only buying healthy foods and pushing her to stop eating garbage. Long story short, she felt I was pushing her too hard and she almost gave up her fitness and nutrition goals altogether.

I would like to avoid this at all costs, but I feel she needs to be pushed to expand her workouts so she can achieve the goals she set for herself.

I hope this didn't sound bigoted, sexist, or anything negative. I love her to death and only want what's best for her.

Has anyone gone through something similar?

3 years, 4 months agokang17 posted on Fitness.
March 14, 2016

Baby steps over time. An optimal plan isn't worth anything if a person can't adhere to it. Slowly change things up and make it fun by challenging each other with mini attainable goals. Getting fit isn't really an attainable goal because it's not specific enough. Doing pilates and yoga for 3 hrs a week is. Consider making goals a habit or educating her on fitness & nutrition from the wiki. The more she knows and understands the more accepting and optimized she will be with her progress

I've been running at a sleep deficit for years due to kids and bad habits. I'm in a routine now. How long until I'm normal? [R]

3 years, 4 months agoerasmosis posted submission on sleep.
March 6, 2016

6

3 years, 4 months agoerasmosis posted on sleep.
March 7, 2016

How do stoics balance temperance with leisure and recreation? [R]

3 years, 4 months ago-Ratel- posted submission on Stoicism.
March 2, 2016

How does stoicism view activities like watching TV, surfing the internet, and playing video games? I view them as mostly a waste of time, but I also feel like people need to include rest and recreation as part of a healthy and balanced life.

So, how much is the right amount of time to spend doing these kinds of activities? Are there any good guidelines for this?

3 years, 4 months ago-Ratel- posted on Stoicism.
March 4, 2016

Getting yourself to do these kinds of things that are boring at short term but rewarding at long term is difficult because of the way the brain is set up to work. There is quite a bit of literature about it. Books like Power of Habit might help you. We can't change the basic structure of our brains, but we can make better use of it.

Some life changes coming up and I'm scared [R]

3 years, 4 months ago[deleted] posted submission on loseit.
March 2, 2016

So I have been out of the country for the last 9 months on a work assignment which has been incredibly low stress and low time commitment (lucky I know) and this has helped me focus on losing 70+ pounds. All that is coming to an end this week and I return to the city where I lost ~50 pounds 2 years ago before gaining 75 and reaching my highest weight ever. So as you may guess, I am nervous about this move back to a more stressful environment and yo-yoing right back up. With the stress/business/celebration of the move I have already let my daily deficit slip a little from ~800 cals to ~400 and am doing about 1 day a week of maintenance eating. I know this is okay especially as I get closer to my goal but I am worried it is a slippery slope. It all starts with me not stopping by r/loseit as much because I am busier, then allowing big cheat meals to celebrate my return home, then not weighing myself because hey, its just water weight/sodium water retention, then that allows me another bad day....then BOOM 225+ again. I guess I need a warm r/loseit hug and some help in moving past my fears of not reaching my goal and then gaining it all back. Any advice on dealing with life changes and keeping the healthy habits I have built in place? How can I get out of my head and stop dwelling the worst case scenario which will only lead to self sabotage? Thanks guys <3 you all!

3 years, 4 months ago[deleted] posted on loseit.
March 2, 2016

Yeah, once you have some healthy habits established, I totally understand how it can be scary to have things changed up. The cues and schedules that trigger your habits aren't there anymore. You built up an environment where your habits are working, and you're not confident that you can re-create that situation in a new environment.

But you can. You just have to do it consciously; it takes more discipline and effort at first, but it can definitely be done. One of my habits is to pack a gym bag in the morning and put it in the car. I don't let myself come home after work until I've stopped by the gym. Intellectually, I know that it's really no different from going home, packing the gym bag (or just changing clothes), and then hitting the gym. But if the gym bag is already packed when I'm out and about, I'm much more likely to actually show up at the gym.

Also check out this sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/MealPrepSunday/
Great for people who are eating healthy on a tight schedule.

And this book: The Power of Habit

9 Habits that lead to a healthy lifestyle [R]

3 years, 4 months agosmell_the_poubelle posted submission on DecidingToBeBetter.
Feb. 28, 2016
3 years, 4 months agosmell_the_poubelle posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
Feb. 29, 2016

IMHO is better to read this then these kind of articles. As a personal general rule I not even consider articles that have a title that starts with a number.

What do you do to make yourself feel alert getting out of bed early, instead of dragging ass and hating your life for the first 30 minutes? [R]

3 years, 4 months agoJjjjustJack posted submission on AskMen.
Feb. 25, 2016
3 years, 4 months agoJjjjustJack posted on AskMen.
Feb. 25, 2016

The night before I make a detailed list of how I'm going to go about my day. Like:

  • 8:00 Am - Wake up
  • 8:05 - Make coffee and eat cereal
  • 8:30 - Shower
  • 8:45 - Get dressed

etc etc. That gives me goals and something to keep up with, which helps me from just laying in bed hating life. It's also a great habit to get into, especially if you extend that throughout your day.

I also put my alarm across the room so that I have to get up and out of bed to turn it off. It's all about finding habits that work for you. I'd suggest you read The Power of Habit. It' a great book that forces you to examine your habits and lifestyle and very well may help you adjust in such a way that the mornings aren't so challenging.

Help me stay off Querytracker and Duotrope [R]

3 years, 5 months agoMpOoNwEeYr posted submission on writing.
Feb. 20, 2016

I'm working on new short stories and outlining another novel. I write pieces for my blog. I read literary journals, fiction in the genre I hope to be published in, and books as research for my next manuscript. I trade pieces and chapters with real life people and people I've met online.

I work to keep my house clean, and spend time with the kids. I keep up with lesson planning and grading for my teaching job. I spend as much time with my wife as I can before she gets sick of me.

I distract myself in every productive way I can think of, yet I can't stop checking Querytracker and Duotrope dozens of times a day, then getting fully bummed out at every rejection and nonresponse.

Any advice?

3 years, 5 months agoMpOoNwEeYr posted on writing.
Feb. 20, 2016

This book might help. It's also just a great read in general.

Hunger or Habit? What Are Your Eating Cues? [R]

3 years, 5 months agoJessPlays posted submission on loseit.
Feb. 17, 2016

Hi /r/loseit!

You're driving down the road and you see them -- the "Golden Arches" and now I'm thinking about a double cheeseburger with grilled onions.

I had gotten into the habit of walking to the grocery store first thing in the morning (4 miles round trip) and stopping at the Dunkin' Donuts for a turkey-sausage and egg flatbread sandwich. Now, I mentally equate even driving to the store with that particular food at any hour of the day.

These food cues can be from a situation: your mom and dad maybe took you for a milkshake after a good dentist appointment or soccer game. Movies mean popcorn. Sunday means pancakes.

Psychology Today says, "people who are obese show stronger neural activation in response to food cues and need to exert more effort to control their appetite when encountering them. Those who are overweight also tend to view pictures of food more readily than lean people. This is especially so when they report having a food craving. Thus, when experiencing a food craving, an individual who is overweight may have a heightened awareness of food cues around them."

Alright /r/loseit -- what are your cues? And, once you recognized that, how have you managed them? Please share in the comments below!

M52 5'11½"/182cm SW:298lb/135kg CW/GW:Maintain ~186lb/85kg[recap] with MyFitnessPal+Walking/Hiking+TOPS

3 years, 5 months agoJessPlays posted on loseit.
Feb. 17, 2016

On this topic, there is a FASCINATING book called The Power of Habit which goes in depth on why we do what we do and how to change bad behaviors. Basically the author makes the argument that every habit has a cue, the routine, and then a reward. The key is to adjust the cues and the rewards to change a routine.

Also here's a long interview on YouTube with the author about his ideas.

I'm 22. What should I be doing? [R]

3 years, 5 months agorshackleford161 posted submission on asktrp.
Feb. 13, 2016

I'm 22, already swallowed trp and I'm glad I found it before I got married or anything like that.

I'm already lifting, plate spinning and have a plan to get wealthy in the future.

Is there anything else I should be thinking about?

What would you have done differently if you had a chance to do it again?

3 years, 5 months agorshackleford161 posted on asktrp.
Feb. 13, 2016

Work on creating good habits as habits will make or break a man. The Habit Loop is a good book for understanding habits. I'd also read The Slight Edge for ways to push forward in the same vein.

Bring your fashion game up to par as it will only help you and remember that dressing up and dressing well are very different things.

Read more, read non-fiction, read the classics. I disagree about reading the newspaper as I find the content to be irrelevant or light due to the pace required in publishing, even in WSJ and NYT. I prefer The Economist and The Atlantic, though honestly I've just stopped reading so much news.

Learn about investing -- back to the reading... The Bogleheads have good retirement planning and investing literature.

I would be better about going out to spend time with my family and friends rather than staying in to re-watch the same old shows or fap. When with family, I'd not just sit around but get better about organizing "doing things together" as opposed to "being together". drink less, not much good comes from it. I'd have left my previous job earlier to start my own company earlier. I'd have done better in undergrad.

[Image] You'll Never Change... [R]

3 years, 5 months agomtg0921 posted submission on GetMotivated.
Feb. 5, 2016
3 years, 5 months agomtg0921 posted on GetMotivated.
Feb. 5, 2016

Recommending this book The power of habbit if you are interested to explore more on this.

Day 28ish and everything is getting better [R]

3 years, 5 months agoCarterListens posted submission on NonZeroDay.
Feb. 5, 2016

It's been a while since I last did this. Everything seems to be getting better. I joined a gym to keep my mind from wondering. Even though I feel anxious/self conscious when I'm around a big group of people I started doing joining those cardio classes that they have at the gym. I'm usually in the back but hey baby steps right? I have a couple of interviews for next week but it looks like I'll be working pretty soon which is great. I've been looking into a veterinarian assistant program. It looks great and I think I'm going to take those classes because I would prefer working with animals than people haha.

I've been trying to be better, not for others but myself. Reading everyone's stories just inspired me to be better. I hope everyone reaches their goals!

3 years, 5 months agoCarterListens posted on NonZeroDay.
Feb. 5, 2016

Baby steps!

But seriously, one thing at a time, it's a catalyst.

Might I recommend some light reading? The Power of Habit, best book I ever read that showed me where I wanted to go. I'm not even there,

I'm a hypocrite, master of none, but it was a good first step as well! I read a lot more helpful books.

Can't break my twenty year habit. [R]

3 years, 5 months agoFeb. 2, 2016

[deleted]

3 years, 5 months agoRickAstleyletmedown posted on EOOD.
Feb. 2, 2016

Long habits are very hard to break, but it's definitely not impossible. I found this book to be helpful. It's not exactly a self-help book because it's not telling you what to do, but it just talks about how habits influence us. The take home message though is that our habits are triggered by certain cues. Once the cue triggers us, our brains go into autopilot and slide back into the habit. So the trick to breaking or changing a habit is to change the cues that you respond to. For me, sitting down and getting on reddit in the morning over breakfast can lead to hours wasted and forgotten morning exercise. So I identified my trigger point as sitting down to eat breakfast. Once I had made that realization, I changed my morning routine. I made myself exercise first thing in the morning before doing anything else. Then, I blocked reddit on my computer on weekdays during the day and started reading the news instead, which is much easier for me to break away from and get to work. I also set an alarm that told me when breakfast time was over. Another bad habit was making a pot of coffee at work whenever I wanted a distraction from what I was doing. Making the coffee, waiting for it to brew, starting chatting, etc. could stretch from 5 minutes into 30 sometimes, but it was really about taking a break and not the coffee itself. So I moved where I kept my coffee. Then every time I went to go get some, I remembered why I had moved it and triggered my new habit. I starting doing 20 pushups before making the coffee. Nine times out of ten, that was enough of a break/stretch to refresh my mind and I would go right back to work without needing the drawn out coffee break. Or if I did still want the coffee, it reminded me to keep it quick. Anyway, the point is, don't try to change anything immediately -just start paying attention and notice what triggers your bad habits. What stops you from getting out the door and taking that walk? Then change your routine to avoid those triggers and create new positive ones in their place.

Most importantly, know that you can do this. It's hard, but you can change.

EDIT: To elaborate on how I got myself to exercise first thing. I started putting out my workout clothes and shoes at night right smack in the middle of the hall where I would see them first thing in the morning. It's easy to make the commitment at night and harder to follow through in the morning, but putting out the shoes triggered my memories and reinforced the commitment in my mind, helping me form the new habit. When I did later sit down for breakfast, I started eating at the table instead of on the sofa. That also helped me remember to eat and go rather than settle in for a long reddit/internet session (not to mention helped my posture and back pain).

It's needs to happen, but how to stay commited? [R]

3 years, 5 months agoJan. 26, 2016

[deleted]

3 years, 5 months agospurplebirdie posted on loseit.
Jan. 26, 2016

I second this. You need to develop healthy habits so that your new lifestyle becomes effortless. I recommend reading the Power of Habit for tips on how to develop habits.

Another thing is that you need to become a foodie. What I mean by that is that you need to learn to LOVE food. But real food. Not highly processed and flavourless crap. If you want to eat dessert- fabulous! But it better be good. No stale doughnuts or snack foods with salt/sugar and fat optimized so precisely that it's basically crack. When you stop eating it, you stop craving it. Develop your tastes. Eat good food. It's much easier to eat a normal serving size when the product isn't designed to trick your brain into consuming as much as possible.

Good luck!

Facebook post by Mark Zuckerberg [R]

3 years, 5 months agoAlbertican posted submission on minimalism.
Jan. 25, 2016
3 years, 5 months agoAlbertican posted on minimalism.
Jan. 26, 2016

Absolutely, that is exactly what this is. I think this idea is what makes habits such powerful tools. Making something a habit basically removes a decision from your day. While these decisions might seem trivial - what to wear, what to have for breakfast - they all consume a bit of your limited supply of mental energy and attention - your "psychic RAM" as David Allen calls it.

I thought an excellent book on the subject was The Power of Habit.

How to develop more and play less? [R]

3 years, 6 months agoJan. 14, 2016

I love video games, I want to make video games and I am already making some. I can draw pixel art, make 3D models, code with C# in Unity etc.

But I am addicted to playing more, I spend hours with playing thinking "I can spend this time with making a video game instead of playing" and I always find myself playing same games, MOBAs like SMITE etc.

I planned to uninstall steam and all video games but that is what I want to 'make'? So it would be like wanting to become an artist but burning all paintings hanging on your walls.

It is probably a stupid question "How do I develop more?" Well.. just develop, right? But I spend like 15-30 minutes with learning on working on a game then 4-5 hours in a game

3 years, 6 months agocorysama posted on gamedev.
Jan. 14, 2016

Daily FI discussion thread - January 06, 2016 [R]

3 years, 6 months agoKevType9 posted submission on financialindependence.
Jan. 6, 2016

Please use this thread to have discussions which you don't feel warrant a new post to the sub. While the Rules for posting questions on the basics of personal finance/investing topics are relaxed a little bit here, the rules against memes/spam/self-promotion/excessive rudeness/politics still apply!

Since this post does tend to get busy, consider sorting the comments by "new" (instead of "best" or "top") to see the newest posts.

3 years, 6 months agoKevType9 posted on financialindependence.
Jan. 7, 2016

Not a FI book, but I've really enjoyed The Power of Habit (Feel free to PM me for PDF). It really opened my eyes to how good AND bad habits are made, and how to improve myself in a way that works. It also gave me a new perspective to understand how people operate, which has been enlightening in more ways than one.

TIL the test pilot for the first american jet plane wore a Gorilla mask, a Durby hat, and a Cigar just to mess with other pilots he buzzed. The Pilots were then convinced they were crazy for having seen a Airplane without a propeller with a monkey at the controls. [R]

3 years, 6 months agojamalexandrou posted submission on todayilearned.
Jan. 4, 2016

Don't fall into these two traps. [R]

3 years, 6 months agosi13b posted submission on StopGaming.
Jan. 2, 2016

Here are two traps that I avoid:

1.- I need to reward my self because I had a shitty day/week/month.

I've had it happened. You think that because you had a toothache, a cramp, and walked into the corner of the wooden base of the sofa and made your toe bleed (yes, it happened), you deserve some compensation. However, the truth is that you're just going to feel even worse.

2.- I had a productive day/week/month, I can reward myself.

The reason you were productive is because you stayed away from games. If you go back to games, you will lost your productivity.

Remember, if we're here, it's because we can't do it in moderation. It's ok, life is great and it's going to get better.

3 years, 6 months agosi13b posted on StopGaming.
Jan. 2, 2016

We still need to reward ourselves, otherwise what do we have to look forward to? But we need to find healthier and more productive rewards besides gaming and/or tv.

Instead of chilling out with games, try reading, walking, cooking, or <insert activity that you enjoy that relaxes you and isn't gaming>.

That's how new habits are built -- cue, habit, reward.

Highly recommended, The Power of Habit -- http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/

edit: grammar

Per quale ragione state vivendo? [R]

3 years, 6 months agoswitchhh posted submission on italy.
Dec. 27, 2015

update: ho letto e ho riflettuto. Molte cose che avete scritto le condivido, alcune non le condivido affatto altre invece mi hanno mostrato una nuova faccia della vita che non avevo considerato. In ogni caso leggervi mi è stato di grande aiuto, vi ringrazio molto per questo

Ciao r/italy, ho 25 anni, sono laureato, ho un lavoro a tempo indeterminato inerente con la mia laurea e anche se non e' retribuito tantissimo lavoro con persone stupende che mi fanno sentire a mio agio. Sono anche fidanzato con una persona con cui mi trovo molto bene. Nonostante questo e' due mesi che sto pensando di suicidarmi.

Il motivo principale e' che non riesco a trovare uno scopo alla mia vita, parenti, amici la mia stessa fidanzata mi fanno spesso discorsi riguardati li matrimonio, comprare una casa (con mutuo pluriennale), trovare una stabilita e iniziare a pensare anche ad avere figli. Tutti valori che non condivido minimamente. Tutte le persone con cui parlo sembra che la realizzazione di una vita sia trovare un lavoro a tempo indeterminato, comprare casa, vivere per 60 anni nello stesso posto, morire. Ho sempre sognato di realizzarmi diventando ricercatore, scienziato, di viaggiare il mondo. Tutte cose in cui non sto riuscendo minimamente. Molti mi dicono che avere il lavoro che ho sia una realizzazione personale molto importanti ma io non riesco a vederla cosi, anzi avendo anche un contratto indeterminato mi sembra di essere ancora piu' incatenato al posto in cui vivo, senza piu' possibilita' di un cambiamento.

Ogni tanto ragiono e mi dico che non sono soddisfatto solo perche' non avendo mai provato le cose che sogno (ahime' l'erasmus/universita' all'estero e' una delle cose che rimpiango di piu' ora) mi sembrano migliori di quelle che in realta' sono ma questo non mi basta per "consolarmi". Una cosa in cui riesco bene e' un mio hobby, non l'ho mai considerato una ragione di vita (come fanno altri) ma ormai, visto che sto mettendo in dubbio tutto, mi sto ricredendo. Che sia davvero quella la mia ispirazione? Dovrei forse mollare tutto e vivere come un nomade/yippie e seguire il mio hobby? In realta' penso che la verita' sia nel mezzo, vorrei poter seguire le mie passioni, e avere un lavoro che mi gratifichi ma non sono sicuro che questo basterebbe a riempire mia vita. Piu' che altro per vivere la vita che sognerei dovrei abbandonare sia la sicurezza del lavoro che la mia fidanzata, che anche se comprende la mia "visione" del mondo non sarebbe disposta a seguirmi, perche' anche lei ha bisogno di avere la "sicurezza" del posto fisso.

Non so se questo e' il posto giusto, non so neanche se ha senso quello che ho scritto e se sono riuscito, anche vagamente, a spiegare quello che sto vivendo ma dovevo condividerlo con qualcuno. Grazie solo per averlo letto

3 years, 6 months agoswitchhh posted on italy.
Dec. 27, 2015

ti lascio un po' di materiale che spero ti ispiri:

tranispotting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCxgqHqakXc

steve jobs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZDsm-cvnn8 "non vivere la vita d' altri", riguardo al fatto che tu fai peso soprattuto sul fatto che siano i TUOI genitori, I TUOI amici, la TUA ragazza a romperti il cazzo sul mutuo PLURIENNALE e sul matrimonio. e poi ti chiedi se dovresti vivere come un HIPPIE, guarda caso, steve jobs...

troveresti il coraggio di ammazzarti, ma non hai il coraggio di "rischiare tutto per realizzare uno sogno che nessuno vede tranne te?"

credo che questo libro possa fare al caso tuo: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X non l' ho ancora letto però..

per te si tratta di uscire dalla "trappola del topo", e lascia perdere quello che ti dicono gli altri, vivi la tua vita, come piace a te, non prendere un mutuo pluriennale "perchè lo fanno tutti", quello è il miglior modo per rimanere infelici e delusi.

fossi in te mi troverei una bella mistress (al max ci lascerai 150euro...) o conivolgerei la tipa in roba bdsm visto che sembra che ti piaccia:

a volte andare oltre è l' unico modo per dare un senso alla tua vita -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58n7yS_0niw

Confessions of a mediocre engineer [R]

3 years, 7 months agoKevType9 posted submission on cscareerquestions.
Dec. 11, 2015

tl;dr I'm a mediocre engineer who somehow stuck around the industry for 10 years.

I’m a software engineer 10 years into my career and I feel like I really haven’t learned much in the past 10 years. I know there’s a thing called impostor syndrome, but I feel like I’m actually an impostor compared to my peers. I can’t say I know one language really well and can't code up a side project in a weekend. It takes me a whole weekend just to set up a bare bone application and the dev environment. Any new project I take up, it takes me a bunch of time to get started because there’s a bunch of stuff I need to learn which I feel like I should know already given my experience. Seems like everyone else is a rockstar who has endless energy to work day and night.

Looking back, I realized how easy it is to get by in the industry with a little luck. I’ve slacked a lot during my 20s. I’ve been fortunate to go to a top school. Studied hard to pass exams with a 3.0 technical GPA (maybe 2.5 overall, but I noted the technical in my resume of course), found the right partners to complete projects, and found a part time job doing “programming” for some non-technical business owner to kick start my resume experience. Graduated at the right time in ’05 and got my first job in some mediocre tech company, who’s interview consisted of reverse linked list and some tv remote design problem. Slacked for a few year doing pretty much the same things, since there’s no shortage of grunt work in tech. I learned basic JS, Java, and enough about web app frameworks to pretend like I know what I’m talking about. Nothing too advance at this point and not much accomplishments, but it’s easy to talk up the projects in future interviews. Only got promoted once in a few years so far.

Five years in, I studied to change jobs, failed a few interviews which turned out to be good practice, and eventually had a friend who joined a growing pre-IPO company and gave me some tips on the interview process which helped me get in. A few more years of doing grunt work while I see those around me take up challenges, work hard, and see their careers sky rocket along with the company. Now I get paid pretty well since yearly raises add up and the company went IPO, but have regrets that I’m way behind in my skills and career progression (again, 1 promotion in 5 years).

At this point, 10 years into my career, I feel like I’m stuck in a hard place. People expect me to be experienced, but I don’t know how to say I actually need a lot of help. I wonder if peers judge me for being stuck at my current level (new grads 2 years in could probably be promoted to my level). The stress to compete with younger people is beginning to pop up in my mind, even though I try to not let it get to me. It doesn’t help that my discipline is terrible since I cruised for the past 10 years and I have a hard time sustaining long periods of focus.

Anyone else feel the same about being mediocre? Any late bloomers here that can share their story for encouragement?

3 years, 7 months agoKevType9 posted on cscareerquestions.
Dec. 11, 2015

> Have never led a large scale project, or finished a side project. Not even sure what I would talk about in an interview when asked about accomplishments.

So start a side project.

> Not really good with command line or dev tools like git. I can use basic grep, find, and awk, but have never written a script file which most advance devs seem to do.

So learn to write a script

> I always feel like I'm a step slower than everyone in terms of understanding problems.

So maybe you are. I would expect you to be if your work never challenged you (or rather, you never allowed it to) and you didn't put in enough effort outside of work to learn. That can be fixed though, in my humble opinion you need to get over this "woe-is-me" attitude you have going on. Get home from work, work on a project that you're interested in, and use that to build your competence.

P.S. If motivation is your issue, which it sounds like it may be, I highly recommend you read The Power of Habit(also here's a free PDF). It changed the way I look at willpower, and has helped me build a bunch of good habits that I had always struggled with before.

Cutting back smoking [R]

3 years, 7 months agotreedittor posted submission on eldertrees.
Dec. 9, 2015

Hey guys, i've been been wanting to stop smoking pot for a while, but it's especially difficult as I use it as a means of falling asleep.

Over the years, pot has went from something that was fun, made me laugh more, happy, etc. to, I feel, the opposite.

However, I don't want to quit all together, but just be able to smoke a couple times a week if I like, but not daily/multiple times a day like I do now.

Have any of you successfully went from a daily smoker to an occasional smoker? and if so, what's the best way you've found?

Thanks

3 years, 7 months agotreedittor posted on eldertrees.
Dec. 9, 2015

You could try Charles Duhigg's "The Power of Habit".

Amazon link.

It contains a ton of information on the science of habit formation, as well as techniques and insight on how to apply it and achieve your goals.

I was suspicious at first, but it's more pop-sci than it is "self-help", and I've been finding it very useful for dealing with a situation that seems quite similar to yours.

LPT Request: How to get out of a lazy routine. [R]

3 years, 7 months agoiLoveLamp83 posted submission on LifeProTips.
Dec. 2, 2015

Im fining it really difficult to get out of my routine of siting on my laptop all day or watching tv. every now and then i go for a jog but i have to really force my self.

