The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Paperback – November 9, 2004

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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Paperback – November 9, 2004

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Reddit Reviews and Recommendations

  • 27 Reviews
  • Dec. 5, 2018 Last Review Date
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  • 22 Reviewed on Subreddits

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Discussion and Reviews on Reddit

Selfhelp book for my 30y/o fiance [R]

12 months agosasha_says posted submission on booksuggestions.
Dec. 5, 2018

Hello all. I was hoping to give my fiance for self-help book for Christmas. He has expressed a want for some sort of book to help him with his general depressed mood and low self worth. Of course I try to support him the best I can but I'm no expert and have literally never read a self help book so have no where to start. He doesn't love reading so I looking for something to the point. No offense to anyone but I'm not look for anything religious.

12 months agosasha_says posted comment on booksuggestions.
Dec. 5, 2018

For a quick to the point read I’d recommend the non-zero day post on reddit. I think that’s a great philosophy to help someone get started, especially if they’re suffering from depression and lack of motivation and energy. Set small goals. I found that if the goal was smaller I was more likely to start, then I was more likely to keep going once I was already doing it. For instance, I’d tell myself to empty half the dishwasher and I could do the rest later. Once I was doing it, finishing it didn’t seem so bad. If you only have to read a sentence or a page a day that’s not too bad, but maybe that’ll turn into a chapter once you get into it and so on.

Beyond that mindset, I found the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People very helpful. I did listen to it on audiobook, and I’m not sure I’d have had the patience to read the physical book, for reference. Generally I’ve found audiobooks to be really helpful. Makes my commute to work somewhat enjoyable. If I’m not feeling well and curled up in bed (happens a lot with migraines) I can lay in bed and listen, which feels less isolating. Also, it makes mundane chores more tolerable if I’m listening to a book while doing them. Also, the author is Christian and it does bleed into the book a bit but as an atheist I found it tolerable and the book was still very helpful to me. It’s not preachy but his examples do reveal his values (family, service, going to church, industriousness etc).

Cutting the fetter of immaterial craving; attaining Arhat [R]

1 year, 2 months agobatbdotb posted submission on TheMindIlluminated.
Sept. 20, 2018

This post marked my entry into 3rd path. After that fruition, I attained powerful equanimity. A month later, I had another fruition whereby I attained a permanent felt-sense of interconnection with all of material existence. I had a superiority complex my entire life, that slowly deteriorated more and more as I progressed. The interconnection totally eviscerated the superiority complex. As such, my relationship with other men improved dramatically. I felt warm, happy, and present, all the time. People seemed agreeable and friendly in my presence. I also got my talkativeness back - which it seemed like I lost completely in 2nd path.

As this continued though, I began sensing a deep dissatisfaction with the nature of material existence. At this point, I was residing in Stage 10, and I began feeling deeply cognizant of the suffering of having a self. I noticed how even after all my progress, the psychological self still seemed so needy. I noticed how it required constant feeding of novelty, safety, connection with others, and purpose. A deep longing began emerging within me for an immaterial existence.

Along those lines, I became very cognizant of the limitations of the physical body. It also seemed so needy. Always requiring nourishment, rests, activity, and stimulation. It felt like a never-ending loop - like being on a hamster wheel. Again, A deep longing began emerging within me for an immaterial existence.

I became very curious in other teachings. I would spend my weekends reading The Manual of Insight. I would follow Mahasi Sayadaw's instructions and deeply contemplate disenchantment and dispassion - which began resonating with me more and more. I also became very interested in True-Self teachings, I took a look at Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, and David Hawkins, for the first time since attaining stream-entry. I also became interested/curious regarding psychedelic drugs for the first time in my life.

The mundaneness of being a self was bleedingly apparent - and the perpetual and all-encompassing suffering of the world was equally apparent. I deeply craved for a final release from this material existence. I did not recognize this as craving though because the practices and teachings I was indulging in were inadvertently reinforcing the pleasure of immateriality and the pain of materiality.

I never had a teacher or been on a retreat before; having been heavily involved in the self-improvement community, I had a strong "do-it-yourself" and "entrepreneur" mindset. There came a point when the pointlessness of the world stream became so blaring though, that I relinquished these mindsets and sought out teachers- I reached out to Culadasa for a private consultation.

Bare in mind - when all this was unfolding, I was actually pretty happy, interconnected with all things, and calm. The disenchantment never really effected the happiness, interconnection, and calm. Those qualities continued. It's almost as if the disenchantment was occurring on a deeper thread of my psyche, while those other "positive" qualities were unfolding at a more shallow thread of my psyche simultaneously. From the point of view of disenchantment, those "positive" qualities seemed rather superficial and almost irrelevant. I would often tell people that pursuing happiness is meaningless because happiness isn't even that good of an experience.

I spoke with Culadasa and this changed everything. He told me that in 3rd path there is "A tension between Being and Non-Being that causes suffering". He said this is a very defining characteristic of the Non-Returner. I told him what I was experiencing and he confirmed my cravings are the result of this tension. He told me all these things I crave are likely the last vestige of self within me; he told me this is the fetter of craving for immateriality. Then he instructed me to observe the "I" behind this craving. After talking for a bit, he said something along the lines of, (roughly paraphrasing) "I cannot say for sure, because I do not know you and would need more time to observe your morality. But just from this conversation, it seems like you may be at 3rd path and on the edge of entering 4th path". I was skeptical of myself and maybe even a little timid because I felt like my progress was "too" fast. But hearing him tell me that felt extremely supportive and encouraging.

The remainder of that day, I observed the sense of "doer" and "agency" behind the craving for immaterial existence, as he instructed me. The next day, I spent the entire day at home doing nothing but observing the "I" behind these cravings. In the evening, it felt like I was hitting something. Everytime I would "spot" the self behind the craving, my psyche would reverberate. I spotted the 'doer' twice, and each time I cried for a moment. It was an emotionless cry which surprised me. It felt like the cry was coming from a biological level - not psychological. I then observed it one more time - and my mind completely froze; it felt like I was transported into a different reality temporarily. I came back online a few seconds later. I observed this self for 2 more hours, and finally - I saw the "doer" as a raw sense experience and everything came undone.