EDIT: ive seen a lt of similarities in the comment which i will definitely try. ill try add the best ones to the list.

These seem to be the best:

  • Lists are probably the most common in the comments. Crossing off things that you've done gives a small sense of achievement i guess.
  • Not necessarily a routine but do the same thing as soon as you wake up every day. Putting on some shoes, having breakfast as soon as you wake up etc.
  • Healthy eating and getting enough fluids is also recommended a lot, giving you more energy to actually want to do something other than sit around.
  • Although personally I'm single many people say going out for lunch or grabbing a coffee in the morning with your partner just to get out the house helps.
  • There also seem to be some subs dedicated to this r/Getmotivated and r/getdisciplined
  • When wanting to do something don't even hesitate 'just do it' as soon as you get the thought. (This one seems a bit difficult for me but might help you)
  • Don't tell yourself you'll sit down for 'just a minute' in between jobs it'll only cause for a bigger distraction. wait until everything you needed/wanted to do is done. "Everything in my life will be better/easier if I just get this done now" works as well as just do it.

EDIT 2: Someone said telling someone you'll do something and an exact time to get it done by can help you get more motivated so i WILL give you guys an update LPT on what helped me in 2 weeks time! If i don't then you can all down vote me to hell.

Will post update in exactly 2 weeks on the 16th!

yup op delivered. That post is HERE: https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/3xepbe/lpt_how_to_get_out_of_a_lazy_routine/

3 years, 7 months agoiLoveLamp83 posted on LifeProTips.
Dec. 2, 2015

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg has some valuable insight into stuff like this.

In particular, he references what he calls "keystone habits." They're different for everyone, but for example, some people find that making their bed in the morning makes them more likely to be productive through the rest of the day. For others, it's exercise. Or flossing. Or packing a lunch.

After reading this book, I made it my New Year's resolution to both make my bed and floss every day. I was a good 95% successful with the resolution, and I still am several years later.

It hasn't changed my whole life, but I find that with a tidy bed, I'm more likely to pick up dirty laundry. And once my bedroom is neat, I want my kitchen neat too...

I'd recommend picking one thing that takes just a few minutes a day and committing to doing it for three weeks. See if just doing that doesn't help you break the cycle.

Keep losing my way, and going back to beta behaviors [R]

3 years, 8 months agoJackGetsIt posted submission on asktrp.
Oct. 30, 2015

Tough time this year, I found trp and applied things in my life mentally and physically. But sometimes I just lose my way and keep going back to beta behaviors, I understand the need to be disciplined. I eat well, and have a solid body, decent job. It is a mental thing at this point, how does one stop retreating back to beta behaviors.

3 years, 8 months agoJackGetsIt posted on asktrp.
Oct. 30, 2015

Systematically identify the triggers and rewards that are causing the slip back. This book is outstanding. Beta habits are inprinted from a young age, and reinforced through school, family, and pop culture for our entire lives. They're not going to go away easily.

Why do tooth whitening commercials never use the word "teeth"? [R]

3 years, 9 months agosizviolin posted submission on answers.
Oct. 23, 2015

They always say thing like "My smile isn't white enough" or "This product is guaranteed to whiten your smile". I understand that perhaps smile sounds more friendly than teeth, but it's like they go out of their way to avoid the word. Is there a legal / liability reason behind this?

3 years, 8 months agosizviolin posted on answers.
Oct. 23, 2015

If you're really interested in how effective marketing and forming habits in people works there's a great chapter in [The Power of Habit] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X) which actually discusses how toothpaste was successfully marketed the way it was. The chapter also discusses how Febreeze's marketing failed multiple times until they implemented scientific research on how strong habits worked neurologically (cue->ritual->reward create the craving feeling in your brain that grows until you do the action).

It's a fantastic book, highly recommend it!

[Question] Books about discipline, willpower and motivation, BUT, evidence based. [R]

3 years, 9 months agoOct. 9, 2015

Hi! I'm looking for books that are about discipline and willpower and such, but they need to be evidence based and contain sources to the papers they use. Examples are: Thinking fast and slow by Kahneman Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion by Cialdini

Thanks!

3 years, 9 months ago_immortal posted on getdisciplined.
Oct. 9, 2015

Seconding The Willpower Instinct and Willpower, but an even better book (imo) is The Power of Habit by Duhigg. Seriously amazing book.

New trick: Use Dopamine to help you NoFap instead of letting it dominate you. Science. [R]

3 years, 9 months agoSaltAndNoFapper posted submission on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2015

So I read that the way Habits form, including fapping, is you get a trigger, you take an action, you get a reward. In your brain that reward is dopamine.

This is the beginning. But before long, you get a trigger, dopamine is release BEFORE the action, in anticipation, you do the action. If you fail to do the action, cortisol is released which is a punishment of the chemical sort. That's why when you're addicted you barely even enjoy the act anymore.

So how about reversing this. On the recommendation of some posts here, I started playing with different habit forming/breaking apps. Like Strides, Way of Life etc..

Instead of marking NoFap as "done" at the end of the day, I'm going to start marking it "done" in the morning. So I will get hopefully a dopamine rush for "achieving" another day. Then when the motivation to Fap arrives, I will get "punished" with cortisol. In essence an incentive to stay strong.

I hope this makes sense!

Edited to add link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

I've read many books on habit formation so I'm not 100% sure it was that one, but most probably.

3 years, 9 months agoSaltAndNoFapper posted on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2015

New trick: Use Dopamine to help you NoFap instead of letting it dominate you. Science. [R]

3 years, 9 months agoSaltAndNoFapper posted submission on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2015

So I read that the way Habits form, including fapping, is you get a trigger, you take an action, you get a reward. In your brain that reward is dopamine.

This is the beginning. But before long, you get a trigger, dopamine is release BEFORE the action, in anticipation, you do the action. If you fail to do the action, cortisol is released which is a punishment of the chemical sort. That's why when you're addicted you barely even enjoy the act anymore.

So how about reversing this. On the recommendation of some posts here, I started playing with different habit forming/breaking apps. Like Strides, Way of Life etc..

Instead of marking NoFap as "done" at the end of the day, I'm going to start marking it "done" in the morning. So I will get hopefully a dopamine rush for "achieving" another day. Then when the motivation to Fap arrives, I will get "punished" with cortisol. In essence an incentive to stay strong.

I hope this makes sense!

Edited to add link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

I've read many books on habit formation so I'm not 100% sure it was that one, but most probably.

New trick: Use Dopamine to help you NoFap instead of letting it dominate you. Science. [R]

3 years, 9 months agoSaltAndNoFapper posted submission on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2015

So I read that the way Habits form, including fapping, is you get a trigger, you take an action, you get a reward. In your brain that reward is dopamine.

This is the beginning. But before long, you get a trigger, dopamine is release BEFORE the action, in anticipation, you do the action. If you fail to do the action, cortisol is released which is a punishment of the chemical sort. That's why when you're addicted you barely even enjoy the act anymore.

So how about reversing this. On the recommendation of some posts here, I started playing with different habit forming/breaking apps. Like Strides, Way of Life etc..

Instead of marking NoFap as "done" at the end of the day, I'm going to start marking it "done" in the morning. So I will get hopefully a dopamine rush for "achieving" another day. Then when the motivation to Fap arrives, I will get "punished" with cortisol. In essence an incentive to stay strong.

I hope this makes sense!

Edited to add link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

I've read many books on habit formation so I'm not 100% sure it was that one, but most probably.

3 years, 9 months agoSaltAndNoFapper posted on NoFap.
Oct. 8, 2015

Where can I start to improve my life? [R]

3 years, 9 months agoOct. 7, 2015

[deleted]

3 years, 9 months agoForkhammer posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
Oct. 7, 2015

You can start by taking a deep breath, and remembering that you -- and only you -- are in charge of your decisions.

Everything that you're feeling right now, everything you don't like about your life is the result of decisions you've made in the past.

That might seem depressing at first, but look at where you are now as an endpoint -- your decisions and time brought you here.

What that means is that for any reasonable future you can imagine, your decisions and time can get you there.

Of course, there's the random roll of the dice -- life is a complex system of random consequences, and it's fundamentally a competitive multiplayer game -- but on the whole, if you point the steering wheel in the right direction and start pressing on the gas pedal, you'll move in the right direction.

The biggest thing that is making you feel down is a stifling lack of momentum. 'Dead end job', 'trapped', 'drained' -- these are all code for lacking motion.

Right now, you can turn the steering wheel in any direction, and all it does is rotate the tires. You'll still be sitting in the same spot, and if you keep trying to turn the wheel, you're going to get frustrated because it's not going to do anything.

Trying to improve yourself is a good start. The first thing you can do is to make a plan, and the first step to doing that is to figure out what you actually want your life to be.

Don't spend too much time on that. There are studies that show that concocting and living out positive fantasies actually diminish results.. It doesn't have to be too specific, but it should be specific enough that you know the rough direction you're heading. Think 'Oregon', instead of 'Portland' or 'West Coast'.

Then you need to plan that trip.

Here's how I do it, which is not the only way to skin a cat: I set three very-high-level goals, and then continually increase in specificity and set three goals per term.

So, for example, I have a very loose five-year plan, a relatively solid one-year plan, and then I continue to break the year up into quarterly, monthy, weekly, and daily goals, each of which gets more definite, and expands on how I'm going to make this tiny chunk of my goals one level up happen.

I never set more than three, and I aim to get at least 2/3rds of them done in each period. They should be a bit hard, so that you have to work to achieve them, but not so hard that you'll dash yourself against the rocks.

When I'm not sure how to get started, it usually means that I've not broken things up far enough, so I break it down until I can see exactly what to do in no more than 5 minutes, and then I do that.

It's pretty hard to avoid developing momentum when it's going to take you no more than 5 minutes.

And there are things you can do to help yourself develop momentum and keep it.

One of my favourites is simply habit, but specifically keystone habits, which are described by Charles Duhigg in his Power of Habit book. The long and the short of them: there are some things you do that have a transformative effect on your life, either positive or negative.

For me, for example, I know that not getting enough sleep is a huge negative influence on me and can destroy my day if not my week.

Getting sleep actually helps me a lot with motivation, and then every day I start by making my bed and loading the dishwasher and doing up last night's dishes, because a messy kitchen completely throws me off. I get the added bonus of feeling like I've already accomplished something for the day, and that momentum is catching.

I also make sure that I don't work on weekends, even if I'm insanely, massively behind, because that makes me burn out, and then I fall even further behind.

Getting to the gym for me and eating right is a HUGE win, too. It helps me fight the depression, it makes me feel bigger, stronger, more in control of myself, and I sleep better (which reinforces the loop).

You're going to have up and down days, and the trick is making sure that you're not giving up, even if you give in some days. Upward and onwards.

(And if you feel like you can't hold on to a simple win, go talk to your health care provider, because depression is a real medical condition just like a long-term illness, and if you don't treat it properly and seriously you are shooting yourself in the foot.)

Now to talk about a couple of your individual points:

> I'm stuck at a dead end job that doesn't stimulate me at all.

So make a plan to quit it, and then quit it. Your job is there to support your lifestyle. If you can get by working at a convenience store part-time and that gets you closer to doing what you want to do, then DO IT.

Fuck all those people that say you are your job. You're not. At the end of your life, you are the only one that gets to say what you did was worthwhile.

Just remember that businesses are looking for people to solve a specific problem for them, and you can get hired for any problem that you can learn to solve cheaper, better, or faster than the business owner can do him- or herself.

Independent consulting and entepreneurship are the bomb, by the way.

> I also feel extremely lonely despite being somewhat introverted since my job discourages almost all social interaction.

Sounds like you'd do well with a social job, then!

> Honestly, I would probably feel relieved if I went to work and they closed down or I got laid off.

Most people, in this life, do not comprehend the degree of agency they have over their own actions. Why are you waiting for them to close? You have no speed limit. The only thing you are constrained by is your own perception that you are dependent on the job.

If you wake up two days in a row and you say 'man, there's gotta be something better than this,' then make a plan and DO IT!

> Another area I would like to improve at is my social life, mainly around the romantic area.

You're this dissatisfied with yourself right now and you want to bring in someone else?!

Right now, your life has one focus: you. If you find a partner, you'll have three to consider: your life, your partner's, and your relationship.

I get being lonely, but work on being okay with being you, and that part will take care of itself, really. People having fun are fun to be around.

> I'm not big into the barhopping/nightclub scene so that's a no-go for me

The gross majority of this world is not into that scene. Find your fun and there will be other people there.

> I would like to try some other activities but I feel so emotionally and mentally drained from work and due to my work schedule, I don't see how it's possible to meet anyone.

It sounds like you have a great place to start, then!

Remember, you've already proved that you're capable of driving your life. Now you just have to pick a better destination! Good luck and godspeed!

Daily FI discussion thread - October 04, 2015 [R]

3 years, 9 months ago[deleted] posted submission on financialindependence.
Oct. 4, 2015

Please use this thread to have discussions which you don't feel warrant a new post to the sub. While the Rules for posting questions on the basics of personal finance/investing topics are relaxed a little bit here, the rules against memes/spam/self-promotion/excessive rudeness/politics still apply!

Since this post does tend to get busy, consider sorting the comments by "new" (instead of "best" or "top") to see the newest posts.

3 years, 9 months ago[deleted] posted on financialindependence.
Oct. 4, 2015

Yeah... once you have a good feel for what's pretty easily doable in terms of finances (or fitness), it's hard not to notice when people are just failing hard at it.

It's kind of sad that people get into routines and mindsets that lead them to such lackluster results. Reading The Power of Habit helped me identify some problem points and make pretty simple changes to better my health (my financial habits were already locked down). It's hard to make the initial observations to identify and eventually replace bad habits that would facilitate being in good shape or being financially stable. And there's no reason to really think about trying if you assume it's out of reach anyway.

Getting Immersed in the Power of Habit – 6 Powerful Steps to Habitual Mastery [R]

3 years, 9 months agoSept. 30, 2015

[deleted]

3 years, 9 months agoGrazfather posted on malelifestyle.
Sept. 30, 2015

Thanks for reminding me to buy 'The Power of Habit'. It's only $9 today

Recompiled Resource/Reading List [R]

3 years, 9 months agosilkcet posted submission on navyseals.
Sept. 26, 2015

Hey guys, I usually don't post but I figured I might be able to contribute something worthwhile. I was going to officially PST (so not a white shirt) before i messed up my shoulder. Now I've just got time while recovering and want to be productive and i figured i should compile the resources/books i have found and read. I noticed there wasn’t an exhaustive reading list, especially a lack of compiled fitness resources, ex. people asking some standard questions and getting a variety of answers. So that's what I've tried to do. I sincerely hope others add to this and if there are any books not on the list and you think they should be, let me know i'll add them as long as they’re not retarded.

italicized are, unless another username is listed, used with permission from EVera34’s earlier Recommended Reading list I have read most of them and agree with his recommendations, the ones I haven’t i’ll definitely try to check out soon. bold = Stuck out to me as really well written/useful. I'll do a barebones summary of each one and I apologize for the formatting, grammar, and if something's are inaccurate this is from memory and briefly looking over them again, I just wanted people to be aware of the huge amount of resources available. Support them authors if you can. Sorry if it seems like there's a lot, i wanted to be thorough and may have gotten a bit carried away.

Here's the Official SEAL/SWCC Reading list.

I've organized this into 1. Philosophy/General History. 2. Fitness Resources. 3. War Memoirs 4. Film and Reading list that I received from a PST packet. 5. Documentary/Film List.

1: Philosophy/general/fiction:

Anything by Plato, Socrates, or Aristotle - Seriously. These guys are some of the fathers of western philosophy and thinking. I recommend The Republic as an intro to Plato. The Stockdale works in the Official List would be a great start to modern Stoicism.

Meditations- Marcus Aurelius- Whether you want to be a stoic or an epicurean, you want to be a warrior or a chef, this book is filled with a shit ton of solid content. It is not a novel or a story, but rather the thoughts of the stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius in note form. great read, free on kindle here.

Myth of Sisyphus - Albert Camus - This book touches on absurdism. Like the above 2 books, it asserts that in this random universe we are free to live and struggle as we please, and we should take pleasure in it's bleak randomness rather than despair at it. Sisyphus was a Corinthian King who was punished by the Gods, condemned to roll a boulder up a mountain only to have it fall down when it reaches the top, and he would repeat the process for eternity. as Camus says, "One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl - This book addresses our meaning for life. Like most of the big existentialists, Frankl relates to us that we should find our own meaning to give life, rather than ask 'what does it all mean?'. This book goes through Frankl in his time in a German concentration camp. He did lot let his circumstances take away his freedom to self actualize through all the adversity he faced. Moreover, he concluded that suffering can propel a man to further heights, if he allows himself to thrive in it. Excellent book for all you guys heading to BUDS.

The Watchmen - Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons - What? A Graphic novel? This book is so fucking good I nerded out for 3 straight weeks after reading the shit out of it. You could write a book of it's own on each character and their view of what is 'good and evil'. Seriously. i particularly liked the Tales of the Black Freighter story inside watchmen.

On Killing - Lt. Col. Dave Grossman - An interesting book which takes a serious look at the process of killing a man and what it effects it has on belligerents.

Catch-22 - Joseph Heller - If you want to be an operator, you want to be in the military. This book will give you just a taste of the ridiculous almost comical bullshit you'll have to deal with as a military man. My brother told me "I'm not letting you sign any contract until you read that book first" I did and do not regret it. Hilarious and eye opening

The History - Herodotus. Considered the one of the first western history books. Herodotus is widely known as the first to collect and critically examine information and present it in a chronological framework. Attempts to capture and exhibit the truth as he sees it, with admitted biases, of the cultures and wars of his time.

The Naked and the Dead - Norman Mailer. author served with with Army Cavalry in the Philippines during World War 2 and this novel was partially based on his experiences. considered a classic.

Born to Run - Christopher McDougall. It's been pretty inspiring for me. Every time I read a chapter I want to go run. Not necessarily useful for learning about running or anything, but it's got some great stories about some of the best ultra marathon runners in history, and the Tarahumara, a tribal people native to Mexico who run ultra distances pretty much on a daily basis. Places an emphasis on how attitude and enjoying what you do will make you the best. - /u/g1024.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra - Nietzsche - This book is where Nietzsche introduces the idea of the Ubermensch. This is basically the man which has transcended into greatness through struggle. It is no surprise Frankl quotes Nietzsche in his book. All of us should aspire to greatness in every possible facet of our lives.

Gates of Fire - Steven Pressfield - The Greeks were badass. They mastered war in their time. This is the story of the 300 (not really 300) Spartans (Not really only Spartans) fighting off the millions (Probably not really millions) of Persians, as written by Steven Pressfield, probably taken off accounts of Thucydides. Offers different perspectives of war and it's necessity.

The Warrior Ethos - Steven Pressfield. Author examines what makes a warrior fight. What code or ethos do warriors follow? How has it evolved over time. Examples taken from Alexander, Caesar's Rome, Thucydides, Patton, Rommel and more.

Antifragile: - Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Pavel T. recommended book. Explains and explore the concept of being anti fragile becoming stronger when challenged with adversity. currently reading, so far worth it.

The Art of War- Sun Tzu - This book has changed the way warfare was fought. There are some things about war that just haven't changed and it's a good read if you want to be a commando, *ESPECIALLY IF YOU WANT TO BE AN OFFICER.

Anabasis - Xenophon - I repeat, the Greeks were badass. This is the story of Xenophon leading his army of Ten thousand (an army aptly named, 'The Ten Thousand') through Persia and fighting off hordes of armies that didn't want them there. They stumbled their way through Persia and back home to Greece all while fighting off armies that outnumbered them greatly. This is the story that essentially inspired Alexander the great to conquer the known world.

War - Sebastian Junger. Journalist, who spends a year (June 2007-2008), with an Army Airborne unit deployed in the Korengal Valley, Afghanistan.

Starship troopers - Robert Heinlein. You’ve probably seen the awesome satirical movie it was based on. This book is pretty great, space marines fighting bugs. Very much a post Korean war commentary (imho) Themes include, responsibility of an individual for their society or unit, duty, sacrifice, honor from the perspective of a soldier, “Come on you apes! wanna live forever?”.

Wasp - Eric Frank Russell. considered by some to be his greatest novel. just finished is also good, old school sci fi (punch card computers), follows an intergalactic war with an human agent sent undercover on an alien enemy world to straight wreck shit and wage a one man psy ops campaign. Shows just how effective psychological and guerrilla warfare can be on a society, one man with the right tools at the right time can do anything.

Armor - John Steakley. Personally I enjoyed this book tremendously. Similar to Starship troopers, space marines fighting ants however focuses less on politics and society in general, more on how an individual deals with psychological aspects of continual close combat and the PTSD issues that could develop.

The Forever War - Joe Haldeman. more sci fi. Author was a Vietnam veteran and filters his experiences through hard sci fi. Space marines fighting aliens again. This time uniquely illustrates the challenges veterans face when returning to their own society to find they don't fit in, very much reflective of the treatment of veterans post nam. the reader can draw parallels to current wars with “military is at war, america is at the mall”.

On War - Carl Von Clausewitz. but which translation (i have no idea) Western Sun Tzu. Clausewitz was around during the Napoleonic era and On War can be seen as responsible for how we understand war today. “War is a continuation of policy by other means” was him. Also credited with the “fog or friction of war”. this really is not a fun book, occasionally i’ll pick it up and start slogging through it but you could be content with reading a wiki summary.

The Rise of Superman - Steven Kotler: decoding the science of ultimate human performance. author attempts to explain the exponential breakthroughs of extreme sports (big wave surfing, mountain climbing, xgames) versus mainstream ones (basketball, soccer) and the concept of flow states, the optimal state of performance concentration. The athlete interviews were the most engaging to me, how a skateboarder was able to make world record despite breaking ankle mid run, the first big wave surfers and how they literally invented their sport when everyone said it was impossible, Dean Potter who after parachute malfunction grabbed a rope mid fall, saving his life cauterizing his hands, etc. great stories, every athlete has their own explanation and system of getting into their flow states. understand what that means and find yours.

Ultramarathon Man - Dean Karnazes. Biography or trials/triumphs of Dean Karnaze as he went from no exercises to ultra marathons. doesn’t take himself too seriously, plenty of stories of him puking over the inside of his car after his first 50 miler and going blind from low blood sugar mid Western States (100 miler) Ultramarathon, this book got me interested in marathons and long distance running.

Seven Pillars of Wisdom - T.E.Lawrence. Autobiographical experience of “Lawrence of Arabia” during the Arab revolt against the Ottomans circa 1920s. His account of being essentially a guerrilla leader/liaison/advisor, musing on arabic culture and mentality through the eyes of a westerner. “All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

The Way of Men - Jack Donovan - not SO related but attempts to illustrate how men behave, how to be a good purposeful man, why you might feel unsatisfied with modern western society jobs careers. also cool skull dudes cover.

The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas. Set in Napoleonic France, historical fiction follows the unjust imprisonment of a man and the unfolding of his revenge. Shows what a driven or determined person is capable of. Also duels and intrigue, plots in plots.

Invisible Armies - Max Boot - fantastic book. long but very interesting take on guerrilla war from the beginning of civilization to present, Romans and Jews, Persians and Scythian,american revolution, Garibaldi, modern wars, birth of Spec Ops in World War 2,etc . Asserts that guerrilla war/skirmishes was the original form of warfare. Even compiles a database of all insurgencies since 1775 breaks down modern guerrilla war and counter insurgencies to show how they would succeed/fail.

3 years, 9 months agosilkcet posted on navyseals.
Sept. 29, 2015

Jesus this is a ridiculously impressive list. Thanks so much for putting this together, got a few new books to read now!

A few suggestions of my own:

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg - Really great book on the science of habits and how to change them. I can't recommend this book enough.. such good info that will help with training and life in general.

The Decisive Moment by Jonah Leher - Easy, relatively short read on the science of how and why we make certain decisions. He examines football players, poker players, military members, and others in an attempt to show how the brain "makes up its mind" and how to improve upon this process.

How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker - Somewhat of a dense read if you don't know much of anything about neuroscience like myself. Still, lots of good info that really helped me to better understand how and why the mind evolved into what it is today. I suggest skipping the ridiculously long chapter on how the eyes evolved.

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman - A better version of Pinker's book, but I definitely suggest both. This is one of the best books I have ever read. Just read it, trust me.

Moonwalking with Einstein by Joshua Foer - subtitle: the art and science of remembering everything. Easy read that examines the memory and some of the "memory celebrities" around the world in an effort to show how (somewhat) easy it is to do some of these feats we think only autistic people are capable of doing.

Mastery by Robert Greene - Got this book as a gift and started it after being pestered for months with the expectation that I would hate it and ended up loving it. He follows the lives of some of the greatest men in history and gives insight into the traits that made them unique and successful. Shows you how to be a master pretty much.

Going to Pieces without Falling Apart by Mark Epstein - One of the best books for beginners to meditation. I recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about meditation and improve your practice.

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman - this book covers a lot of great info, but basically it shows you how to better control your emotions.

Those are a few I didn't see on your list and figured I would share with you guys. I focused more on my "self-help" books since you have military and SEAL focused books covered. Thanks again for making this list!

[Discussion] Learning to love hard work [R]

3 years, 10 months agoOPisadumbassss posted submission on getdisciplined.
Sept. 22, 2015

I realized recently that one of the key barriers to discipline is the instinctual dislike for work (and conversely, the love of relaxation). And I understand that discipline is partially the process of rationally forcing yourself to do things you don't naturally WANT to do, and staying mindful that those things will help you accomplish the things you do actually, emotionally, want.