I could feel something overcoming my psyche. It felt as if the electrical cord of "me" had been totally ripped outside the socket, leaving nothing behind. I lied on my kitchen floor, with nothing at all besides pure visual content. There was no self at all in any form, no craving, and no suffering. My visual field began filling with visual images. Almost as if a nimmita was imprinted upon my visual field with my eyes open. With no agency and no self, geometric patterns began swirling and moving within my visual field.

Everything came online a few minutes later. Except now, I could clearly see the "doer" is unreal. It became extremely obvious that there is no self and no doer in any form. The sense of agency is nothing but a raw sense percept that gives the illusion that arbitrary mind movements are intrinsically real in some way. There is no reality behind these mind movements though. There is no special person directing behavior. This is the illusion that sense perceptions of agency provide.

It seems as though all the fetters have been cut from my psyche. I experience a persistent emotionlessness and thoughtlessness that seemed eery at first. But on a deeper level, I perpetually experience a sublime tranquility the can only be described as transcendent. It truly is sublime beyond words. The happiness, joy, and interconnection are no longer present - although, if I inclined the mind towards those things, I certainly could experience them; but they are replaced with nothingness - and beyond the nothingness, there is inner peace.

Thank you for indulging me, friends. This is a wonderful Sangha and I have appreciated your support along the way. Best of wishes.

~ Metta

1 year, 2 months agobatbdotb posted comment on TheMindIlluminated.
Sept. 21, 2018

I always write 3 things:

  1. Lessons Learned

  2. Private Victories

  3. Magic Moments

Lesson Learned is rather obvious. The benefit of this is by asking "What were my lessons learned today" every night, it changes your habitual focus throughout the day to continuously search for what there is to learn in every given situation. It takes you out of comfort-seeking and moves you into beginners-mind.

Private Victories - this is something I got from the 7 habits nearly a decade ago. Essentially, for every public victory, there are thousands of private victories that nobody sees. Most people are unable to be consistent because they are attached to the public victories and do not recognize their own private victories. Attachment to validation prevents them from positively reinforcing their own accomplishments. This creates a downward cycle that accounts for the fact most people are dabblers. So for several years now, I have done the complete opposite - I let go of the all desire for the public victory, and yet every day I congratulate and rejoice the private victories. Doing this every day changes the way you relate to your own abilities. On a personality level, it makes you internally validated. Of course, at the higher paths, even that becomes irrelevant. Nevertheless, it is extremely powerful in the context of actualizing your potential in all areas.

Magic Moments - this is very similar to private victories. Most people are attached to "big" events and overlook the small moments. In Magic Moments, I simply recollect and write down positive, enjoyable, or fun events that happened throughout the day. This has a similar effect as I stated for private victories. It makes you internally validated and kills attachment to "big" things.

What I am presenting to you is the art of Self-Actualization. It is different than the Path of Insight, but it is complimentary.

What are the 3 best habits and 3 worst habits for entrepreneurs? [R]

1 year, 8 months agoMarch 12, 2018


1 year, 8 months agonomosolo posted comment on Entrepreneur.
March 12, 2018

Read THIS and call me in the morning.

Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner on Halloween [R]

2 years, 1 month agotnais posted submission on pics.
Oct. 21, 2017
2 years, 1 month agotnais posted comment on pics.
Oct. 21, 2017

IWTL how to stop caring what others think about me & start living for myself [R]

2 years, 2 months agoaaaleman posted submission on IWantToLearn.
Sept. 25, 2017

i put too much power in other people's opinions of me. I let their opinion of me, or what I perceive their opinion of me to be, take control of my own thoughts and i start to believe it too. Repetitive criticisms make me think that i'm not capable or adequate and triggers a downward spiral mindset

2 years, 2 months agoaaaleman posted on IWantToLearn.
Sept. 25, 2017

Profound, transcendental insights in this truly valuable book:

Hope you consider it.

I'm fucked. can't believe other INFPs aren't. [R]

2 years, 3 months agoAug. 12, 2017


2 years, 3 months agopradeep23 posted on infp.
Aug. 12, 2017

We all have our short-comings and limitation. Also we have our uniqueness. We must look at things that we do right. Where we have a flow. We must seek knowledge and wisdom. Philosophy. These things makes us better. Rather they reveal the best parts of us.

Here are some books that have helped me:

Here are some things I have saved that I read on and off

"What you need now to do is, to check how much you are on the feeling level and how much on the thought level. Most are, and naturally, on the thought level because that is our comfort zone. We have to act on that level. It is the functional level. We need it to study, operate, plan, achieve and so many other things like research, analysis, But we need the feeling level to relate to others. Sadly this is much neglected and we use our thought level to deal with others. we are not in touch with our feelings. To be a sensitive person we need our feelings. We will even rationalize away our feelings. So this is the beginning. "

"Feed your head." -Grace Slick

Where you are headed is more important than how fast you're going, yet people are consumed with speed rather than direction.

Concentrate every minute on doing what's in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions. Yes, you can, if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that's all even the gods can ask of you. -- Marcus Aurelius

Check /r/Stoicism or r/meditation

The bad things, don't do them. The good things, try to do them. Try to purify, subdue your mind. That is teaching of all buddhas.

"If you are becoming a more patient, kinder, and less violent person, you are truly learning life's lessons."

Be a Wanderer and find the inner master that lies dormant within you.

[Request] How to WANT to stay on top of things? Larger question: how to solve internal divisions? [R]

2 years, 9 months agopradeep23 posted submission on infp.
March 4, 2017

Hi all,

I think I already know the answer to this deep down, but it seems unknown to me: when you have to stay on top of things, e.g. answer emails, keep track of dates, responsibilities, priorities, eat healthy, exercise, etc., ...

Before looking for strategies to do it, how do you convince yourselves to WANT to do it? Especially when, if you let things slide, you end up getting done what YOU want to get done?

I'm asking this here in the INFP forum because I think a lot of other types have the ability to just do a thing, no matter how they feel about it, if they logically tell themselves to. Not so for me. Not so for a lot of INFPs, I think, who have to feel in harmony with themselves to fully commit to something.

(And, once the INFP, or any IxxP, is committed to something, it's an unstoppable force ya dig?)

So, what strategies do you use to work through internal divisions, and feel ok about what you're doing in life?

2 years, 9 months agopradeep23 posted on infp.
March 4, 2017

If I were to recommend a book, I would suggest Stephen Covey 7 habits of highly effective people Read about the 4 Quadrants.

The only person who can solve the internal division is you. And the only person who would get in your way is you. If you can surrender and be calm, things will take care of themselves. Always be aware of your feelings. Reflecting on something positive is a good way. Or humor.

The tricks is to turn chores into something else. Listen to a good song while you check mails. Use Pomodoro technique

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. Napoleon Bonaparte

Buddha replied, “Whatsoever you do, do it with awareness; this is meditation. Walking, walk attentively, as if walking is everything; eating, eat with awareness, as if eating is everything; rising, rise with awareness; sitting, sit with awareness. All your actions become conscious, your mind does not travel beyond this moment, it remains in the moment, settles in the moment – this is meditation.”

The bad things, don't do them. The good things, try to do them. Try to purify, subdue your mind. That is teaching of all buddhas.

Indian undergraduate's rant! [R]

2 years, 9 months agoMarch 4, 2017


2 years, 9 months agotinyraindrops posted on Entrepreneur.
March 4, 2017

If you have not read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People you should read it. I t will give you an idea of how to structure ur life.

Hey, I'd like some advice on intelligence. [R]

3 years, 1 month agoOthan posted submission on TagProIRL.
Oct. 4, 2016

So I've been toying with this for a while, but I finally put it into words. Here's my problem.

I imagine this scenario: I live an average life, and make pretty much no impact on the world of academia. And this thought makes me so sad. I just feel like this future is not worth living. I feel like I just have have to make some sort of impact upon the world in order for my life to have meaning.

Then I think, is this scenario inevitable? I haven't displayed any of the achievements in my teenage years that influential people did at my age. I'm not in Gifted, I can't understand some philosophical arguments, and I didn't get a genius score on the PSAT or the ACT. These signs point towards the notion that I will be incapable of making a significant impact. The only thought that somewhat comforts me is that I would have made significant accomplishments in my teenage years if I didn't have severe depression (it's kind of gone now). It makes me hopeful and hopeless at the same time.

So, there's a chance that I will be capable of doing something influential as an adult, but it seems more likely that I will not. I'm also very uncertain of my intelligence, but I get the feeling that it's not exceptional. So, How do I handle not being intelligent enough to make an impact?

I think I've already said this in multiple depressing /r/TagProIRL posts, but I'll say it again: I'd greatly appreciate any advice.

3 years, 1 month agoOthan posted on TagProIRL.
Oct. 4, 2016

The smartest and most successful people I know work their ass off and ask tons of questions. There's definitely an innate aspect of intelligence, but don't feel like you can't achieve what you want in life just because other people have gifts that you don't; plenty of extremely gifted people have accomplished fuck all in their life because they didn't work towards what they wanted.

Here are some things that I've found that really shaped my view on this (and have helped me a ton so far, even though I'm still really young):

Seven habits of highly effective people


No more zero days

There are plenty of opportunities to make an impact, you just have to apply yourself.

What are some books I can read casually to get smarter about life, finances, and how to live in the world? [R]

3 years, 3 months agolonewolf-chicago posted submission on MGTOW.
Aug. 27, 2016

Thank you for the tips.

3 years, 3 months agolonewolf-chicago posted on MGTOW.
Aug. 27, 2016

7 Habits of Highly Effective People


21 irrefutable laws of leadership

First, Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently Applicable to everyone that has a job!!

The Back of the Napkin: Solving Problems and Selling Ideas with Pictures This will change the way you take notes, how you think, how you communicate concepts with other people. I love this book!

I read a lot. LOL The top 3 are recommended by me all the time. Great books!

7 Habits of Super Productive Java Developers [R]

3 years, 5 months agonerdwaller posted submission on java.
July 6, 2016
3 years, 4 months agonerdwaller posted on java.
July 6, 2016

Probably stems back to the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" Amazon.

New to this game and I wanna start out right! [R]

3 years, 5 months agoDantilli posted submission on fPUA.
June 14, 2016

I [24f] am a newly single from a 3 year LTR. I ended things, but I am at the tail end of a string of LTRs. Since I was 17 I have been single for maybe 4 months total. I am ready to extend that number by a tonne, but I want to play the field. I have never had much trouble sleeping with the people I want to sleep with, but for some reason I end up just being with people forever, even though I am not compatible with them. Then, I end up breaking up with them 2 or 3 years later, when I knew deep down I shouldn't have been there in the first place (there were a few week long flings scattered in there, too, though).

Anyway, I am moving to a new country in 2 months, and therefore I literally cannot get into a relationship. I want to use this time to break this life long habit of mine, play the field, and meet some other kinds of guys so that I know more fully what I am looking for. Its easy to say that I want a guy that has his life together somewhat, but besides that I have no idea.

My game plan is this:

I have a girlfriend set up to be my wingman. I am expanding my circle by asking her, as she is a newer friend, and we're just starting to hang out more. She is very adventurous, attractive and approachable, but is married. Basically perfect. She lives in a town next to my town, so we're going to go there and play some pool at a bar that she thinks is appropriate.

From then on I guess I will see what happens, but based on this subreddit, I should assume attraction, make myself approachable, kino and escalate, but make it seem like his idea? It seems a bit contradictory to game people into gaming me. I am usually a forward person and I have no qualms with talking to people, but I don't want to scare anyone off by being forward.

Does anyone have any specific advice for this scenario? What would you wear? I am tall with a slim figure, but I usually dress in a men's t-shirt, jacket with jeans. I like this outfit and feel comfortable with myself in it, and wear a version of it basically everyday. The last time I was picked up I was wearing it, but I attracted the wrong guy. I want to dress in a way that attracts the right guy for this situation.

So, what would you wear? What is some more general advise for someone who is going into the field for the first time? I am up for any advice here, I just want to make sure I am on the right track!!

3 years, 5 months agoDantilli posted on fPUA.
June 14, 2016

Heylo, I'm a man with significantly less experience than you on the dating side, so I'll leave that to someone more knowledgeable.

As for the the more self improvement side...

> Since I was 17 I have been single for maybe 4 months total

Why do you think this is? I have an idea but I don't want to put words in your mouth, helps me get an idea of how you think.

> I knew deep down I shouldn't have been there in the first place

This might be the clincher of your post. How much of your life do you have this attitude towards?

Sounds to me like you have a lack of boundaries in some ways. Not that you are willing to do anything, more that you aren't sure who you want to be. When you get into uncertain situations you hesitate a lot before making a decision about what to do. I imagine you hesitated a LOT about ending some of your relationships, which is probably why they went on so long.