What I'd like to try to do, and what I'm asking you about today, is the possibility of persuading yourself to love work, to love the act of labor and toil itself, and not just mentally associating that work to the ends you hope to achieve (though doing this is also very helpful). I think this is possible, but I'd like to find or create actual techniques for making this happen. I wonder if there are possibilities for classically conditioning yourself, perhaps providing rewards to yourself for working, both during and after completion of a block of work.

A concrete example, in case I'm not being clear: I'm currently studying for a computer science degree, have earned 24 credits towards that, and I'm doing fine, but I want to improve my efficiency. The beginning of the semester is easy, the freshness provides enough immediate stimulation to facilitate hard studying, but soon the novelty wears off and it becomes a joyless grind. I can push through the grind but it's not without a great amount of resistance from my mind (wishing to do other things, to be in other classes, to be 10 years into my own future, etc) and needless energy waste. If I could teach myself to love the grind, to see it as fun or valuable in and of itself, I think this problem would be diminished. So how did you learn to love work, or what things do you do to keep your goals and the labor it takes to get there firmly intertwined in your mind?

3 years, 10 months agoOPisadumbassss posted on getdisciplined.
Sept. 22, 2015

I like this thread. I think it has a lot to do with conditioning and habit creation. Check out this book, The Power of Habit which taught me a LOT about how you can control your own behaviours through reinforcement.

I think that if we are going to discover a way to make work fun, then it will be through a method of conditioning that takes advantage of the brain's systems for anticipating stimuli and resolving that self-created need.

ELI5: What's happening to me physically and mentally when I'm running out of patience? [R]

3 years, 10 months agosuper_dork posted submission on explainlikeimfive.
Sept. 19, 2015

[removed]

3 years, 10 months agosuper_dork posted on explainlikeimfive.
Sept. 19, 2015

I recently read a book called The Power of Habit and it talked about this specifically.

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cmswrawdpKA.vbT4FT01N

What's something obviously designed without the input of any women? [R]

3 years, 10 months agoialsohaveadobro posted submission on AskWomen.
Sept. 17, 2015

My shower: there's nowhere to prop up my foot while I'm shaving my legs.

3 years, 10 months agoialsohaveadobro posted on AskWomen.
Sept. 17, 2015

Not at all defending the gender aspects, but the reason ads show people deliriously happy after cleaning is to try to establish the expectation of a reward from using the product. If you're interested in the specifics, The Power of Habit explains in one of the first few chapters.

During your decluttering, what's the biggest waste of money you have come across? [R]

3 years, 10 months agodmanww posted submission on declutter.
Aug. 30, 2015

For me it's got to be my Icelandic sweater. It was a bg investment for me - it cost $450 - and I thought it would keep me snugly warm all winter long for many winters to come. What actually happened: it cost so much money I am scared to wear it in case my dog pulls the yarn with his claws and damages it, its really scratchy and uncomfy to wear anyway, and it leaves long yarn strands over everything I touch and get in my eyes. I have realized that I like visiting Iceland, not wearing Iceland. That was an expensive lesson. What's been yours?

3 years, 10 months agodmanww posted on declutter.
Aug. 31, 2015

Of course. I wouldn't leave you hanging like that.

  • The Power of Habit is the book where the basic idea comes from. That is, use habits and systems to your advantage so you don't have to rely on your will power, which if finite

  • Getting Things Done is a book that sets out a very good system for managing tasks, projects and goals. The main idea is to get all the things out of your head and into a system that you trust. The trust is important because then you can be ok with not thinking of your to-do list all the time, allowing you to concentrate on more productive things.

  • ToDoist is a good app to manage tasks and all the GTD stuff you need to set up. It's cross platform and works on iphone, andorid, web, desktop, etc. This makes it really easy to make it ubiquitous. The free version is perfectly fine to start off with until you're comfortable with it. There are blog articlesabout how to set it up for GTD.

  • On the money side, I ended automatic a lot of my savings and payments. That way my savings collect and bills are paid without me having to constantly keep it at top of mind. I used this blog as a guide. It's gotten a bit more slick and salesy in the last couple years, but the info is still good and most of the stuff on this topic from him is free.

  • Last thing. The One Thing is a good book about focus.

Let me know if you've got questions.

"He died doing what he loved" would be a horrible thing to say at a drug addicts funeral. [R]

3 years, 11 months agoAug. 18, 2015
3 years, 11 months agoegxi posted on Showerthoughts.
Aug. 18, 2015

The most straightforward life advice you will ever get, give yourself a chance of change. http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

&

/r/electronic_cigarette

Never ever stop trying quitting, especially if you get anxiety attacks.

What are your most difficult habits to build? What makes them so difficult? [R]

3 years, 11 months agoTheLearndAstronomer posted submission on ZenHabits.
Aug. 10, 2015

Personally, I struggle to eat healthy consistently. I can make it a few weeks, sometimes even a month or two, but then I slip into bad eating habits and binge on unhealthy food and have to start all over again.

3 years, 11 months agoTheLearndAstronomer posted on ZenHabits.
Aug. 10, 2015

Habits that don't have a craving to be fulfilled. The Power of Habit has a lot of useful information on habits.

[NeedAdvice] How do I force my self to be disciplined while depressed? [R]

3 years, 11 months agoJuly 30, 2015

[deleted]

3 years, 11 months agoepistle_to_dippy posted on getdisciplined.
July 30, 2015

I highly recommend reading the book The Power of Habit.

Chapter 9, The Neurology of Free Will, has a great anectdote about William James, brother of famed author Henry James. William was the black sheep in a family of successes, he suffered depression and at a point came to the realization that his life must change. In the book it states, >"I think that yesterday was a crisis in my life," he wrote in his diary. Regarding the ability to change, "I will assume for the present--until next year-- that it is no illusion. My first act of free will shall be to believe in free will."

Start with small positive habits. Wake up early and at the same time every day, and then go for a walk outside or do some sort of physical exercise. Just start there. Do not expect any more of yourself. If you find that throughout the day you start to fall into a negative thinking/feeling mood, look at it as a bad habit, tell yourself to stop, and then go do some sort of activity, preferably a change of environment.

Give yourself one month of the new morning routine, and go read The Power of Habit! and if you need someone to hold you accountable, PM me. I'd be glad to help.

Getting a ~50k pay raise at a new job. How do I avoid lifestyle inflation? [R]

3 years, 11 months agoJuly 27, 2015

[deleted]

3 years, 11 months agodookie1481 posted on personalfinance.
July 28, 2015

This is a fantastic book that details the habit loop and why it is so important: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

Basically, you can't outrun the human BIOS and you need to co-opt your habit loop and make it work for you. Change the "reward".

It is difficult, for sure, but it seems to be a more viable long-term solution.

[Method] I'm doing a 30 day challenge to wake up early enlisting the help of behavior experts. Does anyone want to join me? [R]

4 years agostrazin posted submission on getdisciplined.
July 14, 2015

I've been trying to tackle this problem with sheer willpower for my whole life, and I've decided to try to work smarter for a change, instead of working harder. This thread will be my way of documenting my journey.

So I'm enlisting the help of experts, ranging from behavioral scientists, to entrepreneurs who have built behavior-change products, to behavior coaches. I have already interviewed Dr. Marc Rosen and Jonah Berger about how to apply their research to the problem of waking up early. I'm planning to continue interviewing more experts during these 30 days and apply their insights to my efforts. I'll share everything I learn and try, so that you all can do it with me.

I also signed up for a behavior coach named Adam Reed (referral link) who specializes in helping people wake up early.

Who wants to join me? I posted this to the GetOutOfBed subreddit, and I'm posting it here too, because I'd really appreciate everyone's support in joining me.

3 years, 12 months agostrazin posted on getdisciplined.
July 22, 2015

Day 7: Cue Routine Rewward

I've been reading Power of Habit which has been mind-blowingly insightful.

One of the key ideas is that all habits can be broken down into 3 parts: cue, routine, and reward.

So, for example, why is it a habit to open a tab to go to reddit? The cue might be a feeling of boredom -- that's the trigger. The routine is to go to reddit. The reward is a feeling of brief distraction. What neuroscientists have found is that there's a point where the cue-routine-reward cycle is repeated so frequently that the cue itself triggers the feeling of the reward... your brain starts to EXPECT the reward as soon as you get the cue. At this point, if you DON'T get the reward, your brain begins to crave it, and you will feel frustration/depression if the craving is not met.

The solution is to not get rid of the habit, but rather to change it. You keep the same cue and reward but change the ROUTINE that's in the middle. So, the cue might be the same -- a feeling of boredom. The reward should also be the same -- a feeling of brief distraction. But you can change the middle behavior. Instead of going to reddit, go for a quick walk.

How is this related to waking up early? The habit that we are working with here is the SNOOZE. And what's interesting about this is that it's not just snoozing your alarm clock. In fact, I snooze all the time, all day, especially in moments when I am supposed to transition from one activity to the next. "ONE MORE MINUTE", I tell myself. That minute turns into another minute and another and another, and then I've delayed my next activity. This continues to the end of the day, and I can't get myself to go to sleep because I feel like my day was not productive enough.

Action 1: Understand your cue-routine-reward. Why do you stay up late? What's behind this habit? What's the cue?

Action 2: Self-awareness: Carry around an index card with you and put a check-mark next to every time you "snooze" during the day (or whatever your bad habit is that keeps you up late)

Doing a 30 day challenge to wake up early while enlisting the help of behavior experts. Who wants to join me? [R]

4 years agostrazin posted submission on GetOutOfBed.
July 14, 2015

I've been trying to tackle this problem with sheer willpower for my whole life, and I've decided to try to work smarter for a change, instead of working harder.

So I'm enlisting the help of experts, ranging from behavioral scientists, to entrepreneurs who have built behavior-change products, to behavior coaches. I have already interviewed Dr. Marc Rosen and Jonah Berger about how to apply their research to the problem of waking up early, and posted their interviews to this subreddit. I'm planning to continue interviewing more researchers during these 30 days and apply their insights to my efforts.

This thread will be my way of documenting my journey.

EDIT

About 20 days in, I've successfully pushed my sleep schedule to consistently waking up by 7:15am. I'm writing here what the main insights have been from behavior science and how I would recommend others to practice.

So the 3 main pillars are Dr. BJ Fogg, Charles Duhiggs, and Dr. Katherine Milkman. I won't into all the theory here, but at a high level we will be using BJ Fogg's "Tiny Habits" technique and combining that with Milkman's pre-commitment strategies to make sure we follow through at each step.

Day's 1-5: Getting out of bed when your alarm goes off

Day 1: Open your eyes and smile for 30 seconds, then go back to sleep. Use the Rise and Shine app as a pre-commitment device (i.e. it won't turn off until you smile at your phone)

Day 2: Smile for 30 seconds + Have a friend call you at your wake up time. Talk for a minute and then go back to sleep. Either have your friend do it, or use wakie.

Day 3: Smile for 30 seconds + You call a friend at your desired wake up time. Then go back to sleep. Again you can call someone via wakie

Day 4: Smile + call a friend + put feet on floor (use this StepOut) ==> then go back to sleep.

Day 5: Smile + put feet on floor + Google hangout with your friend. You can use the WakeUpCall subreddit to find others to join you. Now talk with them for 5 minutes -- discuss your day's priorities and then go back to sleep.

Going forward, keep repeating the above but now each day go from 5 minutes to 15 minutes to 30 minutes, and do a WORK SESSION right there in the google hangout. Use this time to work on your passion project whatever that may be (whether it's learning a new language or playing the guitar, or reading that book).

Day's 6-10: Building an evening routine for making sure you go to sleep on time

Coming soon! I've been perfecting this....not quite there to the point where I can write a detailed system yet.

3 years, 12 months agostrazin posted on GetOutOfBed.
July 22, 2015

Day 7: Cue Routine Reward

I've been reading Power of Habit which has been mind-blowingly insightful.

One of the key ideas is that all habits can be broken down into 3 parts: cue, routine, and reward.

So, for example, why is it a habit to open a tab to go to reddit? The cue might be a feeling of boredom -- that's the trigger. The routine is to go to reddit. The reward is a feeling of brief distraction. What neuroscientists have found is that there's a point where the cue-routine-reward cycle is repeated so frequently that the cue itself triggers the feeling of the reward... your brain starts to EXPECT the reward as soon as you get the cue. At this point, if you DON'T get the reward, your brain begins to crave it, and you will feel frustration/depression if the craving is not met.

The solution is to not get rid of the habit, but rather to change it. You keep the same cue and reward but change the ROUTINE that's in the middle. So, the cue might be the same -- a feeling of boredom. The reward should also be the same -- a feeling of brief distraction. But you can change the middle behavior. Instead of going to reddit, go for a quick walk.

How is this related to waking up early? The habit that we are working with here is the SNOOZE. And what's interesting about this is that it's not just snoozing your alarm clock. In fact, I snooze all the time, all day, especially in moments when I am supposed to transition from one activity to the next. "ONE MORE MINUTE", I tell myself. That minute turns into another minute and another and another, and then I've delayed my next activity. This continues to the end of the day, and I can't get myself to go to sleep because I feel like my day was not productive enough.

Action 1: Understand your cue-routine-reward. Why do you stay up late? What's behind this habit? What's the cue?

Action 2: Self-awareness: Carry around an index card with you and put a check-mark next to every time you "snooze" during the day (or whatever your bad habit is that keeps you up late)

[NeedAdvice] How to make Facebook stop affecting my mood? [R]

3 years, 12 months agostringsandwinds posted submission on getdisciplined.
July 21, 2015

"Hi my name is wrti and I'm addicted to Facebook"

"Hello wrti!"

My day starts with a cup of coffee and Facebook. I look through all the likes my friends do to that stupid post "you won't believe what just happened to X!", Re-shares to that awesome life coaching quotes "We love the things we love because love is everything", asking for likes to save that child from cancer and etc.

I get pissed immediately and close facebook, but then throughout the day, once I get few spare minutes I log in again just to see the same content and same likes and same reshares. Its driving me crazy.

Its not that hard to quit, I can just change my password, logout from all computers and phones and forget about it, however I'm afraid to miss something important.

I don't usually talk with people via facebook, I use other IMs and (surprise surprise) I actually call my friends or meet with them in real life, but there is always that friend with whom you are not in a close relationship, but we still might chat and facebook is the only medium we both use. Some people I meet in real life are actually asking for my facebook instead of asking for phone number (including girls). There is always that event I might want to attend, some of the groups are actually useful. So yea, facebook does have its pros.

So how do I turn facebook from a tool that makes weep for humanity and drives me nuts to something useful? Should I just quit it and replace it with another, more useful, tools?

3 years, 12 months agostringsandwinds posted on getdisciplined.
July 21, 2015

I'm no expert on the subject and I might just be seeing what I want to see, but I just finished reading a book on habits that described actions like this. So, it might not be a facebook addiction, but a habit. The habit circle goes like this: Cue -> Routine -> Reward. So maybe your cue for going on facebook is boredom. Then you perform the routine by checking facebook. The reward is that you managed to kill some time.

You can change your habit by using the same cue and getting the same reward by using a different routine. So lets say you get bored again (or whatever reason you go on facebook, I'm just using an example). Instead of going on facebook, make the conscious effort to do something else that will kill time. Hop on /r/getdisciplined or, better yet, read a book on a subject that interests you. Maybe you can go for a short 5 minute walk. Something good for you.

What I got out of the book is that you can't change habits, but you can change the routine that you do when cued. If you're interested, the book is called The Power of Habit.

As for your friend that you chat with just through facebook, maybe you can get their email and communicate that way. If they have facebook, they have email. Or perhaps you can discipline yourself to only chat with them when you're on facebook and time yourself.

I hope that you make peace with your facebook problem. Let me know if anything I said is helpful or unhelpful.

I keep over eating and hating myself. Please help. [R]

4 years agodyewithkoolade posted submission on loseit.
July 1, 2015

I have lost impulse control lately and can't seem to say no to food. I'll sit down realize over gained even more weight than eat something bad again. I don't know what to do anymore.

4 years agodyewithkoolade posted on loseit.
July 1, 2015

Oh, gosh. It's so easy to do, isn't it? I totally understand where you're coming from. I've been there more than once.

It sounds like it could also be an ironic process problem. Are you telling yourself all the things you can not have ... so then you just can't forget about it?

Thinking in positive ways can help. "I can't wait for that cucumber salad!" "I love the way I feel when I eat this way." "Food gives me energy and nutrients. It's a friend, not the enemy."

I also tend to go nuts when I've been restricted for a long time. Will power requires exercise, just like all other muscles. In theory, people plan out cheat days ahead of time. I've never been good at that. However, it does help me to plan ahead.

Recently, I decided I'm going to try to eat cleaner, so I just cooked up various types of curried lentils, rice and vegetables. Having nutrient-dense foods on hand (I hope) will stop me from snacking after a workout.

Correcting keystone habits helps. There's more on that in The Power of Habits. For example, someone on r/loseit credits much of their weightloss to changing their breakfast.

Most importantly, remember that every day makes a difference. You screwed up today? That's fine. You can get back on track tomorrow. You can get back on track right now. It can be OK.

Went from ripped to getting chubby in just a couple months. [R]

4 years ago_FlyGuy posted submission on Fitness.
July 1, 2015

Two years ago I was a skinny fat guy. Chubby dad body I think best describes it at 170 lbs. After a nasty break up I found a desire to get jacked. I worked my butt off for two years and got into pretty fantastic shape with 9% body fat 190 lbs being my peak.

I recently moved to a new city and suddenly stopped working out. Went from spending two hours a day at the gym five days a week to going maybe once a week for a quick pump.

Today. I woke up and it finally hit me. I've lost almost all that hard work looking at my returning flab. I still have a muscular physique but it was painful to finally realize how fast my body lost so much progress. I felt so depressed when I did my usual workout from a few months ago and couldn't even finish it at 50% the weight I'd normally push.

Has anyone else let this happen to them? Did you rebound and get back to peak shape? If so. Is it as hard to get back there as it was when you first peaked?

4 years ago_FlyGuy posted on Fitness.
July 1, 2015

If you've done it before, you can do it again. I wouldn't be worried about that. My best advice would be to figure out a way to keep it going strong for the next time you have a change in your life. Find some way to maintain a consistent habit.

Here's what worked for me - create a "CRR" habit loop. Cue, response, reward. Charles Duhigg talks about this in The Power of Habit. Don't feel it necessary to read the whole book, the important parts are summarized here. Basically, you need to create a habit of working out instead of counting on your own willpower regularly.

This is how I used the cue, response, reward method. I LOVE Muscle Milk. I know it's not the best protein shake in the world (high sugar, not that much protein) and its expensive. But I am crazy about the taste, and if it helps me establish a habit of working out regularly, then its well worth any drawbacks. I never drink it at any time other than right after my workout. I established that taste as my "reward."

Now I needed to find a reliable "cue." For me, it was a particular alarm that would go off on my phone a few minutes before my scheduled workout. I never used this tone for anything else. I downloaded it especially for this occasion, since using a default one would mean I might hear it randomly from other phones once in a while. (My girlfriend used to mess with my head by playing this alarm randomly throughout the day. I've since added a passcode.)

Pretty soon, I started associating the feeling of my tired muscles with the sweet, sweet chocolatey satisfaction of Muscle Milk, which I only desired after hearing my special alarm sound. Now my body craves that feeling of muscle exhaustion, when it's really craving the taste of chocolate. Its much, much easier to motivate myself to go to the gym now. I wouldn't even call it "motivating myself" anymore, because its very much automatic.

To wrap up, find your favorite protein drink in the world (reward), only drink it after you've earned it by working out (response), and find yourself a super special alarm sound (cue) to play right before your scheduled workouts. Next time you move to a new place or start a new relationship, your CRR brain will come with you, and you'll find a way to keep that workout plan going.

Abstaining from overindulgence and dealing with an addictive personality [R]

4 years agoherspacejuly posted submission on DecidingToBeBetter.
June 30, 2015

I am wondering if any of you have any good resources to study up on for abstaining from overindulging in unhealthy habits and attitudes.

A little back story: I have a highly addictive personality. It is very easy for me to overindulge in things to the point that they are unhealthy. Up until this point in my life, most of those things have been the more negative things that I get addicted to (alcohol, pornography, laziness, etc.). I have decided to put my foot down and just be better, but I don't really know where to turn from here. Do I just switch to overindulging in healthier activities like diet and exercise, or is that just swapping one addiction for another. I really want to focus on the root cause of this issue (the addictions) so that if I do fall off the bandwagon of diet and exercise I don't slip completely. I've done that in the past and I do not want to have that happen to me again.

I am kind of at a crossroads of knowing that I want to do better, but not knowing what to do to be better. I know that I need to abstain from the alcohol and porn and start eating a cleaner diet, but outside of that, I'm not sure what to do. I feel that by doing this I am just dealing with the effects of the addictions and not the true causes of them.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Is there something that I am missing here? Has anyone else overcome their addictive personality that can weigh in with some advice?

4 years agoherspacejuly posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
June 30, 2015

This helped me: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X Also tackling black and white, all or nothing, perfectionist thinking. Accept yourself where you are now and it will help take the pressure off so you can actually change.

Does anyone know what myfitnesspal does with our data? [R]

4 years agoduffstoic posted submission on Fitness.
June 24, 2015

For example they know exactly what I ate for the last several months and I am pretty sure they can figure out my identity. Do they sell that to Supermarkets and the Food Industrie? What would be the most profitable way to use that data?

4 years agoduffstoic posted on Fitness.
June 24, 2015

That's generally true, but according to The Power of Habit, Target has figured out when women are likely to be pregnant (sometimes before they or their families even find out) and sell them things related to pregnancy. So in that sense, there can be an individualized component to Big Data that is freaky accurate at times.

Does anyone know what myfitnesspal does with our data? [R]

4 years agoduffstoic posted submission on Fitness.
June 24, 2015

For example they know exactly what I ate for the last several months and I am pretty sure they can figure out my identity. Do they sell that to Supermarkets and the Food Industrie? What would be the most profitable way to use that data?

4 years agoduffstoic posted on Fitness.
June 24, 2015

The Power of Habit goes into this in some detail.

EDIT: I found the story of how Target predicts pregnancy sometimes before the women or their families know they are pregnant pretty fascinating.

I'm really excited to finally get this to you guys. I present to you, my Ultimate Guide to NoFap. [R]

4 years, 1 month agobruce123lee posted submission on NoFap.
June 13, 2015

TL;DR Version at bottom, but I promise it’s worth the read.

First off, let me briefly tell you my story. I am an 18 year old male, and I just finished my freshman year in college. I was first exposed to pornography and masturbation in the fifth grade by my best friend. I grew up in an extremely evangelical household, and, at the time, my parents had never talked to me about porn, masturbation, or what it means to have healthy sexual habits.

Now, some 8 years later, I am an addict. I first heard about the dangers of Porn in church, so I wanted to stop initially for religious reasons. For a few years, I had no other side effects other than shame and guilt for what I was doing. Today, I have gone through episodes of depersonalization and suicidal depression, which I now attribute to the emotional trauma I was putting myself through for the fact that I couldn't quit PMO.

Now I am doing this for personal reasons. This is about my relationships, my mental health, and taking back control of my life. I have been doing some research over the past two months about addiction and habits, and I have put together, what I think, is the guide to quit PMO for good. So here we go.

First Step: Understanding Habits and Willpower In order to beat an addiction, we must understand what it is on a fundamental level, and how we fight it on a fundamental level. An addiction is a habit we cannot break, and we fight this addiction using willpower. Now let's break it down a little more and learn some interesting things about habits and willpower.

Habits: A habit is comprised of three parts: the cue, the routine, and the reward. Now this seems rather simple, but there has been some very useful research on this habit loop and how it effects our daily lives.

For instance, in 1993, there was an elderly man named Eugene Pauly who was infected with viral encephalitis which ate through the soft tissue of his brain -- specifically, his memory centers. After recovering from the infection, Eugene could not remember where he lived, or his children, and he would forget where he was within minutes of arriving anywhere. Eugene, however, was still able to do some very perplexing things.

Eugene would wake up in the morning, walk out of his bedroom, downstairs, turn into the kitchen, open up cabinets, and make himself breakfast. But when researchers asked Eugene to draw a floorplan of what his house looked like, he couldn't remember. Eugene would also disappear in the mornings and go for walks, but when researchers took him outside and asked him which house on the street was his, he couldn't remember. Then, he would promptly walk up the street, turn left down his side walk and walk into his house.

What researchers were learning was that Eugene still maintained the same habits that he had before his viral infection. Eugene would be cued by something, like an alarm, then execute his routine, getting out of bed, navigating his house, and making breakfast.

Now researchers noticed that sometimes Eugene would get lost on his walks, and they tried to find out why. They looked at his environment when he would get lost and found something interesting -- when there was bad weather or road work or something similar, Eugene’s cues to go home changed and he would get lost. Something as simple as a tree branch in the road could cause him to get lost on his walks. This realization is particularly important for my Guide to Nofap, so keep this in mind.

Willpower: Several studies have been done about willpower, and what research has showed is that willpower is similar to a muscle: when you are asked to exert willpower, your will tires out, and when you exercise willpower, your will gets stronger.

Some very interesting corporate research into employees who frequently deal with customers has found that even some strong-willed people would break down in a moment of high stress and snap at customers, or have an emotional break down.

For the sake of brevity, I will cut straight to the point: what researchers found is that strategically planning for high stress events and practicing your routine made great customer service a habit, and even originally weak-willed people could maintain excellent customer service in the most stressful of situations. In other words, if we anticipate and practice having willpower, we can build up the strength of our willpower muscle.

Now that we understand the important points behind habits and willpower, let's get to some of the good stuff.