One thing I discovered that really helps with that is remembering that not making a decision is a decision in it's own right. Doing nothing is a CHOICE, not a way to put off making one. It also helps with guilt about decisions too. Instead of thinking "oh, I should have done something" you can say, "I was wrong to choose to do nothing". They sound the same, but knowing you made the decision makes you feel better because you tried your best and you believed your best decision was to do nothing.

Now I could go on forever trying to explain ways to try and improve this part of your life, along with self esteem in general, but I know the PERFECT book for you to read. It's called 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and explains everything I would much better than I could. It's also damn cheap as it's been around a while, but trust me when I say that this is probably the most useful book I've ever read and I've read quite a lot of self help bullshit. The first half is about introspection, giving you methods to learn who you are, who you want to be and what values you uphold. I'd recommend you read it and do the exercises he gives (especially the one about writing down your values), I really do think they'll help you a lot.

Hope this helps somewhat :)

What's your motivation for posting dating advice on /r/TheRedPill? [R]

3 years, 8 months agoRareBlur posted submission on PurplePillDebate.
March 16, 2016

Why do you post dating advice on TRP, especially when the recipients of your advice might therefore compete more successfully against you in the dating world than they otherwise would have?

EDIT: /r/TRP, or /r/RPW as well

3 years, 8 months agoRareBlur posted on PurplePillDebate.
March 16, 2016

I think some people get off on telling other people how to live.

I think the real question people should ask is, why are you going to the internet for advice on anything?

>especially when the recipients of your advice might therefore compete more successfully against you in the dating world than they otherwise would have?

What? Where is the abundance mentality?

Changing My Mentality Completely Worked! [R]

3 years, 8 months agoTalynen posted submission on summonerschool.
March 13, 2016

So when the new season started I played my ten matches got placed in Bronze 3, S5 i was Silver 5. So starting at Bronze 3 I felt as I didn't belong there, I felt like I was better than Bronze division. So I just accepted it and played. But then I find myself losing plenty of games. My win/loss was about 32% which is absolutely horrific. Which would lead me to be extremely toxic and lose more games cause I was on Tilt. But i completely changed my attitude about 25 games in bronze, to not rage, admit it was my fault, and look to see how it can be improved. Then finding someone someone to play with with, I would start finding some success in my games but not as I wanted to. So by this time I did make it in to Bronze 2. Which one step closer where my goal was to get to. (Silver)

So after getting to bronze 2, i went on wining/losing streaks for a for time, Until I meet one guy while doing duo queue and we added each other on skype and went on a 8 game winning streak so i added him in game and told him we could play the next day. So the next day we did end up playing but he had friends we could play with so we did a 5 man queue with skype. We saw lots of sucess we won 6 in a row and lost 2 in a row to other 2 parties. But while playing with the guys I found this one guy he played very aggressive so i added him. We played alot and then we added another guy we played with he was a main jungle so we were set. Me being main adc/top, and main jungle, and main mid. Plus we skyped every time we played so there was good communication. We all got to bronze 1 and then soon after that I made it to Silver 5 and with a 55% win/lose im still looking to improve. But I accepted that i sucked and focused on improving. It can be done but it just takes a little work to achieve what you want. But now i fear now that i have made it where i want to be, dont get me wrong i still wanna climb, but i feel like i wont be able to play how i play. I play a very supportive top malphite, i look for plays every where on the map, letting my team get a lead and even if i lose lane I look straight for the late game. ADC my bot lane has drastically improved. But how can i keep myself from falling off, meaning like my gameplay doesnt start to be bad or i just be bad? And I wanted a quick question on my itemization. please help.

3 years, 8 months agoTalynen posted on summonerschool.
March 13, 2016

First of all, Congratulations on your promotion! I'm glad to hear you've got some friends to play with now and are seeing improvements.

To help you keep perspective on your progress, I would recommend saving one replay a week so you can compare your most recent games to where you started out at when you get worried about whether or not you're improving. Watching your old replays and comparing them to current ones is a good way to maintain perspective on your improvement as a player.

Rather than focusing on how "bad" of a player you are and trying to improve so you can be "less bad" or "good", learn to laugh at your mistakes. Get your ego out of the game. Your skill at League of Legends should never be a measure of your value as a human being. Understand that making mistakes is part of the learning process, so dont beat yourself up over it.

Instead, take time out of your usual gaming schedule to watch a replay of one game you felt like you'd like to learn from (one where you made some mistakes you want to fix) once a week. here's an excellent video on how to approach improvement in competitive video games. Its oriented towards Starcraft 2 players, but the core ideas being presented are not specific to that game, they also apply to League.

This video should teach you how to approach playing League in a way that maintains the act of playing as an activity you do for fun while also helping you get better, rather than focusing only on improving. Remember that people get to Masters and Challenger all the time playing random stuff like Teemo Jungle and Heimerdinger in every role, so find things you enjoy doing and stick to them. Take time once a week to refine your "best" or "most played" strategies and figure out how you can perform various roles to help your team with champions you like playing through experimentation. This book, a popular self-help handbook for lifestyle improvements, explains that every action people do can be categorized by two criteria:

Important versus Unimportant actions


Urgent versus Non-urgent actions.

As a result, there are 4 types of actions. However, for the case of this argument I dont need to spend time on unimportant actions so I'll explain the first 2 types only.

First, you have urgent and important. This is something like dealing with a big catastrophe in your life. Say your car breaks down and you need it working so you can get to your job tomorrow. You'll of course try to immediately solve the issue because it is important, and you can't put it off till tomorrow.

Second, you have non-urgent but important actions. This is the category in which things like taking time to refine your gameplay and experiment with new ideas lie in your League of Legends hobby. They are important to do, make playing the game more fun, and increase your skill at the game. However, they are not urgent activities. You dont have a reason that you NEED to do them right away. You can think of them like doing routine maintenance on your car. Sure, the car will not break down tomorrow if you procrastinate on getting the oil changed, but if you keep putting it off then you start to run into big, expensive trouble down the road.

What i'm trying to say is that it might not be what you want to do right then, but scheduling time to refine your gameplay (practicing CSing, practicing jungle clears, figuring out item purchases ahead of time so you dont waste time in the fountain shopping) are all important improvements to make in your play that require effort on a regular basis. You wont see your skills deteriorating much the first week you skip out on refining your gameplay, but soon enough you'll starting losing games you feel like you should have won and it becomes difficult to figure out why.