Step 2: Create a fearless and searching inventory of yourself

Yes, this one of the steps from AA’s 12 step program. AA is purportedly the reason that over 10 million former alcohol addicts are now sober, and this particular step has fantastic benefits, so we’re going to steal it.

Create a list of your personal benefits from NoFap, and the side effects of PMOing. This list will start to help you look at what porn is doing to you mentally, and the list is also a great relapse prevention tool. I look at this list every day, and it reminds me what I’m doing this for. This list is a source of motivation.

Start keeping track of how you feel all day. I stole this from habit reversal therapy for nail biters, which is a very common habit among teenagers and young adults. Nail biters frequently say, when asked how they feel before and after they bite, is that they feel stressed or excited, and the next thing they know they have already chewed their fingernails without realizing it. Realization of how we feel is key. Therapists will usually tell the nailbiter to start carrying around a note card and mark a tally on the card every time they get the urge or catch themselves biting their nails. What therapists see is that, in almost every case, the person is much more likely to quit biting their nails if they learn how to see the urge coming as it approaches, that way they won’t fall into habit - autopilot mode.

I want you to get a little more specific, however. When you feel good, mark it down along with what you were doing at the time. Do the same for when you feel bad, and for when you feel an urge. The point of this is that over the course of a week or so, you will start to see patterns emerge in your behavior. You will see that you feel best after your workout, or after you spend time with loved ones, and that you feel bad after you get to work, or that you feel urges when you take a shower, etc. This becomes a tool that can be used very effectively in your fight against PMO. You can now predict how you are going to feel in the future. This is crucial. This will come into play in later steps.

Step 3: Changing your Old Habit

There is what researchers refer to a “Golden Rule” of habit change. It is used extensively in addiction and habit reversal therapies. The Golden Rule says this: a habit can be changed by keeping the same cue and reward, but changing the routine.

This is a brilliant idea. On a fundamental level, what we are craving is the reward of physical and emotional release when we PMO. But how can we change our routine? I chose stretching/exercise. Every time I get an urge, I stretch or do some pushups or something active that can be accomplished without having to move more than 10 feet.

For me, however, the Golden Rule presented a small problem. Let me explain the problem and my solution.

I identified my bathroom as the place where 90% or more of my relapses have occurred. I found the pattern usually went something like this: hot shower in the evening; listening to music with phone in reach to change songs; start looking at reddit on phone while in shower; get out of shower; pornography and relapse. Sometimes I would get my laptop and bring it into the bathroom, sometimes not. But It was very hard to change my routine. I can’t just drop down in my bathroom and stretch or do pushups, and the ability to relapse was closer to me than the space to stretch or exercise.

When Eugene would get lost, researchers found out that the reason that his habit loop to go home would not execute is that his environmental cues different to the point where they wouldn’t trigger the habit loop.

The same thing is possible with a PMO addiction. If you change your environment, you won’t cue the habit loop. This can be a particularly effective tool if you frequently relapse in an area where the routine is hard to change, like me and my bathroom.

I experimented with this on myself about changing environmental cues, and the results have been great. I have now entirely stopped relapsing in the bathroom: I cleaned and removed some things, and I banned all electronic devices from being in my bathroom. That’s been it.

Before, my sink space was kind of messy, covered with a lotion bottle, shaving cream can, usually a hand towel, maybe my hairbrush, and my toothpaste that I forgot to put back in the cupboard, and I have two towels on racks because I typically shower twice a day. I cleaned up my bathroom, took out my lotion, shaving cream, or anything that would encourage me to touch myself and put it elsewhere, and I removed one of the towels. I have not had an urge to PMO in the shower since. Those subtle environmental changes kept me from triggering my habit loop.

That being said, that is not the golden ticket for getting out of a PMO addiction. The habit loop triggered in my bathroom was so strong that I would fall into autopilot and relapse. After I moved things around, things looked different enough that I wouldn’t be cued into autopilot and relapse. I have still relapsed even with this is play, just not in my bathroom. I fell back on other habits and relapsed elsewhere. The point here, however, is to learn to manipulate your habit loop to only be triggered where you can change the routine.

You can apply this by identifying the areas of your living space where you relapse most frequently, and adjust the environment. Move your bed to a different corner of the room and reorganize other furniture, or maybe put up some posters.

Now that you can expect your cues to come in a place where routine change is possible, let’s get to the next step.

Step 4: Flex your willpower

One of the realizations that willpower researchers came to was that anticipating moments where willpower will be used, coming up with a plan for dealing with it, and practicing the plan greatly decreases the amount of willpower you have to use to get through the moment. Analogous to sports: you know what you will be competing in, so you practice that competition, and as a result, you become much more likely to win the competition. Eventually, you have practiced so much that winning has become a habit. We will do the same thing, but our competition is an urge to PMO.

You now have an inventory of yourself. You know when and where all your urges occur and what all your cues are that trigger your habit loop. You have an idea of a new routine you want to put in place of PMOing when said urge hits, so now the thing left to do is come up with a detailed plan, and start practicing.

Write out a plan. Seriously. Take out a piece of paper, and at the top of each page, write the urge scenario. For example, I might write, “When I get an urge in the shower, I’m going to…” or “When I get an urge on reddit, I’m going to…”. Now write out a detailed plan of action for that moment. Write how your going to feel in the moment. To summarize an example: “When I get an urge in the shower, I’m going to turn around, face the faucet, and turn my shower ice cold. Then I will finish my shower as quickly as possible, dry off as quickly as possible, and get out of the bathroom. I will then leave all my electronic devices in my bedroom, and I will go upstairs where there are usually people, and do something else until the urge passes.” Now every time I get the slightest urge in the shower, that is exactly what I’m going to do. That way, when a huge urge comes one day, dealing with it successfully will just be habit.

Develop at least 2 Keystone Habits. There habits frequently referred to as “Keystone Habits.” You will need these in your life to be successful. A Keystone habit is essentially a habit in which you do something slightly uncomfortable which requires willpower for a small reward, but they have tremendous impact on the other areas of your life. Keystone habits are fundamental practice for beating your PMO addiction. For example, making your bed is considered a keystone habit. It seems kind of stupid, but look at it a little deeper: you begin your day by successfully completing one small task. That sense of success carries over into the next task you perform that day, and the next, and the next, which may be a presentation or important meeting at work, and you see where I’m going. One small task successfully completed can turn into many large tasks successfully completed. It also implies something many of our parents may have told us growing up: you have to be able to do the small things right, or you’ll never be able to do the big things right.

I cannot stress how important keystone habits are into building your willpower. I will say this very bluntly: if you know you’re weak-willed, you will not beat PMO without building your willpower first. Keystone habits are an excellent way of doing that. Each and every one of the keystone habits carry their own significance, and can be used to help fight a wide variety of problems. In fact, Militaries pride themselves on turning incoming boys into well-trained men through forcing them to build Keystone Habits, and you’ll see the connection. Here is a list of some Keystone Habits to get you going:

  • Regular Exercise: exercise is widely considered one of the most useful keystone habits for developing a success-oriented mindset. If you can’t put yourself through a little pain and discomfort to better your own health now, how can you be trusted with any important task that requires you any discomfort? Exercise teaches you to understand your body, how to find and push your limits, and it shows you how we grow through suffering.

  • Making your Bed: for reasons listed above. Also, general house-keeping for similar reasons.

  • Journaling: step 2 in this guide is exactly what journaling is supposed to be, but people can be turned off by the word “journaling.” Journaling is about understanding yourself and predicting your own behavior so that you can have better control over your own actions, and better control over your life. Journaling is about sacrificing time to build self-awareness. People who journal are found to have a more positive mindset than those who don’t. Food and Finance Journaling are considered by many to be keystone habits on their own. For the sake of brevity, I leave it to you to look up more about food and finance journaling.

  • Meditation: Meditation is another practice in developing self-awareness. Imagine that your mind is like a pond of still water. Throughout your day, things get thrown into the pond, and the water gets stirred up. By the time you finish your day, your pond may have waves instead of ripples. Meditation is the act of letting go of the things that are noisy in your head, and letting the pond become still again. It initially shows you how little control you have over yourself. People try to force themselves to stop thinking, but that is like trying to flatten out the waves with your hands -- you only create more waves. Meditation teaches you mental control focus, and builds a present-oriented mindset. Physically, meditation also decreases stress and anxiety.

  • Cold Showers: Cold showers are considered by some to be a Keystone Habit. Cold Showers provide several health benefits, like closing pores and reducing oily, pimple filled skin, increasing natural levels of serotonin, increasing levels of testosterone, increasing immune system strength, increasing blood circulation, and increasing metabolic rate. Cold showers also carry a philosophy similar to exercise. If you can’t perform when your comfort is the only thing on the line, how are you going to perform when something much bigger than comfort is on the line? You will stand in front of the cold mist, and make excuses about why you should just take a hot shower. Cold showers makes crushing your excuses a habit, and show you that apprehension and softness can be conquered by habit. I cannot speak enough to benefits of cold showers.

  • Planning: Daily planning, like writing things down in a planner, is considered to be a keystone habit. People who plan their day are shown to be more focused on their goals, and much more likely to accomplish them. People who strategically plan are shown to have a greater sense of success and accomplishment in their lives.

  • Visualization: Again, step 4 is a specific application of this keystone habit. This is another one I cannot speak highly enough of. Michael Phelps broke a world record with broken goggles because he made visualization a habit and visualized what he would do in the event of a goggle failure years before one ever happened to him. He knew every stroke in his race, and swam the whole thing from memory. Visualization is an excellent tool for dealing with stress and preparing for events. People who visualize tasks are shown to perform much better under stress than those who don’t.

  • Posture: Focusing on maintaining good posture not only improves musculoskeletal health, but it also has a huge effect on emotion and relationships. People with good posture are generally seen by others to be more confident and intelligent, and studies show that self-esteem and confidence can be boosted just by simply changing your posture. See Amy Cuddy’s Body Language Ted Talk.

Step 5: Belief and Outward Focus

Alcoholic’s Anonymous showed researchers studying addiction recovery something rather strange: down the road, every AA member hits a traumatic life event during which some AA members begin drinking again, even after years spent clean; however, some AA members make it through traumatic events just fine. What is the difference between the two different types of people?

Research showed only one thing differed between the two: belief. Now, I’m not saying you need to believe in God for this to work, but the point is that sometimes the urge gets so strong that you fall through to nothing more than faith that you can make it through your urge. For some people, they find that faith in God, for others it comes from somewhere else. You need to find a way to believe, I mean truly believe deep down, that you can and will change.

This is optional, but I highly recommend you tell someone about what you're going through. Tell a friend, or family member, or find an online accountabili-buddy. Psychology researchers have found that confession has enormous emotional benefits for us, and it can be extremely useful to have someone to talk to during troubling times.

Step 6: Bring it all together

Now you have all the tools you need to beat this addiction. You understand what a habit is and how to change it, and you understand what willpower is and how to build it. You understand your own PMO habit loop, and you have a plan in place for executing your new routine in place of PMO when the urge hits. You understand how to control your environment to make your routine manageable. You understand the fundamental connection between building a new habit and changing an old one. You are building new habits that give you an infectious, success-oriented mindset.

Keep yourself in a good frame of mind every day. Do not become complacent, ever. Everyday you need to remind yourself what your doing and why. You must stay committed.

You’re on your way to crushing this addiction. And now you’re on your way to becoming an awesome fucking person.

Tl;DR

First Step: Understanding Habits and Willpower A habit has three parts: the cue, the routine and the reward. Willpower is like a muscle and is tired with use, but can be strengthened.

Step 2: Create a fearless and searching inventory of yourself Take note of every time you feel good, bad, or get an urge, and write down the scenario in which it occurred in vivid detail. Over time, you will start to notice patterns in your behavior that will help you plan on how to fight this addiction.

Step 3: Changing your Old Habit A habit can be changed only by keeping the same cue and reward, but changing the routine. You must find a new routine and put in place of PMO when you get an urge.

Step 4: Flex your willpower Write out an action plan. Seriously. Take out a piece of paper and describe in detail the scenario in which you get an urge, and how you plan to deal with it and succeed. Research shows this method of planning builds success into a habit. Install keystone habits into your life (at least 2): * regular exercise * making your bed * journaling * meditation * cold showers * daily planning * visualization * posture

Step 5: Belief and Outward Focus Tell someone you trust about what you’re going through. You need to find a way to believe you can make it through this, whether it be through religious means or not.

Step 6: Bring it all together Understand why each of these steps matters, and why you are doing this at all. Every day, you will do this to maintain perspective and stay committed.

Also, I highly recommend you all read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. That book is where I got probably half of my information from. Its a seriously good read.

EDIT: Thank you all for the love and gratitude! I'm so happy you guys like this.

4 years, 1 month agobruce123lee posted on NoFap.
June 13, 2015

surprisingly I have read the book " the power of habits " by charles duhigg, which has inspired this post but I found this post more helpful than the whole book because it had no reference to porn or PMO.

I recommend reading the book to everyone though because it is considered one of the best books on habit formation of recent times

[Advice] Habits shape our life [R]

4 years, 1 month agohoudoken posted submission on getdisciplined.
June 4, 2015

"With habits, we conserve our self-control. Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision making and from using self-control."

"When possible, the brain makes a behavior into a habit, which saves effort and therefore gives us more capacity to deal with complex, novel, or urgent matters. Life becomes simpler, and many daily hassles vanish."

"When we’re anxious or tired, we fall back on our habits, whether bad or good... try to shape habits mindfully, so that when we fall back on them at times of stress, we’re following activities that make our situation better, not worse. "

This is a great read that deals with habit formation and using it to shape our lives. It touches very important aspects of achieving what we want by making them a daily part of our life and also the pitfalls of forming habits.

Link: "http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/03/23/better-than-before-gretchen-rubin/"

Personally, I have been on the road of self improvement for about 1.5 years. For flakes like me, habit formation are a gift from God. Roughly a year ago, I shaped my daily life in such a way that I would learn 1-5 new words and read every day, exercise at least 20 minutes every day, and try to improve my mindset and study habits. It has improved my life tremendously. I am still a lazy sloth, but I have learned an upwards of 500 words, my reading skills have improved, and I lost 9 lb. I feel I have some control over my life now compared to a year ago.

4 years, 1 month agohoudoken posted on getdisciplined.
June 4, 2015

since no one else has said it, I'll go ahead and recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg as a decent starting place for understanding the underlying mechanisms at work in habit formation.

Also check out The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It, as these two topics are intrinsically interrelated.

Arousal or pornography addiction [R]

4 years, 1 month agoJune 2, 2015

So I have been a member of nofap for the last couple of years. Yep. Years.

My goal is to be free from my compulsive pornography searches, from having to fantasise about some crazy-ass porn during sex with my SO, and I want to improve my concentration curve. I want to be able to enjoy life outside, with friends, without having to tear myself away from behind a computer screen... I am frankly a barely functioning addict, spending time I should be spending on my studies behind my browser looking for things decidedly not study related!

Though I have been able to tone back masturbation and porn searches from twice daily to my current realistic average streak of about once per week, I'm still not where I want to be.

I feel that a large part of that is due to a misnomer from my part. I separated at first things like pornography and masturbation: 'Masturbation, bad, porn, ok'. I quickly (quite a while ago) learned that both of those are not good for me. Just looking at porn will set me back just about as much as looking at it and masturbating. So I tried to ban pornography as well. And that is still hard to do.

For me, I have engrained the thought of looking for porn as an arousing thought. As soon as I start to contemplate to look for porn, my mind goes into a 'giddy' state, where it starts to reward me for that thought. In fact, I feel better (aroused) just contemplating my porn searches. I'm not a big fan of labelling this as a certain receptor or hormone being released (having studied the brain for med-school for a bit, I'm pretty sure things are not as straightforward), but the end-result is the same. Thinking of porn arouses me, increasing the likelihood of me giving in to the urges. Given my emotional state before contemplating to look for porn, it might even set me on pretty much 'autopilot,' if I was feeling bad enough before.

Last week I realised something else. I have been approaching my problem from a pornography addiction perspective. I believed that eliminating pornography was the key to my recovery. However, I realised that when I normally surf, I end up on a constant group of websites, refreshing over and over to find the latest bit of news that might excite me. Note the 'excite' in that last sentence.

This led me to believe that my addiction is not as much to pornography, as it is to arousal. When life is boring, when I feel bad, I try to get some kind of arousing impulses. And given the previous success rate for finding arousing things, my first and foremost reaction is to go on the internet. Not even porn right away, but maybe compiling a fantasy computer (can't afford it), looking for the latest car news (news is slow, what I read 2 days ago is still accurate), finding similar sites that all report the same news that is exciting to me, and reading about the same thing in a dozen different ways. It's absolutely useless, but I do it every day. Several times a day.

This is another way for me to comb the internet for arousal-inducing items. So concluding I think our struggle (and now I am generalising, this might not apply to you) might be better labelled as arousal addiction. And consequently altering the approach we have to kicking the habit by including this knowledge. We keep striving to find the latest newest exciting thing, be it the new porn scene, or the latest processor updates. And not looking for that new thing, not hunting and finding it, is severely depressing. So we keep looking.

Stopping pornography without stopping random browsing starts to look like trying to quit drinking by stopping yourself from drinking the hard liquor, while still drinking beer....

I don't know if any of you who read this (the rest will never see this sentence :d ) will feel that this might help you. I intend to have it help me though. Effective from now on, no more mindless browsing. Full stop. Has there been something that you learned from doing this that you will greatly miss? Have you been enlightened by reading a random post on a news-website?

Anyway, sorry for the long rant, I had to spell it out for myself. Good luck to all of you.

TL, DR: Pornography addiction might be part of a bigger thing called Arousal addiction, relating as well to the compulsive web-browsing for other non-porn things, based on my personal experience. Attempting to quit porn without quitting mindless browsing is like giving up the hard liquor and still drinking beer. I intend to apply the mentality of quitting both.

edit: some clarification upon proofreading.

4 years, 1 month agoskolrageous posted on pornfree.
June 2, 2015

You should read the book Power of Habit. It's extremely helpful with developing methods of changing habits such as what you describe.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

IWTL how to wake up earlier in the morning and enjoy it. [R]

4 years, 1 month agoJohnyTex posted submission on IWantToLearn.
May 27, 2015
4 years, 1 month agoJohnyTex posted on IWantToLearn.
May 27, 2015

I would recommend The Power of Habit by Michael Duhigg; aside from being an interesting read it also has some great tips about forming new habits.

I used to be a real night-owl, but after following some of the tips in the book I pretty much always wake up at 6 AM. Can't say that I always enjoy it, but I think that would be expecting a bit too much ;)

The gist of the technique is that you give a short-term reward for doing whatever you want to make into a habit. I love coffee, so what I did was that I bought a French press. Every morning, if I got up at my target time, I would take the time to prepare a nice cup of coffee with the french press.

Eventually, the first thing I thought of when the alarm went off was not how tired I was, but that I wanted that cup of french press coffee; this is the point where an action turns into a habit.

[LPT Request] How can I train up my willpower? [R]

4 years, 1 month agoMay 26, 2015

[removed]

4 years, 1 month agoSeanV2oh posted on LifeProTips.
May 26, 2015

I found The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg to be a super useful book in breaking bad habits and creating good habits. He explains how the brain's habit loop works and how to retrain yourself to be more effective. It has a lot of applications: drug addiction, will power, exercise, smoking, etc.

ELI5: When I drift into a deep thought while driving, and I finally snap out of it... How did I make all those stops and turns and not really remember doing any of it? [R]

4 years, 1 month agoIntegrals posted submission on explainlikeimfive.
May 26, 2015
4 years, 1 month agoIntegrals posted on explainlikeimfive.
May 26, 2015

Another good book is "The Power of Habit".

Super interesting phenomenon. The author studied cases in where the ability to form new memory is lost, yet patients were still able to form new habits and have a healthy life.

It also talks about how habits rule most of your day to day activities/choices.

Link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

Found this interesting article about why your brain tries to sabotage you after you've started changing bad habits [R]

4 years, 1 month ago-SPIRITUAL-GANGSTER- posted submission on keto.
May 25, 2015

I was looking around for resources to help me deal with my husband who has started smoking again... and I stumbled across this article, and I thought it applied to those of us who might be struggling to deal with the "scumbag brain" while transitioning to keto. The phenomena is called "Extinction Burst"

Just before you give up on a long-practiced routine, you freak out. It’s a final desperate attempt by the oldest parts of your brain to keep getting rewarded. As Matt Webb explains at Interconnected.org – if you use the same elevator every day to get to avoid climbing 10 flights of stairs, and one day you press the button and nothing happens, you don’t just immediately take the stairs. You start jamming all the buttons over and over again, you get mad, you ask around for help, you talk to other people, you go back and press the buttons again, and then, finally, you take the stairs.

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/07/07/extinction-burst/

Remember everybody! Don't listen to scumbag brain! KCKO!

4 years, 1 month ago-SPIRITUAL-GANGSTER- posted on keto.
May 25, 2015

Once upon a time I had a drug problem, and in recovery circles this phenomenon is known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). PAWS trips up many addicts 6, 9, 18 months into recovery. People can be coasting along smoothly, happily clean and sober, and it's like a switch is flipped in their brains and all the old thoughts and behaviors come flooding back in. Addiction is an extreme example, but what many people aren't aware of is, once we've become habituated to anything that gives us a reward (good or bad), those circuits are wired into our brains and never go away. I can change my behavior, and remap the neural pathways, but the circuits that force me to seek out pleasure and reward will remain. That's why, for me, it's important to identify the triggers that lead me into pleasure-seeking (and ultimately self-destructive) behavior. When specific triggers are identified, I can replace the negative reward-seeking behavior with positive reward-seeking behavior. Sometimes they're obvious (an ex-smoker seeing someone light up), but often they are far more subtle, and usually based on emotional triggers that are quite complex and difficult to identify. When I was getting clean, I kept a daily journal which over time, allowed me to see the relationship between my emotional state and my desire to get high. Eventually I learned to channel my drug-seeking behavior into things like exercise and making music. Feeling sad? Don't get high, get on your bike. Feeling isolated? Don't get high, talk to someone. Feeling insecure? Don't get high, write a song about it. In recent months, this journaling process has brought me to the understanding that my carbohydrate intake has become an addiction. Instead of taking drugs, I've been consuming massive amounts of sugar. And the most interesting thing, for me, is that all of the same triggers that led me to using drugs were triggering me to use carbs. For example, when I was using, depression was the trigger (A), taking drugs was the behavior (B), and being high (C) was the reward:

A --> B --> C

When I was cleaning up, depression (A) was the trigger, exercise (D) was the new behavior, and the endorphin rush (E) was the reward:

A --> D --> E

The behavior and reward are different, one is healthy and the other is not, but the trigger is identical. And so, recently I've realized that for me, depression (A) leads to sugar intake (B) leads to a sugar rush (F).

A --> B --> F

Different reward, same trigger and negative behavior. If I'm not careful, A --> B --> F can easily switch to A --> B --> C. Which is why I'm here in /r/keto, to change the negative behaviors into positive ones.

If you find this interesting, there's a great book called The Power of Habit that explains this concept in great detail.

Working on beating my marijuana addiction has given me the tools to start beating other addictions. [R]

4 years, 2 months agoMay 11, 2015

[deleted]

4 years, 2 months agohorse_thief posted on leaves.
May 11, 2015

Keep up the good work! Your post reminded me of a book I read that you might find interesting.

ELI5: Why do we get cravings? [R]

4 years, 2 months agoExplains_HCI_things posted submission on explainlikeimfive.
May 1, 2015
4 years, 2 months agoExplains_HCI_things posted on explainlikeimfive.
May 1, 2015

The Power of Habit has your answer in long form.

I teach HS personal finance and want to know what you wish you had known! [R]

4 years, 2 months agohungryhungryhorus posted submission on personalfinance.
April 28, 2015

I'm looking to revamp my personal finance curriculum. I have switched positions from a state-mandated curriculum to a private school/flexible curriculum and so can make adjustments as needed... and would LOVE additional input.

What do you think is the most valuable piece of personal finance information for 16-18 year old students to know?

(Side note: The majority of my students are not planning on requiring student loans...lucky them..)

edit: WOW. I love hearing these responses and am thrilled to find validation in some of the lessons I already teach and great ideas on how to make them better. For those who were wondering - I found that only four states in the US are required to teach personal finance and mine just happens to be one of them; I had no idea. It should be everywhere, so many of my students say this is the most useful class they take in HS.

Again, thank you so much. I'll be spending many plan periods sifting through this data! :)

4 years, 2 months agohungryhungryhorus posted on personalfinance.
April 29, 2015

I'm a bit late to the party but I don't see anyone mentioning the fundamental underpinnings of habits here.

I highly recommend The Power of Habit for a good understanding of the elements.

Where I'm coming from with this is that I was taught personal finance in high school including basically everything I'm seeing here but I really didn't make full use of the information because I didn't engage in the right behavior to make it work for me.

Article: Why Exercise is a Higher Priority than my Business [R]

4 years, 2 months agoepistle_to_dippy posted submission on Entrepreneur.
April 27, 2015

I stumbled across this article earlier today (http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/245224) and it got me thinking about health and priorities in business. I'll admit, I'm not a small man and I could certainly use to shed a few pounds, but I always made the excuse that other things were more important and that exercise would be fit in if/when there was time. Thing is, there's never time. I always find ways to fill my time without making room for exercise. So this article has me thinking: maybe this guy is right? I mean, my business can't succeed if I'm hospitalized or worse.

4 years, 2 months agoepistle_to_dippy posted on Entrepreneur.
April 28, 2015

I am currently reading The Power of Habit... it's a pretty good read. Well written along the lines of Gladwell's Tipping Point. According to the author, we have a finite amount of willpower that diminishes throughout the day, so if you are looking to make exercise a habit/routine, then you should aim to do it first thing in the AM.