Third are actions which are urgent but not important. This is things like answering a phone call or text message while you are in an important face to face meeting. The phone call can wait till later, and you should give respect to the person who took the time to travel to your office in person, but we are conditioned to answer the phone immediately because the phone ringing is an urgent noise that prompts humans to action. You might run into a similar situation with league when you are doing your weekly refinements and you get a game invite from your friends to play Hearthstone or something. You know they'll still be online in an hour, and playing hearthstone isn't that important to you, but you still feel bad putting them off while you work on your refinements.

A bill by US lawmakers, set for release in March, could require encrypted devices to be able to give un-encrypted data to law enforcement. Feinstein says the bill is "coming along ... some people are making it a lot harder than we think it needs to be". An alternate proposal is also on the table [R]

3 years, 9 months agorob-on-reddit posted submission on technology.
Feb. 26, 2016
3 years, 9 months agorob-on-reddit posted on technology.
Feb. 29, 2016

> how do you convince people to take that time to write a simple letter on issues?

How to inspire people is a tough one. "Telling" people to write letters will only work for people who already agree with you. Dale Carnegie says you need only believe in people and I agree. If you believe that other people have the ability to make change, then you only need to educate them on the issues and let them decide what's right for themselves. You have then empowered a new generation of thinkers. It can be stress relieving to think this way because you stop feeling responsible for others' actions.

If you go into negotiations thinking that the other party must be convinced that you're right, then you have already lost. Keeping an open mind and letting yourself be open to be convinced is a great way to convince someone else, as ironic as that sounds. The idea is to search for a "win win" where both parties are happy and haven't compromised, as Stephen Covey would put it. Carnegie's book is more succinct and anecdotal, whereas Covey's goes into more detail and is more instructional.

Personally I like to remind people of the power of free speech and the power of voting. I actively seek out online conversations where I can share information relevant to a topic that is related to free speech, such as this encryption bill or a potential US vs. Apple supreme court case. I've been a pretty heavy commenter in another technical forum and if I haven't changed anyone's views, I've at least found some people who agree with me. In the real world, there are not many people I interact with who care nearly as much about this issue as I do. This is my outlet. Even online it can be hard to find the right place, right time, and right way to add to a conversation.

I think the government has a good point. The world is going to look very different if they are not able to access all the information that they can access today. It will be hard. But, the future will include encrypted communications whether they want it to or not. If we ban encryption, we will be worse off. Banning encryption isn't like banning nuclear or advanced weaponry. It is difficult to acquire those things. Encryption is easy to get. It won't be hard unless we turn into a big brother world. And I don't think we're on this planet to be controlled by some small group of people who think they know what's best for everyone.

> Thank you for your response and time, and the considerations in it.

You're welcome!

On AF/BB, nice guys and seeing women as equals [R]

3 years, 9 months agoRareBlur posted submission on PurplePillDebate.
Feb. 9, 2016

AF/BB in its most basic form means that the alpha fucks and the beta bucks, but in a more complex form it means that women fuck with hot guys in the hope that they commit until they hit the wall and settle for someone unattractive that at least can provide her with a good life.

Now the basic form is true to some extend.

If you are someone that only wants casual sex you can get sex without any strings attached and if you are a someone that tries to get lucky by being a good provider you will be seen as someone that just likes to be nice. Beta, as it is understood around here, implies that the BB hides his true intentions and doesn't make it clear that he has sexual interest nor is he actively flirting (neither dominant nor assertive).

It shouldn't be surprising that hitting on chicks without ever inviting them for anything leads to sex without any need to provide anything else. And it also shouldn't be surprising that being nice in a non-flirty way makes it seem as if you have no interest in sex.

The problem with the beta in this scenario is that he lacks the empathy to see it from her point of view. For him it's obvious that he has sexual intentions, because why else would he be talking to a female, but what he doesn't understand is that male-female friendships are a common occurrence.

She has friendly conversations and gets invited to drinks by strangers, coworkers and friends regardless of gender. She doesn't know that her beta orbiters are actually attracted to her. Usually guys flirt with her if they are interested (AF)

Some guys have both alpha and beta traits and invite her out to dinner while flirting the whole time. They make it obvious that they have interest.

The dinner with the BB has as much sexual tension as a dinner with her sister. Some of you guys now claim that she is evil for leading him on. But how could she know what his true intentions are? (I'm not denying that there are gold diggers out there that prey on BBs but I'm talking about normal women right now)

The BB doesn't see her as an equal (he pedestalizes her) and also doesn't sees women as equal to men (they can't be friends).

The basic form is common sense of you think about it.

But what I'm having a problem with its the complex form.

they have casual sex with alphas in the hope that they commit

Sure the modern way of dating ditched the restaurant for the bed. Casual sex is the new way to get to know your partner for some people.

But it's by far not the majority of girls nor even the majority of girls that have casual sex that do so with the intentions of getting committed.

This seems like a alpha fantasy (all girls want to have me) mixed with the belief that women don't enjoy sex and a composition/division fallacy (some women do it and thus you figure all want to do it)

Just now on askTRP I've found this (will link later when I'm home):

First I want to say I lived in big city during my 20s and racked up a high notch count. Most of my lays are one night stands.

But I've never had a woman try to get me into a relationship.

Which is in line with reality. It's basically reflects my experience and what I know from other people. Sometimes we didn't even knew each others names or didn't even exchange numbers.

There are some girls that do have casual sex with the hope that he will settle for them, but there are also girls that just have casual sex for the sake of getting laid. They may focus on their education or career and want to wait with committed relationships until they have time for them. When they are looking for casual sex they look for different things in a partner than when they are looking for relationships. Often times they fuck with guys they would never commit to.

Some of them may fall in love, but usually that's the point where they put a stop to it and look for a new fuckbuddy. They don't want to stop riding the carousel yet.

once they hit the wall they settle for BB

This implies that he is lower value and that she only uses him for his wallet. Sure gold diggers exist, but most women do commit do the best guy they can get.

Whenever I've seen one leaving the cock carousel and entering a relationship it was always with a guy that has been known as marriage material. He is high value to her. He may not be as alpha as the bad boys she used to have sex with, but she knew that those bad boys aren't relationship material.

She doesn't settle down. She chooses her partners based on different preferences. For casual sex she only cares about his looks and sex skills because nothing else matters, but for relationships personality and compatibility are more important. But even though she doesn't go for bad boys anymore she can still go for a guy that turns her on.

Those that tried to get alphas to commit and failed over and over learn from their mistakes. They learn some red flags and go for partners that make them happier.

And those BBs that actually end up in a sexless marriage? Again the same problem with seeing them as equals. He places himself below them and does everything without making it clear that he wants something in return. He still doesn't show his intentions and never flirts. This in turn makes it seem to her as if he isn't attracted to her. She's used to guys that openly hit on her and let go off themselves in bed.

All in all AF/BB is a good reminder that if you want to get laid you have to be honest about it, but as an explanation for a dualistic mating strategy it's too broad and generalized. It's only true for a small part of women and even then there are too many exceptions to the rule.

The world isn't as black and white as it seems.

3 years, 9 months agoRareBlur posted on PurplePillDebate.
Feb. 9, 2016

> Maybe its an issue with interpretation?

I think it is an issue with the actual sub itself and anyone reading it from the surface and from a point of view where they are already assertive can often interpret it as telling people to be dominant.

I think the TRP journey is suppose to take a man to eventual assertiveness but someone from the point of view of low confidence / courage / assertiveness will have a hard time trying to adjust to "assertive enough" in part I think the point is for him to aim at dominance and let that balance his submissiveness / fear and hope he lands at assertive.

It seems really risky though you can really wreck some relationships by being to aggressive in your behavior.

I really suggest reading 7 habits I think it can teach better ways to be assertive than TRP. I think it can also help with those in relationships or seeking LTR to be better communicators.

Edit: I really think TRP stole a lot from 7habits, like "Abundance mentality" and "consideration / courage" except the TRP sub has twisted all these ideas by now into "Alpha = Good / Beta = Bad"

Just married! [R]

3 years, 11 months agoDec. 23, 2015


3 years, 11 months agofhigurethisout posted on RedPillWomen.
Dec. 26, 2015

"7 Habits of Highly Effective People"

It's excellent!!! I recommend it 100% and wish I had it back when I was a teenager. The title is misleading, it sort of sounds like a "how to be successful" book. But it's WAY beyond that. It's more about working on your internal "compass" (your values, your perception of the world, mindset, etc) and how to apply that to your external relationships.

There are a lot of RPW concepts, such as realizing that you can only control yourself (don't hamster on external things you can't control), being aware of your behaviour, the importance of listening to understand, truly empathizing and connecting with others, etc. There is great family and marriage advice in there too :) The audio version is lovely as well, if you're into that.

I teach high school; thinking of starting an entrepreneur course. Help me write the syllabus/course. [R]

4 years agoNDominator posted submission on Entrepreneur.
Nov. 17, 2015

I think everyone here can agree that a course like this could help the younger generation, especially those that are debating on going to college.
This course, in my mind, isn't aimed at creating the next Zuckerburg. It is for the myriad of students that I have that are forced to come to school to learn Shakespeare, and end up failing and causing disruptions because they know that all they want to do is one day own their own mechanic shop, or maybe become a construction worker that could one day run their own company. This isn't to say it's for blue collar jobs only, I just mean it's for the kids out there who don't want to be a surgeon, they want to work on their own. I want to help teach these how to run a real, profitable and viable business.
Obviously there are a lot of people that will have different views, opinions and beliefs as to what is right/wrong about this course, or about education in general, but do me a favor jump right to the point of what you would teach, where would you start, and how you would go about doing it... This is definitely the best place to source this info from, so I'm looking forward to hearing what you all have to say.

In order to get this course approved by my Principal, I have to present a well thought out course structure (everything I'll be teaching), how it will benefit the students and what they will walk away with. This is going to be a starter course- think along the lines of starting a lawn mowing business that can be scaled up later on. I doubt I'll be getting into specifics of Facebook Ad conversions and stuff, but who knows. So, broad concepts for now... Thanks friends.

To answer a couple of repeated questions: I teach High School in Lubbock, Texas. We are a comparatively small rural city, 5 hours from the closest 'big city' (Dallas). We are a great place to start a small business, but the influence of technological startups are a little less prominent among the majority of students. My background: I have an antique store/ebay business that has afforded me the ability to purchase farmland, as well as cattle to supplement the off season/grazing lands, as well as a couple of rental properties. This generates enough passive income to allow for retirement by the time I'm 35 (I'm 26 now). I also have a startup that I'm trying to get off the ground called rsvpeazy ( - renovating right now). I teach high school for the health insurance for my family and because it pays off student loans. I'm not an expert by any means, but I know enough to be able help some of the kids that assume that college debt (or back-breaking labor) and a '9-5 till you die' is all there is.

The responses have been incredible, and I'm completely gracious. Thanks for such a helpful community. I'll be sure and post some updates as the development process continues, but please keep giving advice/ideas in the meantime.

4 years agoNDominator posted on Entrepreneur.
Nov. 17, 2015

I've been a founding member of my University's fellows program (think leadership program but more involved.) and in the past week the school of business has had a Q&A with a president/CEO of a global company and a marketing specialist give a presentation.

These two events have had a bigger impact on me and what I've been thinking as far as starting my own business, getting a job, handling interviews, and more than any class I've had here to date.

A good company to look at is Innovation One and the Innovation One challenge.

Also get this book in their hands it is too important to their development to be left out: Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

For our fellows program which includes a class next semester this book is the backbone to a lot of what we're doing for the school of business here at my University.

What books are best for a guy taking over a small food business owned by his family? [R]

4 years agobeley posted submission on smallbusiness.
Nov. 9, 2015
4 years agobeley posted on smallbusiness.
Nov. 10, 2015

Here's my top 5 list of business / personal productivity books I think every business owner should read:

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey Don't let the title fool you, this is a book about high-level priorities, successful relationships, and living a fulfilled life. It's probably the most impactful 'self improvement' book I've ever read. My first real boss gave me this book and a Franklin Covey planner when I started there as a senior in high school. Trust me on this one... I re-read this book about every two years because as I've gotten older (got married, had kids, owned a business, etc) I've gotten a lot of different things out of the book.

The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber Document processes, build a system, like you were franchising your business. There's a reason McDonald's and Walmart grew to be two of the biggest companies in the world. If you can't step back from the business and it still run without you it's not a business, it's a job.

Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs I fumbled through my first few businesses... especially with the finances. I took accounting and economics classes in college but I still didn't really understand how that P&L and balance sheet applied to my business. This book puts it all in perspective and was invaluable to me in understanding the finances of our growing business.

Getting Things Done by David Allen Whether or not you use his productivity system, the theories and application of them in this book will be worth it for you. The short of it - our brains are great at critical thinking, brainstorming and creativity, but they're awful at remembering things and when we try to remember too many things, they have a way of reminding us at the most inopportune time (when we're trying to focus on an important task, for instance). The solution is to get everything in a system.

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C Maxwell If you're successful in growing your small business, you're going to eventually be leading people. Whether it's two people or two hundred, this is a great book about how to lead well.

There you have it... some great books didn't make the cut but I think those are the best books for a new business owner to read. Once you've read those, then come back and ask for suggestions specific to marketing, advertising, management, etc. and we can recommend some more specific low-level books.

Books on becoming a better woman? [R]

4 years agoJexthis posted submission on booksuggestions.
Nov. 6, 2015

Hey /r/booksuggestions!

There are books out there such as 'The Way of the Superior Man' and 'King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine' which act almost as guide on how to behave more masculine.

However, are there books out there that are almost like a guide on how to behave and embrace a feminine mindset, or any self-development books catered towards females in general that act almost as a guide towards: relationships, love, career etc.


4 years agoJexthis posted on booksuggestions.
Nov. 7, 2015

Specifically a woman? I dont know but I know I would reccomend The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Update on me [31/F] with my husband [28/M] of 8 years, he wants to separate, and I'm having trouble dealing. [R]

5 years, 12 months ago[deleted] posted submission on relationships.
Dec. 6, 2013

Original Post:

Update 1:

Okay, Reddit, you have given me excellent advice on my last two posts, which I greatly appreciated. I read and re-read each opinion and thought, and I thank the time all of you took to help me get through this process. So here is where my husband and I are now.

The background: He told me, after weeks of one-word sentences and general grumpiness, after I continually asked him what was wrong to the answer of "nothing", I got an answer in October regarding some general unhappiness with our sex life and how I didn't give him enough answers about the status of our finances. I told him I understood, and we came up with a plan to rectify those two issues. After four weeks, the grumpiness and shortness with me had returned, making my life generally miserable. I was doing everything he asked, plus all I could to take care of our three kids, make all the meals, clean, and work a very demanding full time job. And he was around, and would help when I asked, but was just... Upset. So that Saturday we sent the kids out to play, and I told him that I was a pretty good wife, loyal, not crazy, I took care of things, I met his needs, and I really didn't deserve the treatment he gave me. So that turned into an argument where he told me that he loved me but he wasn't in love with me. That he had lots of resentment towards me, and that it was too late and generally unfixable. Further information to that is found in the original post and the update.

Which brings us to today. We had our second therapy appointment today. He is going because I told him our relationship deserved a try. It can't be the end if I am never given a chance to fix the "resentment". He agreed, though he maintained that it wouldn't work. The first appointment was general introductory stuff, and we were left with an assignment to reconnect. Ten minutes a day, talking about what we appreciated about the other, new information in our life, puzzles or things we've been thinking about (those last two would be outside of our relationship issues) and also our wishes or hopes for the future. We both agreed at today's appointment (our second) that it was pretty nice. To have, as my husband said "human contact". I liked hearing that I was appreciated for things that I do around the house and for him. So we are to continue doing that.

Now, onto today's appointment. We were to talk about the resentment he felt towards me. The therapist had it done in a very structured way, which was great. I feel like I really understand for the first time, WHY he has resentment towards me. But, we ran out of time to talk in detail about what to DO about it, and that it was I am having a hard time with that. I don't want to make things worse before I can ask these questions to the therapist, so I need some help from you, wise internet strangers, to help me figure out and process this information.

So, a little further background. We have been married nearly 7 years. In 2010, we bought our current house. We had been living at my mothers for nearly a year, but she wasn't there, because she had moved across the country to be nearer to my sister and basically "try something different". But this isn't about the multitudinous issues that my mom has, per se. We found a renter for my mom's house before we moved out, but after we had been in our new home for about 6 months, my mom decided to move back to the area. But there were still renters in her place. So we (yes, we, we talked about it first) offered to let her move in with us. Now, it was not perfect, right from the start. We had conflicts with my mom. She has a pretty strong personality. But she's also helpful with the kids, and when she's not blaming all her problems on someone else, she's pretty fun. My mom is divorced, and she and my dad had a pretty crappy relationship. While she was certainly not blameless (though she doesn't admit much of that) my dad was pretty much a cheating asshole, so that sucked for her (and us growing up). So she's pretty much a man hater. Which meant that while living with us, she made some pretty unnecessary jabs at my husband. I did not agree with her at all, but I've lived with my mom for a long time. She's set in her ways, and the best way, in my opinion, to "deal" with her is to just ignore what she does, and if she starts ranting, agree with her until she stops. I just say ok to everything she says (no matter how ludicrous), because that would stop it. Otherwise (or maybe even still) if you argue with my mom it just won't get better. It's kind of like arguing with a brick wall.

Other background: (thank you if you are still regrading!) I work in a decision maker position in my company. I'm a pretty quick girl, and I've been successful in what I do. (Tooting my own horn here!) my position requires me to make decisions, and make them quickly. I am not good at that, by nature. I wouldn't be nearly as successful if I hesitate, so I bring a lot of work home with me so I can be extra prepared, and I have learned to just go with my gut a little more. But it's exhausting. When I get home, I prefer to just turn it all off, because my "batteries are dead". I don't know quite how to explain that in any other way. If I do have to decide anything, I think about it for a while before I make it. Run scenarios in my head, etc. I don't like to make mistakes.

So that brings me to the resentment issues of today's therapy appointment. I do not disagree with what my husband said, I can see how he feels, though I can't figure out how to deal with what was said since it is so new to me.

Resentment issue 1: I emasculate him. When I process decisions in my head, he feels as though my "decision" is an order, and he's more there to carry it out. I am much more easy going than that. If he had voiced something contradictory, I would have happily gone with it, but he never did. So I can try to change the way I ask questions, or use our connection time in the evening as proscribed by the therapist to ask his input on decisions and pose the questions in different ways. He's been asked to let me know when he starts feeling emasculated, so I can apologize, and back off, and rephrase. Okay, I can buy that. We both communicate better, there will be minimal misunderstanding.