Have you read any good business books lately? [R]

4 years, 2 months agoApril 27, 2015

[deleted]

4 years, 2 months agoGet9 posted on taiwan.
April 27, 2015

On business? Not recently, though I did read The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, by Charles Duhigg, last year. It's an excellent read if you feel like you have something holding you back from completing your goals, but are unable to quite understand what that something is.

Much of the book is business-related, but the concepts can be applied to multiple aspects of life.

[METHOD] Simple tip for giving things up (sugar, cigarettes, etc.) [R]

4 years, 2 months agoCarterListens posted submission on getdisciplined.
April 21, 2015

I haven't smoked a cigarette or consumed anything sugary since December of last year, and I'd like to share with you a method that seems to have helped me. It's very simple. Perhaps you already know about it. But I didn't, and would have benefited from this advice myself at one time.

Let's take giving up sugar as an example. First, find a healthier alternative. In my case, it was these Nakd fruit bars made entirely from compressed fruit and nuts. Their sugar content is high, but it's "natural" sugar, which is rather misleading because even normal sugar is "natural". You wouldn't be fooled by the following words written on a bag of sugar: "100% natural sugarcane extract. No added sugar". So bearing this fact in mind, I decided to limit my consumption of these fruit bars such that they became a true substitute for what I was eating before, something I would feel a little guilty about having too much of. This turned out to be the key to success.

This is unintuitive because naturally we are inclined to allow ourselves an unlimited amount of the substitute in order to stave off cravings. Imagine you've been repeatedly forgoing doughnuts, cookies, and other temptations, hastily devouring fruit in a desperate attempt to make the cravings go away. What's going to happen when you feel depressed, anxious, angry, drunk, or otherwise upset? If you're gorging on fruit even when feeling good, then when your will is weakened by bad feelings you'll be at great risk of relapse.

Instead, ration your substitutes the way you used to ration what you're now trying to give up. When bad feelings occur you will binge on the substitute and feel only slightly guilty the following day, rather than relapse completely and feel totally demoralised.

A good substitute for smoking is vaping. The typical advice on the forums is to vape incessantly to ward off cravings. If you're vaping incessantly when motivation is high, what will happen when motivation is low? Instead, try to reduce the amount you vape each week (or reduce the nicotine content). Eventually your vaporiser will sit in your draw mostly unused. You'll resort to it only in times of stress. The idea of smoking a cigarette will begin to seem extreme.

Something we tend not to anticipate when giving something up (especially if it's physiologically addictive) is how it gets easier over time. I rarely eat those fruit bars now; they taste too sweet. I've had a Lindt chocolate Santa on my desk since December and I've stopped even seeing it as food; it's just an object. The idea of eating chocolate is like smoking crack to me, and I have little desire to do it.

4 years, 2 months agoCarterListens posted on getdisciplined.
April 22, 2015

I gave up sugar, wheat, almost all my carbs, smoking, drinking, drugs (ha, well you know, I do frequent /r/nootropics...)

It's been a bit more than 5 months, I started early so it wouldn't feel like a new years resolution destined to fail, but I like starting that idea at 1/1, you know? I eat mostly fat, protein, and vegetables. I still splurge once in a while but easily limit my diet, maybe I'll end up on Soylent (whatever happened to that?)

It's not/wasn't/isn't easy, but you can do it. I think I probably have a dopamine deficiency of sorts, relevant to my apparent ADD, and that's why I sought out so much outside sources to fill it in.

I read a good book called The Power of Habit that helped me rethink a bit. I try and stay motivated and keep busy, that's what really helps. Don't get bored!

This was good advice.

Anyway I lowered my nicotine BUT now I just vape more, gotta stay relevant but I love where I get my juice from... It's so good. I started at 2.4% and went to 1.8% and now I have 1.6% and 1.2% .... Rationing substitutes, I'll have to keep that in mind. Good way of putting it.

Oh except water, increase your intake of water and feel better, it'll become habit later and you'll wonder how you went through life in a dehydrated daze. Start in the morning when you wake up, you breath almost a kilogram of weight off each night!

Are state lotteries exploitative and predatory? Some sold $800 in tickets per person last year. State by state sales per capita map. [OC] [R]

4 years, 3 months agonmp12 posted submission on dataisbeautiful.
April 18, 2015
4 years, 3 months agonmp12 posted on dataisbeautiful.
April 19, 2015

I'd suggest you read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Not only does it analyze gambling and how much control it can take away, but the end conclusion of the book actually resonates with your opinion on the matter. However, the book properly illustrates why and how habits are such a difficult mental condition to overcome, which makes the story of the gambler much more ambiguous than it seems from your viewpoint.

Browns have released a statement on behalf of Johnny Manziel [R]

4 years, 3 months agoxxtoejamfootballxx posted submission on nfl.
April 17, 2015
4 years, 3 months agoxxtoejamfootballxx posted on nfl.
April 17, 2015

I mean you don't have to believe me, but that doesn't make you right.

You also don't gain a psychological addition before a physical addiction, you just made that up. Physical addictions can be broken by refrain from usage, but psychological addictions cannot. You are still constantly exposed to psychological triggers for addiction, even after your body has escaped dependency.

This is why so many people relapse back to alcohol and drug use, long after they stopped abusing the substance. It's where the concept that you are "always an addict" or "always an alcoholic" even if you aren't using comes from.

To break psychological addiction, you need to change your natural habits and replace the "reward" of use, with something else. This is why AA works so well. It replaces the dependence on alcohol with the dependence and belief in a higher power.

You can break a physical addiction without counseling, simply by refraining from use. It's extremely hard to break psychological addiction without some form of "counseling".

Edit: Also a lot of the chemical reactions in the brain are a result of psychological addiction and not the physical substance. Studies have shown that your brain actually starts producing these chemical reactions before you even use the substance, simply out of anticipation. If you're interested in this subject but aren't into reading academic papers, I'd recommend checking out The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. There's at least one chapter on this in the book.

Every. Single. Decision. [R]

4 years, 3 months ago[deleted] posted submission on loseit.
April 6, 2015

After an almost 40 lb loss, I've hit a bit of a plateau that has lasted at least a month. I know exactly what has caused it, so I shouldn't be surprised. I haven't been tracking, I'm cheating way too often, and exercise has been sparse. Over the weekend, I had a bit of an epiphany that has evolved into sort of a new mantra:

"Every single decision you make affects your weight loss." Every single bit of food you put into your body has an effect, be it positive or negative. Every single activity you partake in has an effect on your body.

These are things I've always known, but lately I have failed to remind myself of. I decided to kick things into high gear again, and live by this new mantra.

"Every single decision you make affects your weight loss."

I got up and went to the gym this morning before work.. I NEVER do that. It felt so good. I got to work and was tempted by some donuts that someone had left in the break room. As soon as I looked at them, my brain said, "Every. Single. Decision." And then I said it out loud.

We've got this, y'all. We can do it. Just don't lose focus. That's all it takes.

4 years, 3 months ago[deleted] posted on loseit.
April 7, 2015

> "Every single decision you make affects your weight loss."

It's very important, though, to spend your decisions wisely. We humans only have so much willpower and motivation. The ideal way to use it is to build healthy habits and replace unhealthy ones so that you do healthful things without having to make decisions. It sounds like you're motivated now, so it's the ideal time to train yourself to do these things better.

There's a great book on the topic that's tremendously helpful for changing the way you think about these things:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

(I should get an affiliate link, all the damn books I recommend)

Things you may find helpful in weight loss: * Learn to remove things that enable easy eating from your environment

  • Replace highly unhealthy food choices (say, a bag of mini candy bars) with something that scratches the same itch but is kind good for you (a single Cliff's Builder Bar)

  • Start eating a restaurants where you get more control over what goes into your food, and order healthy (subway or chipotle vs say, a bistro)

  • Consider ditching your car if it's remotely appropriate

  • Avoid going home after work where you fall into the same patterns you've had around for awhile. Go to, say, a bookstore or library and read instead. Or wander around a nearby downtown. Keep yourself active and engaged in the evening

There's a big list of stuff you can do, but ultimately, if you spend your time really focusing on specific instances of small issues (not eating that one donut today) vs general trends of broad issues (not putting yourself in situations that tend to lead to donut consumption), you will find yourself in at a long-term disadvantage.

Myntra to shut website from May 1 [R]

4 years, 3 months agoSocratesTombur posted submission on india.
April 6, 2015
4 years, 3 months agoSocratesTombur posted on india.
April 6, 2015

Why is this surprising? Despite our fanciful illusions, companies exist for one reason alone. To make money for promoters and investors.

If you have noticed the mobile websites of pretty much any of these companies: Jabong, Flipkart, Zomato, Snapdeal, they barrage you with requests to switch to using the app. Flipkart offers a one time sizeable 10% discount on using a Visa Debit Card on transactions made using the app.

And do we realize that companies do a shit ton more research on their initiatives, than heed the speculations of some keyboard jockey? Apps are a gold mine of information. Shopping patterns, location data, search queries, etc. Further more, through the app they can front you insane levels of advertising, and lead to impulsive buying. This is a completely rational move that might very well lead to sizable profits in the long term.

Humans are not rational creatures, a fact too well exploited by marketing and advertising departments. I would urge you to read Predictably Irrational and the [Power of Habit.] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X) The latter of these books chronicles the efforts of Target (the american supermarket giant) and how sophisticated its mechanisms are in manipulating buying patterns of consumers.

If Myntra has made it difficult for you to shop, it has done you the favour of providing you with an opportunity to reconsider the usual frivolous buying that we all engage in.

EMSK: How to build powerful habits [R]

4 years, 3 months agocas18khash posted submission on everymanshouldknow.
March 28, 2015
4 years, 3 months agocas18khash posted on everymanshouldknow.
March 28, 2015

Every man should read

This is the book he draws from. It's a life changing book.

My fupa is disappearing!!! [R]

4 years, 3 months agoz4ni posted submission on Fitness.
March 25, 2015

I was doing the Keto diet for about 6 months last year, and it worked amazingly. I lost about 40 pounds, I felt great, and I looked good! However money got really tight and I couldn't afford it anymore. I still tried to minimize my carb and sugar intake, though, and only gained back 10 of the 40 pounds I had lost. It felt like I gained back 50, though.

As the weather has been warming up lately (aside from today, anyway; I'm so done with waking up to a blanket of fresh snow), I've been taking my dog on more fulfilling walks every morning, right after crawling out of bed. This not only gave me much-needed exercise, but her as well! She's only about 5 pounds overweight, but proportionately, that's 1/8th of her body weight; equal to me losing almost 30 pounds. I've also been able to do more off-leash training with her, and we're both happier overall!!

I've been battling intense mental health issues, too, and am recovering from a suicide attempt and seeking treatment. Doing the rather quick 20-30 minute workout routine I've retained since high school every other day for the past week has helped that immensely. After our morning walk, I stretch, do 30 second planks and side planks, 15 kickbacks each leg, 15 fire hydrant lifts each leg, curl a 15 pound dumbbell 10x each arm, 20 lunges alternating, 10 squats, 10 pushups (from my knees, as I have a bum knee and don't wanna mess it up further), and I'm not sure of the name of it, but the one where you lay on your back and grab something stable to balance yourself and drop the legs so they're just above the floor and lift them back up (lower abs!) 15x, wash, rinse, repeat 2-3 times.

While it's not a super huge workout, I'm happy with my results so far! Better mental health, physical health, and the best parts, increased libido and MY FUPA IS SHRINKING!!! I've had a fupa literally as far back as I can remember, and I'm SO HAPPY to finally be able to get rid of it!!!

Sorry for the long post!! I never really realized how important exercise is. Now I do, though, and I'm never looking back!! :D you guys motivate me every day, thanks so much, all of you!! :)

Edit: pics! Warning: sports bra and gym shorts. It's still there, just a lot smaller than it used to be!

4 years, 3 months agoz4ni posted on Fitness.
March 25, 2015

No problem.

Honestly, my biggest complaint about a Keto diet, that might only apply to me, is that it doesn't help me develop willpower. It's not a strain on my willpower to only stuff my face with tasty meats.

If you're a reader, I'd suggest reading The Power of Habit. It's excellent at providing some insight into how habits are shape and how we can better change them.

Am I going to hell? [R]

4 years, 4 months agoautumnflower posted submission on islam.
March 16, 2015

I have said maybe 2 billion swearwords, probably disobeyed and disrespected my parents 1 billion times, and masturbated to porn and checked out girls maybe 100000 times fap to porn maybe 3000-5000 times. I maybe lied 20 million times, been mean and selfish maybe 1 million times in my life... I'm also very ungrateful about what god gave me (e.g. acne and not being the most handsome etc)

I'm only 17! I always knew swearing was wrong, I knew disrespecting or disobeying parents was bad but only found out it was sin within the last year. After a year of masturbation I found out it was haram but never stopped.

And I've only ever fasted 1 day on ramadan. I prayed only like 50 times max in my life.

Plus I may have committed shirk recently. The Christian trinity made a little sense to me, and on my search I thought what if hinduism is right and there are loads of gods? I many times tried making sense of how god came by thinking maybe a god made him, a god made that, etc.... Afterwards i get scared and think what if the only 1 god puts me in hell for this.

I heard that Allah never forgives shirk and i think people go to hell no matter what once they commit shirk.

Good deeds? Oh jeez, I don't remember doing any good deeds. The ratio of good to bad deeds for me is probably 3:100.

I know that one may go to jannah if his/her good deeds outweigh his/her bad deeds.

If this is the case I would never go to jannah, vladimir puting is being absolutely a psychopath right now he might nuke where i live (england) and then.... Basically if I die tomorrow I'm going straight to hell.

Don't give me hadith rubbish about muslims all eventually going to heaven because there is no evidence of this in the Qur'an. Qur'an is clear that hell is eternal.

I don't see how God will just forgive all my sins with 1 prayer and tawbah. I've tried bettering myself a lot of times but ended up failing each time.

What should I do? The swearing, yes I can and have stopped this. At least drastically decreased it. I have lied a bit less recently, I've been nicer to people even though my little sister is annoying sometimes and i shout. Porn and masturbation I just cannot stop. I can't.

Parents thing? This is the worst... Apparently just sighing and being aggravated at your parents is a big sin. I usually just cannot be bothered to do what they say a lot of the time.

4 years, 4 months agoautumnflower posted on islam.
March 16, 2015

Well at least you know what's wrong. First step to self improvement is admitting something is wrong. So you're ahead of the curve here.

The door to tawbah is never closed. Tawbah doesn't mean saying "I'm sorry!" and then going straight back into doing wrong. It means a genuine regret and attempt to put things right. God (swt) doesn't expect perfection out of us and we aren't perfect, but He does expect a genuine and strong effort to do our best. Thinking about whether hinduism is right or not is not going to send you to hell if your end conclusion was it's not right and God is one.

You need to learn the power of habit. In fact go buy the [book] (http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1426535231&sr=8-1&keywords=power+of+habit).

If you look at all your problems together, it may seem insurmountable, I recommend writing down a list. What do you want to change: Start with small goals and work your way through it.

For example, the number 1 thing that is a problem for you right now is salah. If doing 5 salat everyday looks like too much, start with the commitment to do a salat every single day and maintain for a few weeks. Focus on the getting the salat right, do it slow, contemplate the words and get into it.

Then add another and another every week or so, until you feel comfortable performing all five salat.

Once you have that down. Move on to the next item. Your parents. Your relationship doesn't need to be perfect, but make a commitment to do something nice to them once a day. Just saying thank you, I love you, I appreciate the effort you do. Buy your mom a gift on mother's day, and tell your dad he's a role model and you love him. It'll be the highlight of his decade if you say this, even he doesn't say much back.

And so on. Also, in your free time, explore ways to strengthen your faith and make it more enjoyable. Watch some inspiring videos, get involved with activities at the masjid, volunteer, join the msa once you're in college etc.

Coaching mentor? [R]

4 years, 4 months agorjmcleod posted submission on ultimate.
March 15, 2015

Completely random:

I'm about to enter my second year at coaching. I've never been to nationals. The teams I'm coaching have legitimate shots of atleast playing meaningful games on Sunday(something I've never done as a player at the club or college level.

My questions are multiple. If anyone is interested in answering them I will expand on information further. I have questions about coaching agressive players, structuring a team for long term success, and managing egos. Book recommendations are also welcome.

Thanks,

4 years, 4 months agorjmcleod posted on ultimate.
March 16, 2015

I would put in my votes for The Art of Learning and the Inner Game of Tennis as well.

Also, The Power of Habit is a fantastic book...specifically the section talking about Tony Dungy's coaching style and how it was all about developing habits so the players could execute them without thinking. But you need them to believe in what you are doing too. That's a big thing.

Power of Habit [R]

4 years, 4 months agoKetelYouAreBlack posted submission on stopdrinking.
March 6, 2015

So I am now reading Duhigg's book. He seems to be saying that changing a habit involves changing routine that satisfies the craving. Gosh, what if the craving is to obliterate your brain? What other routine is there? Maybe meditation or prayer? I guess with AA the routine is communication with a group, and the craving is not really brain obliteration, but a sense of community?

4 years, 4 months agoKetelYouAreBlack posted on stopdrinking.
March 6, 2015

I have been thinking about posting this same thing for some time, so if I may I will pile on your post. Duhigg's book is really eye-opening as to the power that habit holds in our lives. Combine that with Carr and you really have some powerful tools.

Here's a link to the title on Amazon: (sorry if there is shorter way to post it)

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1425664756&sr=8-1&keywords=duhigg

I found that my worst cravings happen in habitual circumstances - location, social situation, HALT triggers. All habit. Third part of book relates to corporate habits, but first two sections really give you insight into how your brain influences your behavior without you being aware of it.

Tony Robbins also has some great insight on habit, for those looking further.

I have so many habits that I want to either quit, change, or start that I feel paralyzed. [R]

4 years, 4 months agoMarch 5, 2015

[deleted]

4 years, 4 months agospassa posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
March 5, 2015

u are trying too much at a time. choose one thing only and do it for 4-8 weeks until it becomes a habit. now you dont have to motivate yourself any longer because you developed a habit that doesn't need any motivation to be done. pick the next thing of your list and repeat. this will take his time but will work much better then you current approach.

if you want to read more

motivation is like a muscle that gets sore fast. habits don't need motivation, that's why they are habits.

[serious] Recovered Depressives of Reddit, what happened that lifted you out of depression? [R]

4 years, 5 months agoamurrikan posted submission on AskReddit.
Feb. 5, 2015

third attempt! given that it's Time to Talk day (not sure if worldwide or just UK) #timetotalk I thought i'd ask the question.

Thanks for the great answers in the other two posts, feel free to share them here for people to see.

I figured it would be useful for a lot of people who see no way out to hear some inspiring stories of how to get out of their sad situation.

Is Depression something people can recover from?

Yes I did put a hashtag in here, I feel it is one of the few instances it's actually a worthy use of it. I agree it is far too often used for the wrong reason though.

edit: I'm glad this has taken off. Thanks for all your contributions and inspiring stories! Hopefully everyone reading can feel more positive and/or sympathetic from this thread, even those that aren't depressed. The key theme seems to be to get control of your life and cut out the things that take that away from you.

edit 2: some gold, my first in fact! Thank you! It may only be a small token but gaining recognition for something i have done is what helps keep me going and feel of value to the world. I am incredibly proud to have got so many people talking about this. It's up there with the most important issues of our time. Some of your stories have been truly inspiring and I look forward to responding to more of them when I am not sleeping or working next. Given the volume of replies, I might even see if I can use my statistical knowledge to analyse the responses, I bet there would be some fascinating results that someone more clever than me could figure out some potential solutions. Hope this wouldn't bother people. Good night, hope to hear more great advice and stories in the morning (fyi, I'm UK based).

4 years, 5 months agoamurrikan posted on AskReddit.
Feb. 5, 2015

A few years back I went to the doctor because I kept having panic attacks at work. It turns out I had moderate to severe depression AND generalized anxiety disorder. I thought it was totally normal to constantly wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, unable to go sleep. Everyone else thinks about killing themselves multiple times a day, right? No, they don't. This isn't normal.

I did therapy and drugs for a couple of years, which helped me keep my head above water but I felt like shit all the time. Finally, I had enough. I stopped taking cymbalta cold turkey, which was a bitch and apparently you are NOT supposed to do that, so don't do that.

Then, free of drugs, the first thing I did was to clean out my apartment. I donated clothes I never wore and shit I didn't need, reorganized everything neatly, and scrubbed the fuck out of everything. Spotless. I kept it that way, too, and even made my bed every morning. Never let it get bad again.

Then I got a budget together, got an aggressive savings plan, and got myself financially sound.

Then started eating healthy everyday. No more fast food. Bought a cookbook, learned to feed myself like a grown ass man.

Then I started an exercise routine, both lifting at a gym and running outside.

Essentially, I made all aspects of my life orderly. Now I don't fret about a shitty apartment, or not having enough money, or being overweight, or generally feeling shitty because that's out of the equation. It makes life easier to manage, which makes my depression easier to manage. Also, all the resources and support you need is on reddit: /r/Fitness, /r/personalfinance, /r/EOOD. Use it.

EDIT: I got a lot of inspiration as well from a book I read called The Power of Habit. It's worth a read, I think.

Saturday Evening - Nail me to the cross [R]

4 years, 5 months agoJan. 31, 2015

it would feel better than this loop:

want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it -want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it - want it - can't have it ....

4 years, 5 months agopollyannapusher posted on stopdrinking.
Jan. 31, 2015

Why not try breaking the loop and focus on something else?

Dear Self-Taught Programmers of Reddit, how did you remain disciplined (not necessarily motivated) throughout your studies? [R]

4 years, 5 months agoJan. 30, 2015

[deleted]

4 years, 5 months agonomadProgrammer posted on learnprogramming.
Jan. 30, 2015

read it, it will let you understand better that it is just natural to feel stucked, burnout, unfocused and how to tackle this feeling how to avoid them.

How to handle way better procrastination. How frustration is just part of the learning process.

also the Power of Habit is pretty good too: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

I've gone from an overweight over-sleeper to an athletic early-riser in a couple of years [R]

4 years, 5 months agoa_cat_strikes_back posted submission on AdviceAnimals.
Jan. 28, 2015
4 years, 5 months agoa_cat_strikes_back posted on AdviceAnimals.
Jan. 28, 2015

For anyone interested in a good read on the topic of habits I highly recommend Charles Duhigg's Power of Habit: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

His section on keystone habits - habits that have a spillover effect on other habits / area of life seem especially relevant.

LPT Request: Best ways to cope with unemployment. [R]

4 years, 5 months agoJan. 26, 2015
4 years, 5 months agoJ42S posted on LifeProTips.
Jan. 26, 2015

Improve yourself & learn things

Habits

Learn about habit formation. Watch tiny habits, check out the subreddit Xeffect or read Power of habit.

  • Meditate. There are an insane amount of benefits from meditating. It increase the size of the grey matter, IQ, EQ & Memory just to name a few. Link

  • Read more books. Intelligence without knowledge is much less useful. Link1, Link2

  • Exercise. Exercising regulary boosts IQ along with many other benefits. Link

Beste self-improvement course [R]

4 years, 5 months agoJ42S posted submission on selfimprovement.
Jan. 25, 2015

Suggest me place best self-improvement course that have day buy day tasks for example fix your life in 30 days something like that. Is there course like that on market..

4 years, 5 months agoJ42S posted on selfimprovement.
Jan. 26, 2015

Learn about habit formation. Watch tiny habits or check out the subreddit Xeffect Or read Power of habit.

Then Start som good ones. 16 habits.

I would recommend starting with Meditation or exercise.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. /Aristotle

Day 268 on Keto [R]

4 years, 6 months agohoudoken posted submission on keto.
Jan. 15, 2015

Day 1 was 44.5 around the waist / 278lbs Day 268 I am 33.5 around the waist/ 172lbs

http://imgur.com/a/Gq7UV

4 years, 6 months agohoudoken posted on keto.
Jan. 15, 2015

glad to hear someone say that. I just recently became aware of this. If my mouth feels fresh and minty, I'm far less likely to ruin it by eating something that'll disrupt that. I started reaching for a stick of minty gum as a replacement trigger for the hunger cue (see The Power of Habit for more on habit formation.)

It seems to be working.

[Question] What do you struggle with the most? [R]

4 years, 6 months agocas18khash posted submission on selfimprovement.
Jan. 14, 2015

We all tend to struggle with something, which is why we are here. For a long time, I fought with self-defeating scripts (Ramit Sethi refers to these as "invisible scripts") whereby you say things like, "I could never do [that]" where that can be almost anything. Talk to anyone (myself included) who has run a marathon who is not a lifelong runner - almost anything is possible if you let yourself try.

What do you struggle with? What is holding you back?

4 years, 6 months agocas18khash posted on selfimprovement.
Jan. 14, 2015

Read this book! You'll learn so much that your life will change. It changed mine.

Grenades thrown at a mosque in Le Mans, west of Paris [R]

4 years, 6 months agohalviti posted submission on worldnews.
Jan. 8, 2015
4 years, 6 months agohalviti posted on worldnews.
Jan. 8, 2015

I do.

It's a first hand account from New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg.

He tells the story in the prologue of his book "The Power of Habit"

It's a fantastic book, and would definitely recommend it to others.

EDIT: It's the first answer in the Q&A on Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

and it looks like it was Iraq, not Egypt.. my mistake.

4 years, 6 months agoInsoluable posted submission on psychology.
Jan. 7, 2015
4 years, 6 months agoInsoluable posted on psychology.
Jan. 7, 2015

Take a look at The Power of Habit. Good book on linking Habits with Conditioning and how to influence them.

To answer your question, it is possible but difficult. If you have spend years conditioning your mind and body to react to the 'in your room chair' stimulus, then snapping out of it will require you to go into some simple conditioning exercises (sitting down there, giving yourself a cue (counting to 5) and meditating for fifteen minutes for example). Otherwise just set up shop on a different section of the house, or room, like you seem to already be doing.

Anyone else sad because he doesn't get a gf ? [R]

4 years, 6 months agoMDFrostbite posted submission on CasualConversation.
Jan. 5, 2015

Haven't had a girlfriend in years... Feels bad man

4 years, 6 months agoMDFrostbite posted on CasualConversation.
Jan. 5, 2015

from /u/iGotRocks

>Your value system says, "If this girl likes me, I like me."

>Your value system should say, "I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can't be helped, and you can't control other people. If other people don't like me, it's okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I'm interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn't want me, it's okay, I'll go on to the next one."

>There's something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don't feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you're doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough--ever.

>Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.

>Say to yourself, "I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent." Meaning, you don't rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad--that's reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl--and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can't control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.

>It's hard to change. It's hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It's hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too--and as you can see, it's not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you. You're not exactly broken, what's broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, "hey, if that chick rejects you, you're not shit."

>OR

>Would you say, "Dude, she's just one chick. And truth, you don't know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever--maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world's problems, you don't know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn't wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better."

>I know which best friend I like better. Be your own best friend, always. That's the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.

>Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn't looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.

>Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine): http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/ijustdontcareabout_myself/

>Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons--very important don't skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual--I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one: http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/vz458/selfdisciplinein10dayshowtogofromthinking/

>Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started--You have to want it, really, really want it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM_7j6t9IyU

>I also suggest "The Power of Habit": http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1414954061&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

>I'll give you the important thing about it, in case you can't buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you're not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them. Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.

>Example:

>Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can't they like me... Reward: I feel like shit. However, if you don't press the cue/trigger--you're way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I'm tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops--

>Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being "weird" in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety. All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit. As you can see, not all rewards are positive--that's why it's important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you'll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily--usually, if you're past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.

>Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, "Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward." Think about it like this, would you rather: A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting. OR B. Hurt because you're changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now? It'll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you'll be better if you stick with it. You'll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That's the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I've only been doing this for a few months--but dealing with me has changed everything around me.

It's that time of year again...New Year's resolutions [R]

4 years, 6 months agobullmoose_atx posted submission on CFBOffTopic.
Dec. 31, 2014

First off I hope that everyone has had a great couple of past weeks during the holiday season. Now that New Year's Eve is upon us and we are about to enter a New Year it is time for a classic; what are y'all's New Year's resolutions? Me personally I'm going to try to gain some weight (preferably muscle) as I'm 6' 165 Ibs. It's probably going to help that one of my roommates is a gym rat so there will be plenty of opportunities to go to the gym and let those weights know what's up.

4 years, 6 months agobullmoose_atx posted on CFBOffTopic.
Dec. 31, 2014

You sound like me. Here are some helpful resources I've found on reddit and elsewhere. Obviously, this is just my personal list so please ignore anything you don't think will help you.

Self-improvement subs: like most subs, there is a lot of junk but sorting by best all time/year/month leads to some good articles and posts.

  • /r/DecidingToBeBetter
  • /r/selfimprovement

Self improvement books

Fitness Subs

  • /r/Fitness - a mixed bag if you're not focused on body building but there are good posts that are applicable to a variety of fitness goals in there.
  • /r/loseit - good sub for motivation. Average redditors making amazing progress.
  • /r/bodyweightfitness - a good resource if you want to spend time working out at home but don't have a bunch of equipment.
  • /r/crossfit - this one is more controversial but it is something I personally enjoy. I believe in the idea that the best workout is the one you will actually do.

Fitness App (free)

  • Myfitnesspal - an excellent tool for tracking calories and macros (carbs, fat, protein).
  • Jefit - A resource for logging and tracking workouts. I just started this one but a lot of people use it.
  • Chains - this is a great app for any habit you are trying to create/break including fitness habits. Simple Example - if you are trying to drink more water, add a chain each day you drink 8 glasses. It allows you to visualize a habit being formed or broken.

Sites You Might Find Helpful

  • skillsyouneed - includes life and personal skills.
  • Artofmanliness - apologies if you are not male but this is also an excellent resource for personal skills.

16 years old and 280 lbs, where should I start. [R]

4 years, 6 months agoDec. 30, 2014

[deleted]

4 years, 6 months ago[deleted] posted on Fitness.
Dec. 30, 2014

Get rid of as much sugar as possible. DON'T eat "low fat" "no fat" or other similarly labeled foods... they just contain more chemicals than anything, thus making you crave more food. Do some research on the fruits and vegetables that contain protein, you'll be amazed. Don't kill me for the Armstrong link, but it's the best I could find Carbs before, protein after.

Create some sort of system that creates a habit. This book is amazing The gist: There's a stimulus, action, then reward. Keep the stimulus, change the action, and still reap a reward. Example: You eat a cookie every afternoon at 3pm because you need a break. Think about the cookie, go grab a glass of water or chat with your coworkers, and you've still got your break. After many repetitions, you've got a brand new habit and haven't had to ban all the cookies from existence.

And then, you know, what everyone else said :) Good luck!

What motivates you to keep running? [R]

4 years, 7 months agoSpectralblr posted submission on running.
Dec. 17, 2014
4 years, 7 months agoSpectralblr posted on running.
Dec. 17, 2014

I'd suggest reading a bit about how habits are formed and maintained. This is a good book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X

People will give all sorts of things they like or don't like about their habits, but on a fundamental level, continuing a habit isn't about motivation. It'd take more conscious effort for me to stop running than to continue.

How to stop compulsive skin biting? (Inside of cheeks and lips) [R]

4 years, 7 months agoDec. 14, 2014

For several months, I have been biting the skin off the insides of my cheeks, without realizing it, to the point of soreness and bleeding. I do it in order to remove irregularities in my skin, yet the biting creates even more irregularities, and so the cycle continues. The skin inside my mouth is always rough now because of it. When I make a conscious effort to stop, I subconsciously switch to biting the skin off my lips instead. I can make myself stop when I think about it, but when I concentrate on other tasks, I go right back to the biting. On a similar note, though less often, I scratch and tear sores on my arms, legs, and fingers without realizing. I'm worried that something bad could happen from this constant tearing of skin. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How can I stop?

4 years, 7 months agodavesfakeaccount posted on Anxiety.
Dec. 14, 2014

I have no advice :( but I just wanted to say, I suffer from the same thing. Cheek, Lip, scratching and picking scabs, and have for a looooong time (almost 20 years?). I guess the most helpful thing I can say is that it hasn't killed me yet (and other than some scars, I've never gotten an infection or anything bad).

I will share what I've found so far, hopefully it helps. It would be great to see others post about this too. I'm not sure if this is Dermatophagia, or just closely related to it. Have a look at the wikipedia article. Wikipedia states that this is a type of impulse control disorder, which I find very interesting, as I also suffer from another impulse control disorder - compulsive spending/debting (not an official diagnosis, because I don't see much benefit in getting one). I would also suggest reading the wikipedia impulse control disorder page.

I also found The power of habit fascinating, because it talks a lot about people's compulsions, and hints at actual causes and possible treatments in the future. Also, 'talk to a therapist' is always a good idea, although I haven't done that yet.

Am I the outlier here? [R]

4 years, 7 months agoGet_Low posted submission on xxfitness.
Nov. 26, 2014

Listen ladies, I love this sub for the same reasons you do and I'm glad we're all so supportive of each other but is there such thing as too supportive?

Maybe I'm completely off base here, but hear me out. I've noticed an increase of posts along the lines of "don't count calories, just listen to your body!", "the trainer hurt my feelings", "the gym intimidates me".

Now, I have nothing against these posts or the people who posts them, in fact I would encourage these posts. This sub is all about posting our concerns/questions and seeking advice/leadership from the community. My issue lies with the overwhelming responses.

Trainer hurt your feelings? He's obviously a scumbag who was likely hired with no education and is just trying to sell you shit.

The gym intimidates you? Avoid the issue all together by going to a ladies only gym!

Losing weight/strength training is hard? Listen to your body! Eat what you crave! Don't push yourself too hard!

I don't know. Maybe I'm the outlier here and I'm interested in hearing other opinions, but does anyone else think maybe we coddle each other too much?

I mean, losing weight and strength training is fucking hard. That's the point. If it was easy, we would be breaking personal records everyday. It's hard and that's the point. Sugar coating it isn't doing anyone any favours? Maybe the guy hired to coach people for a living knows more about the situation than the lady who walked into the gym and squatted for the first time in her life?

I don't know. I could be completely wrong. Thoughts?

Edit: These comments are awesome. Keep 'em coming.. I just wanted to say this thread motivated me to push extra hard today and I achieved a new PR! Itwashard.

4 years, 7 months agoGet_Low posted on xxfitness.
Nov. 28, 2014

I read this book called The Power of Habbit by Charles Duhigg. It talks about triggers that lead to habits and then rewards. So if you follow the same routine every time, your cue might be lacing up your shoes, that leads you to the habit of exercising and then I don't know the reward you have is.

It was an incredibly fascinating book and extremely well written; I highly recommend it.

This is from his website and summarizes some of the stuff in his book: http://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/

What's the best book you've read about changing bad habits? [R]

4 years, 7 months agoredpanda_phantomette posted submission on books.
Nov. 24, 2014

Looking to make some big changes but nothing has been helpful so far... Want to wake up earlier, stop procrastinating, and do more of the things I say I want to do... Open to suggestions

4 years, 7 months agoredpanda_phantomette posted on books.
Nov. 24, 2014

I really liked The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It has some excellent case studies that look at businesses as well as individuals, and examine how habits work, how they get into your brain, and what techniques you can use to change them.

Where to start fixing dependence on quick dopamine release behaviors? [NeedAdvice] [R]

4 years, 8 months agoKalikoenig posted submission on getdisciplined.
Nov. 17, 2014

In short, my whole life I've been addicted to happy chemicals. Luckily, no drug dependency or anything like that, but everything else under the sun, including the following: PMO, cigarettes, video games, procrastination, web surfing, etc. I want to encourage myself to focus on long term achievement as a source of happiness rather than these easy quick-fix behaviors. Where do I start to encourage my brain to focus on long term achievements? FWIW I have quit video games for a couple of years now, and that has seemed to help. Also tried to quit cigs, but I always seem to slip back into the same habits. Thanks.

4 years, 8 months agoKalikoenig posted on getdisciplined.
Nov. 17, 2014

as a former heroin addict... Seeing people do drugs usually makes me wanna do drugs. [R]

4 years, 8 months agoi_Got_Rocks posted submission on AdviceAnimals.
Nov. 9, 2014
4 years, 8 months agoi_Got_Rocks posted on AdviceAnimals.
Nov. 9, 2014

It's about habits, man.

You have a cue, process, reward for all habits.

Drug habits are harddddddd habits. So, sometimes, the slightest cue makes your brain literally drag you to the follow-through.

Something simple as seeing someone else push their cues pushes you too. The key is to change the cue, change the process, or the reward. It's a long process because.

You can only change habits--you can't "quit" them. Specially if you formed them over a long time. That's why relapse occurs--the habit was halted, but not changed; much like riding a bike is a habit that you pull out when necessary, and your body takes over when you start pedaling (the cue).

I suggest "The Power of Habit" for greater detail.

Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1415578782&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

[NeedAdvice] I'm not operating at 100% potential. [R]

4 years, 8 months agoKalikoenig posted submission on getdisciplined.
Nov. 6, 2014

I smoke way too much. I just love getting that first high of the day in, it feels fantastic. My social life is staying afloat but only just. I'm in college and I feel like I should be making more of the best years of my life. I'm going on a date here and there, but I'm not seeing or approaching girls enough. I work during the weekends so I can't really party with everyone.

Not too many people actively try to hang out with me. Much more than before, considering my past of shyness, depression and awkwardness. You can't escape the past, but I hope to undo a lot of it.

I'm going to the gym, pushing myself to talk to people sometimes... and that's about it. Most of my time I'm stuck in my college dorm and due to boredom, usually succumb to smoking pot, which I KNOW is not doing me any favors.

I'm not sure what to do or where to go though. I CAN discipline and motivate myself, I've done it before and I can do it again. But I'm not sure where or how to do it right now.

4 years, 8 months agoKalikoenig posted on getdisciplined.
Nov. 6, 2014

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081298160X/ref=ohauidetailpageo00s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Buy this book about habits. Read reviews and opinions. It'll be worth the $9.00.

HTNGAF about the girl I like hooking up with another guy? [R]

4 years, 8 months agoNov. 1, 2014

[removed]

4 years, 8 months agoi_Got_Rocks posted on howtonotgiveafuck.
Nov. 1, 2014

Your value system says, "If this girl likes me, I like me."

Your value system should say, "I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can't be helped, and you can't control other people. If other people don't like me, it's okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I'm interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn't want me, it's okay, I'll go on to the next one."

There's something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don't feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you're doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough--ever.

Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.

Say to yourself, "I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent." Meaning, you don't rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad--that's reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl--and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can't control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.

It's hard to change. It's hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It's hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too--and as you can see, it's not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you.

You're not exactly broken, what's broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, "hey, if that chick rejects you, you're not shit." O

OR

Would you say, "Dude, she's just one chick. And truth, you don't know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever--maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world's problems, you don't know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn't wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better."

I know which best friend I like better.

Be your own best friend, always. That's the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.

Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn't looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.

Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine): http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/ijustdontcareabout_myself/

Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons--very important don't skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual--I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one: http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/vz458/selfdisciplinein10dayshowtogofromthinking/

Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started--You have to want it, really, really want it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM_7j6t9IyU

I also suggest "The Power of Habit": http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1414954061&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

I'll give you the important thing about it, in case you can't buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you're not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them.

Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.

Example:

Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can't they like me... Reward: I feel like shit.

However, if you don't press the cue/trigger--you're way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I'm tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops--

Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being "weird" in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety.

All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit.

As you can see, not all rewards are positive--that's why it's important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you'll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily--usually, if you're past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.

Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, "Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward." Think about it like this, would you rather:

A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting.

OR

B. Hurt because you're changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now?

It'll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you'll be better if you stick with it.

You'll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That's the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I've only been doing this for a few months--but dealing with me has changed everything around me.

[Question] How do I make my space conducive to work and productivity? Is it a mental/physical thing? [R]

4 years, 8 months agoOct. 26, 2014

[deleted]

4 years, 8 months agoaiccia posted on getdisciplined.
Oct. 26, 2014

I recently discovered that auto-hiding the taskbar helps a lot by removing all the distracting icons from my field of view.

I've also read some books on habits and something as simple as seeing a chrome or firefox icon can subconsciously trigger a desire or even a craving to visit a website that you find rewarding.

Also I actually completely disagree about the benefits of the pomodoro system(I've tried it several times also) because it creates a distracting environment because you're now constantly checking it, wondering how much time you have left. Also the pomodoro system cements the rewarding behavior of checking internet, ect whatever you do when you procrastinate by offering you these consistent 5 minute breaks.

Your true goal should be to find your work rewarding itself, to the point where you don't want a break.

So auto-hiding the taskbar also solves that problem of constantly checking the time by getting rid of your clock. Don't think about time, just try to get lost in whatever you need to do. Forget about the outside world. that is the goal. Anything that reminds you about the outside world is a distraction.

In regards to stopping bad habits and creating good habits, the one book I cannot recommend enough is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It can change your life.

[Meta] This Subreddit is Becoming a Mire [R]

4 years, 8 months agodarien_gap posted submission on IWantToLearn.
Oct. 24, 2014

I used to like to come on here and see what people aspired to do, maybe pick up a few tips, resources and maybe even add a little to the discussion. But lately I've found that a lot of the posts are very repetetive, and highly unrealistic at times.

I suppose what I find disheartening is that I find that I can answer to so many IWTLs with one word: Practice!

You want to be ambidextrous? PRACTICE! You want to be more social? PRACTICE! You want to learn to paint, draw, sculpt? PRACTICE! You want to be able to run a mile without getting out of breath? PRACTICE!

Now, I'm all for this subreddit, but these posts which aim to achieve almost nothing just bog down the new queue to the point where people who might actually have some insight would have given up after the tenth page! It has become less of 'I Want to Learn' and more 'I want to be good at something without putting the work in', but IWTBGASWPTWI doesn't have the same ring to it (though, if someone was to make that subreddit, I would happily stumble upon it one day).

So please, before you post, just ask yourself one thing before you post... Is the answer practice?

4 years, 8 months agodarien_gap posted on IWantToLearn.
Oct. 25, 2014

Yes, I see. Fair enough.

Try these:

/r/mentat (disclaimer: I'm a mod. And the only person who posts. :))

and

The Power of Habit

and

The Talent Code

Is there a certain way to make a schedule that's more effective than others for someone who has ADHD? [R]

4 years, 9 months agoOct. 18, 2014

[deleted]

4 years, 9 months agotheycallmescope posted on ADHD.
Oct. 22, 2014

I highly recommend checking out this book. It really helps you to think about habits in a completely different way, which can be very helpful for new routines or new schedules.

How do you stay motivated? [R]

4 years, 10 months agoSept. 3, 2014

[deleted]

4 years, 10 months agoSeismic_Keyan posted on bjj.
Sept. 3, 2014

Are there other things in your life you feel this same way about? Do you lack motivation for other daily activities you would normally enjoy?

> I also suffer from depression since last year. I dont have motivation for anything anymore.

This was a huge red flag for me.

I hope you take no offense - but sometimes seeking therapy or medication to help create a platform for you to boost yourself up and get back onto your own feet can be a great help.

I don't mean to pry, or to offend - but I've been there. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to you or just an ear

Edit: After looking at some of your other posts I see that BJJ was a relief from your depression, but it seems it has once more crept up on you. If you have the time and patience, try picking up The Power of Habit. It is an easy read and I found it to be an immense help.

[NeedAdvice] Looking for daily habit books [R]

4 years, 10 months agocallmejay posted submission on getdisciplined.
Aug. 31, 2014

I know there's already a flood of threads looking for books, but anyway...

I'm looking only for books that focus on doing the same thing everyday until it becomes habit

4 years, 10 months agocallmejay posted on getdisciplined.
Aug. 31, 2014

What are some general fuck-ups I can avoid at my first full-time job? [R]

4 years, 10 months agoRocksteady2R posted submission on AskMen.
Aug. 24, 2014

Some potentially helpful details: I'm only 18 and was hired for a sales rep position at a vapor lounge. I'm two days in and open to some experiences and input.

4 years, 10 months agoRocksteady2R posted on AskMen.
Aug. 25, 2014

In no particular order:

  • Do the work you were hired for. Learn the way they're teaching you. Once you know in detail how they operate, where the faults and strengths are, that is when you start suggesting how to make changes. But you've got to have that experience first.

  • Complain Up, not Down or Around (i.e. don't complain to your subordinates, nor to your peers). Don't complain to your co-workers. gather your data, develop your argument, and go to the right person. I've seen lots of half-decent workers lose serioius ground because they are constant whiners, and constantly whining to the wrong people.

  • Your work is critical to the success of the entire company. Treat it like that, do it right, and do it well, and it will pay off as it shows through. I wouldn't pay you to do work I didn't need done, even if it seems a bit like busy-work. sometimes cleaning out the stash of busy-work is the single most useful thing a person can do for the other 50 people in the company. Loose ends bog us down.

  • Make a habit of asking good questions. This means you have to learn the subject matter so well that you know what a good question is. it means you have to have insight from other peoples roles. It is one of the joys in my day when I hear one of my people ask me a really excellent question.

  • Try new personal habits. Learn how you learn. Learn how you act. Learn what processes get you the best work done. Learn what motivates you. Learn what you want out of the job. There are a scad of good "business" books that discuss things like this. My current favorite is this.

  • Don't stop learning. Even when you get all the certifications, all the credits, all the merits. I'll assume you choose the industry in you're in, so keep on learning about it. learn it on all levels. Get a hold of the industry rags (a lot of them are free, or fairly cheap), and read them over lunch, no matter how dry and bland they are. I heard something once fairly recently, I have no idea how true it is, so take it with a grain of salt. "an hour of subject matter reading a day will make you an world leading industry expert within 10 years." Who knows. What I do know is that every person in my field whom I respect the shit out of is a constant absorber of the information.

Good Luck!

Im a 16 year old who has just crossed over to 300 lbs. Its time to make a change, but i need your help. [R]

4 years, 10 months agoRocksteady2R posted submission on Fitness.
Aug. 24, 2014

Hey everyone, so yesterday when i stepped on the scale, i was 301.0 pounds. I almost collapsed and cried, this is fucked up, i can't belive i did this to my self. I tried to talk to my mom about this, but she's so blind to the fact that she has an obese child, that she doesn't even want to help.

I did some research on nutrition, but i don't think that i'll be able to keep on a diet at this moment, since i am literally addicted to sugar. I can't go an hour without thinking about munching down on some snickers or doritos.

Im not scared of lifting weights, im not scared of the gym, im scared of myself.

My question to you is, how can you train your self-discipline? My lack of discipline is what got me here in the first place, but i just don't know how to train it.

Do you guys have any suggestions?

Edit: Holy crap, thanks for all of the responses, ill try to answer all of them, the reason why i was so inactive was because i was visiting the local gym for the first time!

4 years, 10 months agoRocksteady2R posted on Fitness.
Aug. 24, 2014

I've been reading through this book, it puts together a lot of different puzzle pieces.

The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg

It may or may not be entirely helpful to you, but it, like I said, might put together a few puzzle pieces for you, and I'd bet it'd be worth the effort.

Good Luck!

I'm gonna become a "doer" [R]

4 years, 11 months agoRocksteady2R posted submission on selfimprovement.
Aug. 15, 2014

I don't really have any reason to post this and i hope it wont count as spam. But i just wan't to post this somewhere to make it official for my self. Right now, right at this f'cking instant - i'm gonna become a "doer". Whatever it is that has to be done, i'm just gonna deal with it straight away.. No more excessive procrastination. just bite the bullet and deal with it no matter how bad the anxiety is. I'm hoping if i endure for a while, it will start getting easier and easier, sort of like mental training.. I also feel like if i manage to apply this one characteristic, everything else in my life that i see as a problem right now will fall in to place (social anxieties, taking care of my health, finding the girl of my life etc etc all off that good stuff).. So here goes. new chapter starts NOW!

4 years, 11 months agoRocksteady2R posted on selfimprovement.
Aug. 16, 2014

two thoughts come to mind:

a) My best progress is made when I do it. I stopped talking about what I'm going to do, and just started doing it. You've got your own chemistry going on, so you get to write your own destiny here, but be aware that for some folks, talking about it is the demise that starts the inaction.

B) I've also had incredible progress assigning a reward cycle to my doing. after I've eaten the proverbial frog, or done something on my goal list, I take a few seconds to appreciate it and congratulate myself on it. It seems a bit silly and conceited to hear me say it this way, but it helps.

One of the issues with bad habits is that they are habits. so we have to find a cycle to replace them. and working with the brain chemistry is no doubt a feasible path. it helps replace the satisfaction we find in procrastination (and yes, there is a satisfaction in procrastination), with the satisfaction in "doing". and giving your brain the chemical boost from a personal "job well done".

Reform your habits.

Good Luck!

(also: This book is a good start to the idea. it's been critical in helping me piece together the nuggets I've been working with.)

[Serious] What is your best tip/method for forming new routines and breaking bad habits? [R]

4 years, 11 months agoBlueValentines posted submission on AskReddit.
Aug. 12, 2014
4 years, 11 months agoBlueValentines posted on AskReddit.
Aug. 12, 2014

For anyone interested in this, I strongly recommend reading the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Fascinating stories and analysis of the role habit plays in our lives, and advice on how to use them to your advantage. Amazon Link

Check-In Saturday (August 2, 2014) [R]

4 years, 11 months agothefaith1029 posted submission on schizoaffective.
Aug. 2, 2014

Check-in Saturday is a weekly topic encouraging community members to check in with how they are doing in a judgment free environment.

Anyone can start a Check-in Saturday, just please put the date in the title and try to include a link to the previous week's thread.

Previous week's check-in

4 years, 11 months agothefaith1029 posted on schizoaffective.
Aug. 2, 2014

I'm glad you are taking charge with your medications. I really hope the shot helps. Are you in any kind of therapy or counseling co-coinciding? I think that could help you too. I really believe in being able to change your though patters and break old habits and make new ones. I know this is a simplified explanation of what is going on with you but maybe this book could benefit you in some way in terms of how you might be thinking about things and viewing them. Ignore the business part of the book, just focus on the life part.

I posted a few days ago about quitting drinking in preparation for semester, and now I want to update. [R]

4 years, 12 months agoJuly 24, 2014

The post was here: http://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/2b5qmk/was_diagnosed_almost_a_year_ago_and_in_the/

So, today is the sixth sober day. In that post I also mentioned quitting coffee, but I fell off that wagon because there were several sleepless nights after my last drink so I figured, if I have to choose between the two, I'd let coffee back into my life to help me function through this initial few weeks of sobriety...

So, yeah, it has been a struggle. My primary motivation to continue was the very strong desire to never have to experience days like those ever again... My psychiatrist, being informed of the changes I am making, gave me something to help me sleep through the beginning to use in conjunction with a "relaxation routine" that I will use to train myself to go to sleep at a certain time.

So even though it isn't as good or as long as a real nights sleep, today I felt good enough to go to the gym and I have to say, I had an amazing moment driving home. I felt in control... It was a brand new feeling I have never had, because I never had anything to compare it to I guess. But, relative to how I felt at that moment, I was able to see that every single decision I have ever made was made on impulse. Relationships start with an impulse, and continue because I refused to admit I was just talking out of my ass the whole time... Every phone call, every text, every job I've quit, every dollar I spend... relative to that moment, I realized I was never actually in the driver's seat, I was just letting things happen on auto-pilot.

It was amazing. I thought about this trainwreck of a girl I have been fighting the urge to text lately, and I knew at that moment that it will never happen because I am deciding not to let that mess into my life. I thought about my amazon shopping cart, and how full it is of shit I decided at that moment would just clutter up my shelves and be a waste of money.

I don't even know how to describe it. I've been drinking since 16, throughout my adult life... I'm 29 now, and for the first time, just for the briefest possible moment, I felt like an adult. Like my feet were firmly planted in the ground (this is a metaphor, I was driving) and the strongest wind ever wouldn't budge me for a moment.

So, by way of an update, I am going to continue this fight because I want that feeling to be the norm for me. It is the standard I have now set in my brain for the mindset that I should have, if I am to continue to call myself a man. Anyway, thanks for reading!

4 years, 11 months agogwhlives posted on ADHD.
July 25, 2014

So I guess for me the first step was just sort of coming to an understanding that drinking really isn't adding anything, but that it is taking so much away... and just listing all of those things, like verbally or in pen or something, because what happens is you realize how often you are making the same stupid mistakes... Like once you have said it allowed or written it down, every time it happens you have to acknowledge that it also happened yesterday, and the day before, and it was really bad the time before that... It was just getting exhausting.

So I just was getting so tired of it, like it sounds like you are, so I set a date. Didn't make any changes in the mean time, was still drinking, still saying yes every time somebody asked me if I wanted to go out, still kept doing the "just one more" dance, carried on with the daily hangovers etc... but I had my date set and for a full month it got to the point where I just couldn't wait to reach the date, I was so ready for it.

In the interim, I read a couple of books about neuroplasticity and habit formation that I found really helpful. If you only read one book, my suggestion would be The Power of Habit, but I also read Rewire Your Brain which was also super helpful, and I just ordered "The easy way to stop drinking" which is linked in the sidebar at /r/stopdrinking, so we'll see what that has to say.

So I guess what I have been doing is really just focusing on the positives, because I was just getting so so tired of the bullshit and I had this image in my head of what I want my life to be like when I get to a point where the urge to drink isn't constantly in my head. So, with a several page long list in hand of all the little triggers, and a really really really long list of reasons why I wanted to do this in case I forget, the day finally came and so I told my family what I was doing, and decided to start working on all the things I was excited about, like books and hobbies and stuff. Apart from the hangover that day I was pretty excited...

Unfortunately, it didn't go well to start because I didn't sleep a wink for days, so I was in really, reeeeally bad shape, but truthfully I had prepped my head for enough time that the desire to go back just so I could get some sleep wasn't unmanageable, especially because I know that if I drank I'd just have to go through the bullshit all over again... So now it's been almost a week, I'm kinda starting to function again normally, and I'm feeling so much better than I have in a very long time already, even though I still haven't slept well still... I also went to buy coffee yesterday and I thought "I better check my checking account balance, I don't want my card to get declined here AGAIN..." and I was pretty shocked to see I had $80 in there, that never happens by this time of month... So I'm just focusing on these awesome little changes as much as I can, every positive little change or occurrence I make a point of paying attention to so that I don't lose momentum...

Also, posting at /r/stopdrinking every day has been super helpful because my brain is running like 1000 miles per hour faster than usual, so it is super helpful just unload there, and somebody responds every time within minutes.

LPT: Quitting a habit [R]

5 years agoThe_other_juice posted submission on LifeProTips.
July 16, 2014

I recently stumbled across this article and it's really impacted me. For 20+ years I have been a serious nailbiter. Like any other habit (ex. smoking, drinking, gambling), I've tried all the ways to stop.

In a quick summary of the article, the author recommends to change your password to something that will remind you at all points of the day to stop your habit. For me, mine is [email protected] (not the password to this account ;) ). I enter this password for work, school, my computer, everything.

Two weeks I've gone with this constantly on my mind and I'm really seeing improvements. 20+ years of damage doesn't heal right away but I'm really excited to see how well its been going. I haven't seen this article posted to Reddit yet so I thought I would share it with you guys and hopefully improve certain aspects of your lives!

EDIT: A lot of comments are about password security. I will stress that this is certainly not a good tip for bank password and such. This is more about something you enter a password for everyday, such as a computer login that doesn't contain highly sensitive information for work or something. As someone who is in this situation, yes I find this secure enough for the things I use it on.

EDIT 2: There is some negativity about that fact that I've compared nailbiting to things like smoking and drinking. Maybe nailbiting doesn't share the same long term effects as things like those, but it doesn't mean I want to stop biting any less than an alcoholic wants to stop drinking. It became a serious problem for me when I started attacking the nail bed and skin around my nails. To constantly have open cuts really sucks and you would think it would be enough to make me stop, but I just kept going.

EDIT 3: To my fellow nailbiters, /u/fyrilin pointed out /r/calmhands, a cool subreddit to check out. Seeing other people's progress is pretty cool and may inspire you to finally quit your habit! Last edit I swear :O

5 years agoThe_other_juice posted on LifeProTips.
July 17, 2014

You might consider reading 'The Power of Habit'. I recently started reading this and it has some interesting information on how the brain forms and executes habits as well as giving some advice on how to change them.

Or if you don't want to read the book you might consider searching "habit loop" on the internet and getting your learn on that way.

Why do I do this to myself? [R]

5 years ago[deleted] posted submission on seduction.
July 15, 2014

Long time lurker first time poster, always liked the way this subreddit works with giving advice which you wouldn't dare asking friends, because you would feel embarrassed about it. ( That is how I feel anyway )

Now over the last year or so, I have had a great year. Really found who my friends are, in a good Job, In the best shape I have been in a long time and would consider myself quite confident, good looking guy. Over all I'm in a good place at the moment.

The only thing is, I have this problem of getting with some girl (any girl I have been with It) and I fall complete obsessed over her. I constantly lurking on her facebook, thinking of her, re-reading some of the texts we sharded, looking at photos of each other if online or on my phone. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this 24/7, but I would do one or more of those things instead of checking reddit or something, when I have 5-10 mins to spare.

Its fucking weird and pathetic, I know! and really want to stop doing it, cause I find I can ruin things way to early or just come off as a creep,needy or something. When in reality I would never really class myself as that in anyway way or form but when I start liking a girl at really early stage I find myself doing this and I can't help myself at times.

To be honest I feel quite embarrassed about it, and would some insight into why I do this? or how can I stop doing it? I don't want to do this any more so how can I change my mindset?

Edit: This isn't one girl, its most girls I get with. Sorry wasn't referring to one girl.

5 years ago[deleted] posted on seduction.
July 16, 2014

Look up a book called the "power of habit " The book explains why you are compelled to do everything in life, from breathing to eating etc etc. But it also explains bad habits, how they occur and how to simply break them. It comes down to a trigger, a response and a reward. You simply change the response and he explains how in a very simple way.

Check it out, works for pretty much every habit you can think of it you can isolate the correct trigger http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X

Feeling jittery [R]

5 years agopollyannapusher posted submission on stopdrinking.
July 6, 2014

I've got less than one month till I hit two years sober. I have been tempted to drink a couple of times to drink in the last week. I just have to remembered "One Day at a Time" I'm here to say that while I have doubts, my hope for a sober life out weighs them. When confronted with a trigger I think of the things I could lose, such as the love and respect of family and friends I've earned back with my sobriety. My son. He is the world to me, and I don't want him to see me like I was. He's never had to see his father drinking. Hope and determination is all I have. If anyone out there has some sound advice as to counter cravings, (other than hobbies, I have plenty) I'd love to hear from you.

5 years agopollyannapusher posted on stopdrinking.
July 7, 2014

Oh my god.... I remember all that extra time at the beginning! I was scared to just sit there, that I would end up having a craving, so I kept myself busy until I dropped into bed each night. I was pretty ritualistic about it too. As soon as I got home (when I would normally start drinking), I took the dog for a walk for about 45 minutes. Then I would make dinner and eat then then I would do ANYTHING to stay busy. Cleaned the house from top to bottom, rearranged every drawer, every closest, bathed and groomed all the animals, groomed myself, etc. At 9pm every night I would pop myself some popcorn and make some tea and settle down for the night. Same time every night.

Eventually I did marathon Netflix binges, rewatching shows I had forgotten while drinking. Then I found this place and read tons. Started going to a painting class on Mondays, AA meeting on Tuesdays, yoga on Wednesdays. Running every night when I got home from work

Rewiring our brains to have different "go-tos" when there is downtime takes time, but it happens. Check out The Power of Habit. Really interesting read that you may find helpful.

Munching on cauliflower for this craving. Our Day One is almost over!

A different kind of sobriety [R]

5 years agoJuly 3, 2014

I have tried to get sober five times; three of those five attempts were serious, two were half ass ‘I’m never drinking again’ empty promises.

This time is different. I have had no cravings, I have been turned off by alcohol, and I am making progress mentally by leaps and bounds. The question is what changed?

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, do you know why this is happening and is there a way to share it with others to help with their recovery?

I just don’t understand what made THIS attempt so different. Maybe I’ve matured or maybe I want it more, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m so early in my journey that I just haven’t had enough time I don’t know.

What I do know is that this is the first time in my life since I’ve been drinking that I want nothing to do with alcohol and am turned off by others who over indulge.

5 years agopollyannapusher posted on stopdrinking.
July 5, 2014

For me, I think it boils down to a combination of things. Hope that morphed into belief. Disgust also played a big part. And then acceptance. Read The Power of Habit. It might shed some light onto it for you. It talks about how just trying to do the right thing and failing and then trying again, but trying new things will finally stick and the new habit (being a non-drinker) will become the "go to" habit trail in our brains.

And as far as in not being able to relate now to those posts, you have one up on me to be able to help those folks. I may have acted like I wanted to quit, and knew I needed to. I did all the things up was supposed to do as a person that wanted to quit (went to IOP, got on Antabuse, went to therapy, went to AA), but I truly knew that I didn't want to. I was not committed. I was merely giving lip service to those around me. It wasn't until I actually saw people who had been in the same place I was in living real, wholehearted lives and saw it for quite some time did the seed of hope and want start to grow.

Let me ask you this: in your prior attempts to quit, did you feel like you were committed to your sobriety?

How do I explain my drinking to an alcoholic? [R]

5 years agopollyannapusher posted submission on stopdrinking.
June 21, 2014

I lost 90 pounds about 5 years ago. Hit a really rough patch last Fall (but got LOTS of crap done, divorce final, some legal stuff fixed, new job). I gained plenty of weight (about 30 pounds) and part was just eating crap and part was drinking a large glass or two -- more often two large glasses of wine every night. When I don't drink, I sleep so much better.

I want to stop all together. Here are some of the issues. I have a boyfriend that encourages me slightly. When I am stressed or tired (or even not stressed and tired) he offers to get me a glass of wine and gets it even if I say no. He is an alcoholic (hasn't had a drink in about 30 years) and I think he just doesn't get my "low level" alcoholism. I will never hit rock bottom or black out but I get a little shaky thinking about NOT drinking every night. How do I explain this to him? We went over it a few times, I got mad that he belittles the problem.

I am going on vacation next week and rarely drink on vacation (go figure) but I want a plan in place for when I get back.

5 years agopollyannapusher posted on stopdrinking.
June 21, 2014

Just tell him. Tell him exactly what you just told us. If he minimizes the issue, that's his problem not yours. If he loves and respects you, he will stop offering if you ask him to. If he doesn't, I would be wary of his intentions.

Kinda weird that an alcoholic would do something like that....like he's living vicariously through you or something. As a partner, he should support you in your quest for a better life for yourself regardless of his experience. Maybe suggest that he read The Power of Habit?

My best to you while you sort this out. Remember, the first person you should be taking care of is you. If he can't respect that....

5 years, 1 month agoJune 15, 2014

In my very new experience with being immersed in the teaching of Buddha, I like to read books on his teachings, meditation, etc. However, I am also trying to read more books as I used to in my young days and enjoy it a lot. I'm curious to what you find to be a great read, whether it is a classic novel or a short poem, that though it isn't specifically Buddhist in content, it has a wise message that could be seen as being in line with Buddha's teachings.

5 years, 1 month agoJayantha-sotp posted on Buddhism.
June 15, 2014

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid=1402876422&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit+why+we+do+what+we+do+in+life+and+business

This was a game changer for me and definitely has a connection to Buddhist practice, as after all we are attempting to put forth right effort to abandon the unskillful and abide in the skillful.

What do you replace porn with? [R]

5 years, 1 month agoLCD87 posted submission on NoFap.
May 31, 2014

I need to replace this bad habbit with good habbits, I know we all do, so let me hear the things you replace it with.

So far I have: - reading - daytasks (cleaning etc.) - learning a new language - volunteer work - Meditating - Making furniture to sell - read, watch and hear motivational things - workout (jogging, homework out, gym)

Let me know what you want to add!

5 years, 1 month agoLCD87 posted on NoFap.
May 31, 2014

Well since you read I recommend checking out this book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X "The Power of Habit" By Charles Duhigg. It helped me quit smoking and all the examples in the book can be related to all habits in life, including nofap.

Chains.cc is a websites and an app smartphones that has really helped me improve my good habit count. You can add such things as flossing, shaving, nail trimming, keeping track of fitness/meditation goals, hobbies, pets, studying, ect. Each time you open it up there is even a habit related quote, some of which are from The Power of Habit.

It sounds like you are on the right track already though, I am having a hard time coming up with something new for you to try. Make sure to spend time with friends and family and also cook and eat well.

In which I find out I'm the liar. [R]

5 years, 1 month agoDottimolly posted submission on loseit.
May 30, 2014

I get very frustrated when friends lie to themselves. "I eat healthy!" as they chew on their breakfast bear claw. "I don't have time to workout." Steam shows 100 hours of Skyrim played. This week. "It's hereditary. I can't do anything about it." Never tried.

I started working out with a trainer a month or so ago. I have let things go a bit after a life change and need to lose probably about 15-20 pounds. I certainly need to get stronger. Today was our first weigh in since day 1, and though I take great issue with his body fat measurement (calipers over clothing), the scale doesn't lie. It showed I had gained a pound!

I work out with him twice a week, then do a third session of strength on my own and at least three cardios a week.

Or do I... I tell him that, because he gets this proud papa look on his face when I tell him I'm doing what he asks, but every week, at least once a week, I flake on a workout. Maybe I don't feel well, or had a bad day, or bla bla excuse bla bla.

Then, I started thinking more (well, and he was grilling me because he knew I wasn't being truthful with myself.) Yeah.. I went rowing, but my HRM showed me at an average of 119bpm. I'm working on my technique right now so not really hitting it hard. Well... 119 is NOT cardio. Yeah... I went running. For like 15 minutes then decided my knee hurt and quit. Perfectly reasonable, but I sure as hell can't consider it a workout.

My diet is legit. I track everything I eat and my calories are well in line. The weight gain was probably muscle gain, but had I actually been working out as I claimed, despite muscle gain, I would have lost pounds. I've been lying to myself and him, but my body knows the truth.

Last week, a long lost friend came to town. I saw her four years ago and she had considerable extra weight. She showed up on my doorstep last weekend and looked fantastic! She wakes up early every day and works out. She also watches her food intake better. She inspired me. I have no excuses. None. She's an amazingly accomplished woman that kicked ass to lose over 100 pounds. I got 20 to lose. I have to start being honest with myself and tracking my workouts like I track my food and stop lying to myself. My body isn't fooled.

5 years, 1 month agoDottimolly posted on loseit.
May 30, 2014

> It was depressing the first half of the day and now I'm finding new motivation.

My advice for you is to forget about motivation. You can't rely on feeling motivated because that's really just an emotional state. No matter how much you're aware today of some reason to get in shape, there will inevitably come a morning where you just aren't in the mood. The Power of Habit is a great science-based book about developing habits, helped me reevaluate my exercise habits, as well as other aspects of my life.

What are some of your favorite books, useful in practising Stoicism, that are not Stoic texts? [R]

5 years, 1 month agoMay 24, 2014

[deleted]

5 years, 1 month agoComradeBrendan posted on Stoicism.
May 25, 2014

The Power of Habit Deals with the "habit loop," an idea related to reinforcement where habits tend to reinforce themselves, and offers insight based on research on how to disrupt negative habit loops (like emotion) to change for the better.

Note: I have to admit that I only read 2/3s of it before getting distracted by a science fiction novel, and long before I started reading about Stoicism.

How To stop Biting My Nails, For Good? [R]

5 years, 1 month agotomgs posted submission on howto.
May 24, 2014

I'm a 21 year old guy. I'm well accomplished in some of the "important" fields:

Career - I'm fortunate enough to begin doing what I love in just a few months. Girls - I've got a beautiful woman who loves me just a tad less than I love her. Health - I've recently shed over 16 lbs. from my weight, and en route to a better BMI

I however cannot, for my life, stop biting my nails.

I've tried anti-bite nail polish, I've tried Charles Duhigg's book, I've tried making my girlfriend shout at me whenever she saw me bite my nails.

I'm really out of ideas here. This really disturbs me, and I would like to stop ASAP, as it's becoming increasingly obvious to me that I might damage myself doing it for a long time.

Does anybody has an idea of how to stop biting my nails?

EDIT: Wow, so many comments. Thank you! The top ideas here were:

1. Bite one finger and concentrate on it, not biting your other ones in the process.

2. Keep a clipper/filer/emery board handy, to make sure you cut down any cuticles.

3. Get people to harass you about it, until you are obligated to stop.

4. Traumatize yourself by familiarizing with the long-term damage you are doing to yourself.

5. Wear gloves whenever you are in a place that causes you to start biting, like driving or while watching TV at home.

6. Use something disgusting on your fingernails to remind you to stop biting, like nail polish or....well, read on. Some people are special.

5 years, 1 month agotomgs posted on howto.
May 24, 2014

This is something right out of Charles Duhigg's book - he says that you can't really completely remove bad habits, you just have to replace them with, well - better ones. Thanks for letting me know somebody is succeeding in this:)

How to get over the laziness of not wanting to jog? [R]

5 years, 1 month agosabat posted submission on running.
May 22, 2014

I know once I'm finished with my jog I'll feel better knowing that my day wasn't completely wasted but I can't get up for the life of me.

5 years, 1 month agosabat posted on running.
May 22, 2014

Relevant (excellent book): The Power of Habit http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X

I'm looking for some advice on habit-building. [R]

5 years, 2 months agopretendcontender posted submission on ZenHabits.
May 19, 2014

Note: I've looked through the main FAQ and the GTD FAQ and couldn't find the advice I'm after. My apologies if answers are really available elsewhere; I would appreciate a nudge in the right direction.

I've attempted to build better habits many times and fallen due to a lack of habit-setting habits. But how can I establish habits if doing so requires habits itself? I read the post on the four habits of setting habits (I'd link but I'm on a phone that makes it tricky) and I'm still left with a few questions.

I've previously found a planner to be of great use in reminding me of my daily goals, but I forget to check the plan and don't get things done. Should I be building the habit of using the planner as a foundation for other habits? Does the use of a planner for daily activities as opposed to one-offs defeat the concept of a daily "habit"?

Should I try to build multiple habits simultaneously, or does this defeat the purpose of starting small?

Specific example but a general underlying question: I have no trouble brushing my teeth after every meal - the habit was established a decade ago. I do have trouble flossing though. My dentist recommended flossing nightly instead of after every meal so as not to overwhelm myself, but should I be flossing after every time I brush my teeth to set up the trigger, even if I start with just flossing one tooth?

The post recommends starting slow and building up. It gives examples of how small to start - brushing one tooth, doing three pushups -.but I don't think it mentions a rate of increase. How should I balance being rewarded for my efforts with not overreaching and getting overwhelmed?

I understand that it's not an exact science, and any answers will be based on personal anecdotes, but I appreciate any attempts to help

5 years, 2 months agopretendcontender posted on ZenHabits.
May 19, 2014

I'm currently reading The Power of Habit and it has been incredibly helpful in understanding the ways that habits are formed. I highly recommend it. It's not really a step-by-step guide on how to form better habits, but it might give you enough popular science to reflect and determine what would work best for you. The Power of Habit

Try, try again... [R]

5 years, 2 months agopollyannapusher posted submission on stopdrinking.
May 19, 2014

I wrote my wife a note this morning apologizing for ripping her a new one for running out of cigarettes (she doesn't drive for health reasons) and asking me to go out and get her some after I was "winding down for the night." Meaning I had already started drinking and didn't want to go out. I know, I'm kind of a dick.

Whenever I successfully stop drinking for a while, it usually starts with me writing something down and putting a date on it, so I can remember when I "quit." And I told her in the note it was time for me to quit again, which, as you have figured out by now, means I have quit before, yet was drinking again. Again.

So I guess I am writing this here to go public. I drink too much, and I don't like myself, and I need to stop. It hasn't affected my work yet (that's probably a lie) and I haven't hit rock-bottom (that's probably true) but I am trending in the wrong direction. I have gone years without drinking on prior "quits" (that word amuses me, talking about how many times I have quit the same thing) but only when I tell my friends and family. They don't hold me accountable in an unpleasant way, but feeling an obligation to others gives me strength. I don't seem to mind disappointing myself, but I don't like letting my kids down. Or my wife. We don't have a storybook marriage (perhaps an Augusten Burroughs storybook) but I love her. I am actually reading Mr. Burroughs' This is How right now. And a book on willpower. I am not anti-meeting but I don't plan to go; I know they are different for everyone but they fill me with shame and I feel like a failure.

My friends are a mixed bunch. They almost all drink, and when I tell them some of them say "yeah, I should cut back too" without understanding what I mean. And they all love me drunk. Because they don't go home with me, and get raked over the coals for running out of cigarettes.

I don't want to be a dick because I'm drunk. I want to make a conscious, sober decision to be a dick when the mood strikes me.

So, hi, redditors. I'm going to stop drinking now. Wish me luck.

5 years, 2 months agopollyannapusher posted on stopdrinking.
May 19, 2014

I have to say it.

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

I really liked what you said about being a dick because you choose to be a dick, not just because you're a drunk dick. if you make the choice to not drink, you give yourself that choice rather than having the drink make the choice. I was a monstrous, evil witch when I was drinking. Arrogant, grandiose, belligerent, holier than thou.. just a straight up bitch. And those were the times I could remember. And I kept drinking knowing this about myself for a very long time. Thing is, sober me isn't those things. I'm not a bitch in any way shape or form. I choose not to be.

If you like dates, don't forget to grab a badge from the sidebar on the right. It's nice to watch those numbers build up.

I would agree with others here about establishing a different group of friends if they all love you drunk. Not such a great support system there. Hit up the various types of meetings, or search meetup.com for meetups according to your interests and try some of those. If you start a friendship as a sober dude, then there are no prior expectations for you to be anything but that.

Since you are a reader, check out The Power of Habit. You might find some enlightenment there to help you along the way. And if we're talking shame, Brene Brown's TED talk about listening to shame is golden.

May the direction you are choosing to take at this fork in the road you find yourself at now take you to all the places you wish to go in this life.

90 days. Some tips for new Fapstronauts [R]

5 years, 2 months agoabove-the-clouds posted submission on NoFap.
May 13, 2014

First of all I am grateful for this community, many great men out here!

I will be brief:

Accomplishing 90 days was not easy, it was an emotional roller coaster for me, but I was prepared.

First relapse 90 days ago was very beneficial as it shown me who I really am and what MO did to me. I am a confident man now, but not cocky. I no longer have mood swings nor I feel bad about myself. I am not stuttering and to be honest people around me enjoying my company.

Tip 1. Do not give up. Relapses are bound to happen, but they are lost battles, and not a lost WAR. You can learn from them.

Tip 2. Do not be cocky when you experience "super powers". This can be very bad when you get a mood swing. With cockiness it might lead to a depression and eventual relapse.

Tip 3. Do not rely on NoFap alone. Work on yourself. Workout, interact with people, do something useful and interesting to you.

Tip 4. Get a hobby, or hobbies. These will help you carry your mind through NoFap challenge.

Tip 5. Do not give up, believe in yourself. You are a man, a warrior! PMO has nothing good to offer you!

Stay strong brothers!

5 years, 2 months agoabove-the-clouds posted on NoFap.
May 13, 2014

And read! I found Power of Habit is a good book for changing your habits!

I'm compiling a summer reading list. Read any good books recently? [R]

5 years, 2 months agoMidvic posted submission on EngineeringStudents.
May 10, 2014

I'm a rising junior studying biomedical engineering. I'd like to read a few books this summer to better myself as a student/engineer/thinker/communicator.

Do you have any suggestions? The books don't necessarily have to be related to engineering. I'm open to anything that is compelling or thought provoking.

Thanks!

5 years, 2 months agoMidvic posted on EngineeringStudents.
May 10, 2014

You're welcome! I don't really read too often, but I'm working on getting more into it. I finished Flash Boys in 3 sittings though, one of those books i just couldn't put down.

I've also just started The Power of Habit which I now realize that I wish I had read awhile ago. It's all about the neuroscience/psychology of habits and their influence on our lives.

Deliberate Practice [R]

5 years, 2 months agofappynofappyno posted submission on pornfree.
May 3, 2014

What does it take to be exceptional at something? Many would say talent, but the research seems to suggest otherwise. There isn't much of any proof for talent, but there is support for what you might call deliberate practice. Malcolm Gladwell brings up the idea of 10,000 hours of practice being the requirement to be great at something, and what have we been spending so much time on? Porn.

You could be a lot better at [insert activity], but you've been spending potential practice time on porn. If you would just fap and get it over with, it'd take a lot less time, but no, you're collecting and viewing and cataloging this shit day after day.

On a different note, I read an Amazon.com comment that suggests high-quality coaching and family support also go a long way in making extraordinary people.

Deliberate practice is draining. You've got to find something related to [insert activity] you're bad at, and then develop a routine for making it better. You can play or perform at your plateau level a million times, and you won't improve at all. I used to play football so much as a kid, but I never got any better after reaching middle school. Sometimes I played 3 times per day, but I never got better because I didn't practice doing anything specific that would've made me better.

I wonder if porn has any connection to music being so bad these days. Instead of having musicians that studied and practiced as much as they could, they're spending a lot of time on porn instead. Yes, some rock stars are whacked out on drugs and banging all the chicks they want, but that's after they reached the top of their game. Just speculating now.

5 years, 2 months agofappynofappyno posted on pornfree.
May 6, 2014

here

Stickiness is making most of music into boring, predictable crap.

That was quick. [R]

5 years, 2 months agoMay 4, 2014

The first time I quit I went 90 something days, the second 137, the third - 8.

I was helping a buddy with landscaping and cleaning his house. Digging trenches, climbing ladders, removing bushes - the works.

I'm busting my ass when he throws me a beer and says take a break. I say thanks, open it up and it's half gone before I even realize what the hell I've just done. With the streak broken, I drank a few more last night.

I sent the message for the badge reset and I just realized that I have the habit of drinking so ingrained in my mind that I was able to drink a beer before realizing that I no longer drink beer.

I'm pretty disappointed in my lack of self discipline and realize that it isn't going to be as 'easy' as I had thought. I always recommend having a game-plan on here and my new game-plan will include letting my friends know that I'm no longer drinking. I had avoided telling them this last attempt as I didn't want to until I had a month or so under my belt. I wanted to avoid the 'here we go again' attitude after I say I've gone a week sober.

Stay Strong and Stay Sober

5 years, 2 months agopollyannapusher posted on stopdrinking.
May 4, 2014

I've heard of other people who walk into a store, go to the refrigerator case, open it, reach in and grab whatever poison they normally would, grab and walk to the checkout counter without even realizing what they have just done. That is how powerful habits are. In The Power if Habit there is a story of a gentleman who lost use of all his memory...short-term and otherwise. The place where memories are stored was just GONE. But somehow, when he would wander away from his house, he was able to find his way home again...just from the part of the brain where habits are formed.

I would highly recommend picking up a copy of this book to learn more about how habits are formed and how they can be not exactly broken, but how to learn new ones in their place.

Glad to see you back on the saddle with a new plan in place. If we first don't succeed, try, try again. Sometimes that's what it takes for the new habit to finally get ingrained into our psyche. That said, that you went ahead and drank after realizing what you had done was not a product of habit, but a conscious choice on your part.

Be well brother.

I hate what I've become. [R]

5 years, 2 months agoCb9000 posted submission on offmychest.
April 29, 2014

I'm trying to come to terms with what a failure I am. I hate myself, and what I do.

  • I have a porn habit that I've been trying to kick, but can't bring myself to actually stop. I try to justify my actions to myself by claiming that it's OK if I view what's saved on my computer, and don't go to access more on the internet.

  • I can't motivate myself to do anything anymore. All I want to do is sit at my computer and browse the internet, or play computer games. I don't care if there is a massive test tomorrow, I'd rather just sit and read.

  • My procrastination is horrible. I should do this now, but why? I still have until next week. It just continues over and over, but I can't make myself stop because it's worked so well in the past. I know that someday it will catch up to me and bite me in the ass, but I still don't want to put forth the effort to do stuff early.

  • I don't like to ask for help. I've has times where I won't understand something, but instead of seeking help, I just silently sit back, and wait to fuck up.

  • I have issues interacting with people that I don't know well. Often it's people I'd like to get to know better, but if I go talk to them, I always start to feel like an idiot, so I back off, and distance myself from them. I'm fairly certain doing this makes me look like a massive asshole, because it looks like I'm ignoring them. Sometimes I feel like it would be easiest to just shut myself off from everyone I know.

  • Try as I might, I'm can't find something I'm good at. I'm mediocre at plenty, but mediocrity won't get me anywhere in life. There's so much that I would like to do, but then I remind myself that "whoa, wait, you can't do that, remember, you tried that once, you sucked at it."

  • Sometimes I through posts about other people's live, and think to my self "at least I don't have that many problems." but deep down I know that is a lie. I may not have problems of the same caliber, but I'm still plenty messed up.

Sorry for that, I just needed to get that out of my system. If you read that, thank you for taking the time. Have a nice day.

EDIT: Thank you all for your reply's, and the advice. It's nice to know that there are others out there who have been through these struggles too.

EDIT 2: Also, sorry if my replies come across as a little vague, I truly appreciate all the advice and support, I just have a hard time putting that into writing. Thanks again!

5 years, 2 months agoCb9000 posted on offmychest.
April 30, 2014

Look, this may not be what you are looking to hear, but you should check out SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I can relate to everything you are saying. Maybe you are a sex addict and maybe you aren't, but going to a meeting (you don't even have to talk) will show you there are others who can relate to everything you described.

I'm 45 and I've been struggling with this crap forever. I've tried everything; therapists, self help books and tapes, hypnosis, NLP, seminars and plain old white knuckle self control (ultimately the least effective- I've had some wild binge and purge cycles). Getting around people who know what you are going through from their personal experience AND WHO ARE IN RECOVERY is really the only thing that works.

I guarantee that at least half of the problems you listed are due to the fact that you know you are not living a satisfying, meaningful life. It really is true that you can run, but you can't hide - the bad feelings, procrastination, etc... is all about you knowing the truth about yourself and that truth is that you have something inside you that is valuable, unique and worthwhile, and you don't know how to get there from where you are right now. Being able to share yourself with others who get you without your having to explain (or defend) every little detail and who are also on the right path is like a fucking miracle.

I'm recommending SAA because everything you said is soooo familiar. Like I said, I'm 45 and I started with this shit sometime between preschool and kindergarten. It has affected EVERY aspect of my life and one of the things I think about these days are all the things that could have been.

I'm guessing you are probably still fairly young (teens or twenties?). You have a good life in front of you, start living it now.

I imagine that you have concerns as to whether this is really for you. Don't worry, you'll know. A life coach I went to described me as a "dry alcoholic" and gave me the AA bible. I read the stories and didn't relate to them at all. When someone handed me the Green Book of SAA and I read the stories, it was like they were talking about me with just the specific details changed. Get a copy of the Green Book and read through it, you'll know if it's for you or not.

If it turns out that I'm wrong, my advise is still the same. Find a group of people who understand where you're at because they've been there AND who are making or have made SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE PROGRESS in their own lives. They will be able to help you, and remember the second part is VERY IMPORTANT! Don't join a pity party circle jerk where you can feel better by wallowing in your misery with others.

Anyway, I hope I've given you something of value.

This my first post on Reddit, so I'm not sure what the links policy is, but I've included two links for you; one is for the SAA site, go there and just check it out, and the other is a pretty good book I've been reading on how we form and change habits. It draws from the latest psychological and neurological research and I think it's really good.

https://saa-recovery.org

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398850299&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

Just remember that even though you may not feel it all the time, you always have the capacity to grow and change and our darkest, most difficult challenges give us our greatest gifts when we turn around and look back at them.

Imagine yourself in the future, look back, and see the gift.

What is it?

I'll pop back in in a few days to see how you're doing. Remember you're not alone. God bless.

How do you overcome impulses? All I want is to shop shop shop. [R]

5 years, 2 months agosmangit posted submission on ADHD.
April 24, 2014

My #1 goal this year was to pay back my credit card. 2014 started off pretty well. Then everything went to hell and now I've actually increased my debt by almost $3000. My main compulsions are shopping and eating. Meds have helped bring the appetite down, but there's absolutely nothing I love more than spending money.

My current obsession is makeup and skin care. I mean I spend hours every day reading about it, watching youtube videos on it, researching products... and then obviously going out and dropping tons of cash. I know rationally that my financial situation is VERY SERIOUS and I absolutely MUST STOP. I do have a financial plan with support from other people, so it's not that I need to get organized about it. It's that I just have to STOP SHOPPING.

And so far, I just can't.

TL;DR - Work is going so horribly and I'm so busy and stressed right now that the only thing that really really makes me feel good is buying stuff. Meditation and simple pleasures quite simply cannot compare.

Do your meds help? I just increased my dose... any chance it will help change things for me? So far it hasn't. Thoughts/experiences?

5 years, 2 months agosmangit posted on ADHD.
April 24, 2014

I used to be the same way. One thing that I did was I would go to the store to look at what i wanted to buy. I would pick up that item, try it out, whatever, and then put it back and walk out. In a way it was like throwing a wrench in the feedback loop of buy, feel good, repeat. I did this for a month or so and it really did help with the impulsivity.

Another thing that I do is I will set aside money every month that I can blow on whatever, guilt-free. Or, I could make the decision to save it and accumulate for another month.

Really, I think its about replacing habits with other habits that are healthier. Having ADHD makes us kind of myopic in a sense that we tend to focus on our habits without thinking about the repercussions or why we do them.

I recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg: http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X Or, im sure you could find a summary of it somewhere online.

Best of luck!

Not into stories, more into self improvement books or titles who's value extends past its covers! [R]

5 years, 3 months agoDragonswim posted submission on booksuggestions.
April 15, 2014

Hey all! I love reading but am not into stories and traditional book series. (think Harry potter, Stephen King) but am I am definitely into books that help you improve some aspect of your life while being a great read! Looking to establish a thread for these types of books since there doesn't seem to be one. Ill start with a few suggestions: 1. The War of Art - Steven Pressfield - not to be confused with The Art of War, but this is my number one book suggestion for people! Everyone can benefit from this book as it teaches you about how we procrastinate and diagnoses the ways in which we limit ourselves from reaching our full potential. I even buy copies of this book and give it to people on their birthday/for christmas! 2. Steve Jobs Autobiography - I know I said no stories but to me this does not count because its about his real life and is factually based. This is an amazing read that I couldn't put down! The life of Steve Jobs was a roller coaster of greatness with highs and lows and i am definitely a better person for this read. 3. Lone Survivor - Marcus Luttrell - This is the amazing true story of a Navy Seal and his team that venture into the mountains of Afghanistan and get ambushed by Al Qaeda. Wont spoil the story for you but this book literally got me choked up while reading some parts and had me feeling like a badass at other times. Mark Wahlberg just starred in the movie version based on this book but trust me.. I read this book 3 years ago and its worth the time! 4. The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle - a deeply spiritual book based on meditation and living in the present moment. A great read that you really can digest and re-read over and over. 5. The 48 Laws of Power - Robert Greene - Deeply powerful book! Its literally like holding dynamite in your hand. I love that each law is supported with real examples from history and is crazy interesting! Robert Greene is one of my favorite authors and Im currently reading another of his titles (ill post about it when I finish) --Ill stop there with the suggestions but will add more in discussion. Feel free to discuss titles that have changed your perception on issues and why you like that genre/author/specific work. The only thing I ask is keep it positive people! Too many times I see posts get ripped apart by cynical a-holes. My rule is that if you've read a title and have something to share about its impact on you then this is your thread!!! Have a peaceful day. :)

5 years, 3 months agoDragonswim posted on booksuggestions.
April 15, 2014
  1. The Power of Habit- explains the science behind habits, the human brain and the "keystone" habits that can change your life.

  2. The Black Swan- will have you rethink your perception of reality and whether your choices are hardwired.

  3. Willpower Rediscovering The Greatest Human Strength

  4. Brain Rules by John Medina written by a neauroscientist, awesome book read one chapter at a time.

Redditor Peevsy offers advice on how to stop wasting time with instant gratification and focus on what you really want to do with your life [R]

5 years, 3 months agoApril 8, 2014
5 years, 3 months agoxxtoejamfootballxx posted on bestof.
April 9, 2014

Piggy Backing off this book post to show a book that anyone should really read if they are facing the problem that the OP was:

The Power Of Habit

ELI5: why don't we forget how to ride a bike? [R]

5 years, 3 months ago120_pages posted submission on explainlikeimfive.
April 8, 2014
5 years, 3 months ago120_pages posted on explainlikeimfive.
April 8, 2014

Riding a bike is a complex process that requires co-ordinating many actions at the same time. In order to cope with activities like this, your brain creates automatic behaviors, and stores them in the basal ganglia where they can be recalled and used without conscious thought of each step.

These automatic behaviors are often called habits. They are really complex algorithms the brain encodes to relieve the processing load, so you can perform complex tasks without being so distracted that you are in danger from the world around you.

The brain knows to store a habit in the basal ganglia when you keep deliberately practicing the complex behavior with a great deal of attention. This is what happened when you learned to ride a bike. You practiced it over and over, paying intense attention to the various actions that go into keeping the bike moving and upright. At a certain point, usually when you get effective at the skill and start repeating the steps exactly, the brain encodes it into an automatic behavior and stores it in the basal ganglia.

This is the moment when you suddenly can do a skill without thinking about it.

The brain stores automatic behaviors indefinitely, but they retain freshness with frequent use. All that is required to refresh a habit is to practice the behavior. People speak of a skill "coming back to them." They are experienceing the brain accessing the habit in the basal ganglia because they are trying to do the habit steps using their conscious mind.

That is why you don't forget how to ride a bike.

It's also of interest to note that most of our waking life is governed by automatic behaviors stored in the basal ganglia. To optimize processor load efficiency, the brain will automate any repetitive activity. That's why you can go through your morning routine, and have no memory of it. You are literally on auto-pilot.

Source: this book and years of reading psych books.

Undergrad looking for some serious help. [R]

5 years, 3 months agoMarch 30, 2014

[deleted]

5 years, 3 months agoZenoCitium posted on AskPhysics.
March 31, 2014

This is hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but your troubles may very well be due to HOW you study.

It's especially hard to find time to evaluate your own study methods when you are under pressure to complete the work you already have. It is also hard to change your study method because a lot of it is a force of habit.

I would strongly suggest doing a "hard reset" of your study methods. If possible take 2 days off (or more) from studying of any kind. Go an do something completely different, something out of your routine. Go on a hike, or rent a canoe and take it out on a lake, or just walk around a different part of the city you live in. Anything to break your routine.

The day after, pretend you are starting school from scratch and you need to learn how to study effectively. Treat the subject of studying as complex endeavour that requires research. Think of it as metacognition 101. Take a critical look at what your weaknesses are, then go about finding out what neuroscience and psychology has on the topic of learning.

Here are some starting points: The Forgetting Curve, here is a good primer on how to think about studying, and last here is a book on breaking old habit and establishing new ones. Also, experiment and keep track of your study methods. Feel free to pm me if you want details of my own personal findings as to what works for me.

[QUESTION] Breaking bad....habits [R]

5 years, 3 months agoLZel posted submission on xxfitness.
March 31, 2014

Sorry, no Walter White :( Just little old me.

So, I've developed this habit over the past year or two. I've gotten into the habit of when I come home from anywhere I just eat or if I've eat a bit badly that day I just eat. It's not something I do everyday but it's become more frequent lately. It doesn't even matter if I'm full or whatever, I'll just eat and I justify it by thinking to myself "oh, I've had a bad day, I deserve this" or "Well, you've already ruined everything by eating that thing you ate" or "Hey, no ones home to judge me". I've not gained a significant amount of weight from this but I do tend to look and feel really bloated and uncomfortable. This habit also screws around with my motivation (not just for exercise but also study).

So lovely people, my question is: Do you have advice on how to break this habit once and for all? Has anyone else had problems with this?

Thank you!!

5 years, 3 months agoLZel posted on xxfitness.
March 31, 2014

Write it down when it happens: write down what your feelings were going into it, and the turn of events that lead up to your craving - this will help you decipher if it is emotional eating/hunger/etc. And also, what specific event is triggering the habit. Once you figure out your triggers, find a way to control it and something else to do to replace the unwanted habit with.

You may want to read the book "The Power of Habit"

There is also a possibility that if you switch up the WAY you come home you could make breaking the habit easier. You might have a trigger with walking through the front door, or sitting on the couch, whatever. If you walk through a different door, or don't sit on the couch, it might help you avoid the trigger.

Anyway I'm no psychologist, so read the book, it's super interesting and helpful for this type of stuff.

NoFap. Day 2. Im trying. I really am. [R]

5 years, 4 months agokayden_kross_addict posted submission on NoFap.
March 12, 2014

To adequately be able to illustrate my problem i have to tell the entire story.

I have been trying to kick this thing for months now. Ive had this problem since high school. My dad had lots of porn, was never home, so I just fell into the trap. I was still carrying on relationships just fine and it hadn't affected me negatively in any way.

In fact it had the opposite effect. I had developed an an effect where I couldn't ejaculate without a death grip. needless to say this made me last crazy amounts of time during sex. I honestly thought it was normal. I would have sex never ejaculate and just have sex until i was tired. I mean the girl is satisfied and i look like the man so what do I care right? this went on from the age of 19 to the age 0f 22.

After awhile I fell on hard times. Had no Girl, no job, shitty outlook on life and had nothing going for me. i don't smoke. Don't really drink. So I fell on the one thing that always took the edge off. Porn.

Needless to say unlike i did in the past. I discovered that you can watch porn on my phone. i had no Girlfriend due to a bad experience and cut myself off from intimate relationships. I watched porn ALL THE TIME. When I was bored. When I was sad. When I felt lonely.

It was my escape. and I was always in dire need of escapes. I overindulged and didn't even know nor realize.

I found that it would take me more to get off than usual. My favorite porn vids lost effectiveness, so I would watch even weirder stuff to compensate. I even discovered a lot of negative effects were affecting my life. I used to get panic attacks whenever i looked an attractive girl in the eye and would try not to meet their gaze. I found myself sleeping a lot more than i normally should. i used to clock in at least 12 hrs on a good day. i was lethargic and lazy. I didn't want to go anywhere. I noticed my hair was even thinning. and yet even with all these things crippling my life I still couldn't kick the habit.

I still hadn't put 2 and 2 together though. I was really interested in this girl and we wanted to have sex. I REALLY like this girl. I wanted this to be perfect. We were in the act and i found i couldn't go full chub. So now im at a fraction of a chub and im still trying to make it work. it lasted about a half hr till we switched positions and i found that it just.....died on me. Nothing worked. She was literally right there naked in front of me. My mind was willing but my body was unresponsive. I managed to get a partial chub again and ended up having to stop from this weird nausea i got.

Needless to say the experience was mortifying. She still speaks to me and treats me the same but I hadn't did as I normally did.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I ended up googling it. And the results surprised me. I found yourbrainonporn.com and I ran through the symptoms and I had a great deal of them.

Seeing them I had resigned myself to kicking porn forever. but there was one problem...

I couldn't fucking stop!! I was so dumbfounded... I couldn't stop no matter what I did. I fapped so many times my penis would be in pain after a fap...and id still fap. I tried pain conditioning

abstaining from going on the internet but the problem was that i never used the computer. all i used was my phone and people always have their phone so i was pretty boned.

i downloaded filter software onto my phone. that didnt work.

Nothing I did worked.... I was just.. done. Then somehow i just....stopped. I relapsed a bunch of times but managed to hold it together for 3 weeks.... still relapsed.

I cant seem to kick this habit. It just seems like a part of me. The rate of which ive done it has slowed considerably. but its still a major problem.

I thought I could do this on my own but I cant. I need help. I dont know why I said all this...really im looking for some insight. and a way to fix this problem. I don't want to live my life unable to pleasure a woman or myself for that matter....

any advice is welcomed. thanks for reading.

5 years, 4 months agokayden_kross_addict posted on NoFap.
March 12, 2014

I'm navigating the same territory as you. All I can say is stay strong. Don't give up. you'll only regret it.

I wish I could be of more help than just kind words. Consider reading up on habit and addiction: http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X something like this or similar could help you understand your brain.

Best books to teach you to build good habits [R]

5 years, 4 months agoFeb. 24, 2014

[deleted]

5 years, 4 months agoDecidingToBeBetter posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
Feb. 25, 2014

> teach you to build good habits

http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X

The habits and books sections of the wiki may also be helpful:

http://www.reddit.com/r/DecidingToBeBetter/wiki/index

A fellow redditor's helpful insight for people beginning to quit smoking. [R]

5 years, 4 months agoFeb. 24, 2014
5 years, 4 months agoLoisdenominator posted on stopsmoking.
Feb. 24, 2014

Taking on another healthy habit to break an unhealthy one is great advice. This was a great book if you want to read further: The Power of Habit

I was just reflecting recently...I took up running (I had started to run before quitting, though not consistently and due to reduced lung capacity, not for very long stretches at a time) and it is completely inconsistent with smoking. Not that I ran every time I had a craving in the early days....but I powered through those urges so I could reap the benefits in my running.

To this day, although I wouldn't say that I love running, Ido love the sense of achievement I feel at the end of each completed run - something I would never be able to achieve as a smoker.

I used to drink everyday, smoke a pack of cigs a day, and only eat once a day. Now, I haven't drank in 2.5 weeks, quit smoking and eat 3 times a day! I purchased a gym membership too, what should I concentrate on my first month? [R]

5 years, 5 months agoameemsie posted submission on Fitness.
Feb. 19, 2014

Looking for some guidance on bettering myself! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Edit: Thanks for all the feedback guys! Every little bit helps. I'm so excited for a new chapter in my life. (:

Edit: To clarify for some, I am not over weight. I'm a girl. And I'm just doing this to better my body. Tone up. And live a healthier lifestyle! Just wanted to hear some impute from others to guide myself in the right path. 👍💪🍎🍌

Edit: I'll be back after work thanks for much everyone! ❤️❤️

Edit: Wow! I did not expect such a response!

I just read every comment so far, and Thank you everyone for all your amazing suggestions and kind words. You have no idea how much this helped!

I'm off to work, then to the gym for my first time!

I'll be sure to update in a month if anyone is interested on my progress. I'm sure I'll be back with more questions! (:

Thanks again reddit ❤️

5 years, 5 months agoameemsie posted on Fitness.
Feb. 20, 2014

Absolutely this. I am also a girl & started weightlifting in Sept. The biggest problem I have is staying consistent. I am currently reading "The Power of Habit"-- maybe you will also find it useful for your new healthy habits.

I also recommend checking out NerdFitness and more specifically Staci's story

Tired of being a loser [R]

5 years, 5 months agothehigheststatusmale posted submission on becomeaman.
Feb. 3, 2014

I'm 24, still in college, jobless, broke, out of shape (ex-athlete), and apparently i'm boring to hang out with. My friends talk about me behind my back, and apparently I'm sometimes weird, and sometimes boring, but I can sometimes throw in good one-liners. I know they keep me around to laugh at me. None of them think I'm cool. And when I ask them about their opinion of me, they say "your a nice guy". I'm tired of being the "nice guy". I want to be the cool guy, the funny guy, the awesome guy.

My problems are all in my head, I know it, but I'm having serious trouble fixing them. I've been trying to better myself for the past year, but it seems like I've fallen back into a worse version of my former un-confident self.

I spend way too much time watching youtube videos and playing video games. I used to watch a lot of porn, but I quit watching porn and masturbating 3 weeks ago. I thought my porn addiction was the cause of my lack of confidence, but I find myself still nervous around girls, still quiet around a new group of people, and still uninteresting/weird in conversation.

I had a decent corporate job at a big company, and things were working out, but I found myself hating my manager and feeling way too much stress and pressure from a very simple and menial job. I wasn't making friends at work either for some reason, even though I was regularly being approached by my coworkers. For some reason I couldn't keep their attention and I would usually seem awkward in conversation. The biggest thing I hate about myself is that I'm sometimes awkward in conversation because I let my nerves get to me and I can't think clearly for an appropriate/funny response, so I kinda quiet down and end the conversation awkwardly. Anyway, I quit my old job because I couldn't handle feeling so awkward all the time.

I know I have a "people person" hidden somewhere inside of me, but I am struggling to break out of my shell.

How does one regain confidence after taking so many huge hits to their self-esteem?

5 years, 5 months agothehigheststatusmale posted on becomeaman.
Feb. 3, 2014

Will power is incredibly weak. What you need are new habits.

Read this: http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X

You will understand entirely why you are doing what you are doing and how to reprogram yourself.

Buddha gives us a simile for kamma [R]

5 years, 5 months agofauxreal21 posted submission on Buddhism.
Jan. 28, 2014
Just as a silver smith 
    step by step,   
    bit by  bit,     
        moment to moment, 
blows away the impurities 
of molten silver — 
so the wise man, his own. 

Just as rust 
— iron's impurity 
— eats the very iron 
from which it is born,  
    so the deeds 
of one who lives slovenly   
    lead him on 
to a bad destination.

Dhammapada

5 years, 5 months agofauxreal21 posted on Buddhism.
Jan. 28, 2014

Do You Want To Change Your Life For The Better? 7 Ways To Make It A Habit [R]

5 years, 5 months agoradient posted submission on DecidingToBeBetter.
Jan. 22, 2014
5 years, 5 months agoradient posted on DecidingToBeBetter.
Jan. 22, 2014

The condensed article version is nice, but seriously, do yourself a favor and just read The Power Of Habit. It's a great read. Up there with Thinking, Fast and Slow, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and George Leonard's Mastery in my opinion.

Scared of doing homework? [R]

5 years, 6 months agoJan. 12, 2014

[deleted]

5 years, 6 months agomaniacalmania posted on ADHD.
Jan. 13, 2014

Download the audiobook for The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

First audible book is free with new membership, you can cancel.

This will help you understand how to get shit done without having to rely on your executive functioning.