Which brings us to resentment issue #2: my mother. When she would say degrading things towards my husband, or men in general, or at best ignore him unless she needed some sort of "man work" done, it hurt his feelings. He would complain to me, and I would emphasize. Then he would tell me that I needed to do something. In particular, confront her about her behavior and make her change. I did that sometimes, but not every time that he asked. Working so much as I do, and hating conflict, and knowing it wouldn't help anyhow, made me drag my feet in talking to her. It would have just made things worse. He acknowledges that, but said that his resentment stems from that because my refusal to confront her made him feel abandoned and alone.

This is what I am having a hard time processing. I was put in a lose-lose situation. Confront my mother under his terms, make my life worse with her, or not confront her (enough, or on his terms) and have my husband resent me to the point he wants divorce. So here I am. (Oh, key point: my mother does NOT live with us any more. Her renters moved out and she left this year and went back to her house. She's been out for about 5 months, our issues have been going on for two.)

So how do I work through this resentment that he has? How do I help him see that just because I didn't go about it his way, I was still on his side? How do I let him see that he put me in this spot with his specific requirement on how I interact with my mom, and while I understand his feelings, I have absolutely no idea how I would have done it any differently. I have no clue how to do that, or how to let him know better that we're on the same team and I NEVER had any intention of making him feel abandoned or like I was picking any side that was not his. He was 100% in the right with my mom, but so was I when I was a kid and I still agreed with her because when her mind is made up, it's a lost cause, a waste of time. So what's next, reddit? How do I process this? Can this be saved? I can't change the past, but if I could, I would have told my mother off in a heartbeat, had I known this was the outcome. I love my husband and I want to keep my relationship. But I feel as though his response is kind of hypocritical. Had I done that back then, and still mistakenly caused some sort of resentment, then I would be without my family AND facing divorce. Apparently I must not be worth it enough to try to get us through this, to trust. Apparently our relationship is weaker than I ever thought it was.

So, can it be saved? What do I do? What should I do the next time I'm faced with a lose-lose situation? And again, thank you for reading, and any insight you all may have.

tl;dr: Therapy has finally made me see exactly why my husband has resentment towards me, which makes him want to divorce me. But I don't know how to fix it, and what I should do next, or how to process this. While I understand his feelings, I don't know how I could have done different to present the resentment, and I'm looking for advice and outside opinions. Thank you again.

5 years, 12 months ago[deleted] posted on relationships.
Dec. 7, 2013

One thing I've noticed after reading your posts is that there is almost no empathy towards your husband. Don't get me wrong, it is obvious that you are deeply concerned, but it feels so...cold.

Every time he tells you what is wrong, you are more concerned about finding the perfect solution than listening to him and empathizing with him. This is especially true when you talk about the relationship between you, your mother, and him. Despite your efforts, it doesn't really seem like you care. If you go down this road, he is going to become even more reserved, and both of you will become more frustrated.

I'll refer you to this book: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People


Search for this term "Four Autobiographical Responses" (page 124 in that PDF), and read that chapter. It won't take long; By the end of it, how you communicate with your husband will probably improve ten fold. This is also something that I do had a lot of trouble with, I had no idea what I was actually doing wrong until I read about it in that book. Completely changed how I interact with people, for the better.

As the author puts it

" When people are really hurting and you really listen with a pure desire to understand, you'll be amazed how fast they will open up. They want to open up. Children desperately want to open up, even more to their parents than to their peers. And they will, if they feel their parents will love them unconditionally and will be faithful to them afterwards and not judge or ridicule them. If you really seek to understand, without hypocrisy and without guile, there will be times when you will be literally stunned with the pure knowledge and understanding that will flow to you from another human being. It isn't even always necessary to talk in order to empathize. In fact, sometimes words may just get in your way. "

I suggest reading everything under "Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood". From your post, It seems like you have trouble empathizing with anyone, your mother included ("agree with her until she stops"). If you put a lot less effort into trying to determine who is right or wrong, and finding a solution, and more effort into just listening and empathizing, you will be amazed at how much your situation will actually improve.

What is one book every future Pharmacist should read? [R]

6 years agoNov. 11, 2013


6 years agoparadoxical_reaction posted on pharmacy.
Nov. 11, 2013

Besides all the pharmacotherapy books that others have mentioned, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is pretty handy. The program I'm at focuses a lot on their administrative residents, but this book definitely helps in any field, for that matter.

Anyone else addicted to computer/internet use? [R]

6 years agoNov. 9, 2013


6 years ago[deleted] posted on NoFap.
Nov. 9, 2013

Basic strategy should be to replace its benefits.

But I understand your point. You've already made a long way. Reading a good book is a nice point to start using less internet. And I would suggest this one aside some entertaining literature. You could engage in a local sports club. At my place the Karate club offers beginner training on regular base. That sport is very good for building self confidence, discipline and calm. You also get to know local people. I started at age 26, so you can make that, too.

All the best, man.

I need some advice about a situation at work... [R]

6 years, 2 months agoSept. 17, 2013

I have been working at my job for a year now. I'm always punctual, i do my work, and i try to be friendly. However to describe the atmosphere in my office, everyone is quiet and off doing their own thing (as in people are too wrapped up in their own personal lives). People are generally not talkative here.

We hired a new guy 6 months ago and he is the life of the office in ways i could never be. He is very much an extrovert. He's good at his job. And my god, is his a kiss ass. He can spend hours in the bosses office just talking about anything and everything. And he knows what hes doing. I have eaten lunch with this guy and he told me once "I'm very good with people. I can sell you the shoes right off your own feet. Why do you think im so close with "bosses name".

He's a brown noser and he knows it. He even told me once i should be bringing the boss her cup of coffee (even though he doesn't). This guy can get anyone to like him. The boss likes him too. Shes always giving him jobs and talks to everyone else in the office, but gets mildly annoyed (at times) when i try to talk to her. It bothers me even more that this guy sits on the damn phone talking to his fiance or other people about things going on in his personal life, while i get stuck answering the phones.

I can't compete with this guy (ive tried). I know if a promotion comes along, hes going to get it. I don't know what to do. I just keep telling myself to keep my head down and do your work.

6 years, 2 months ago[deleted] posted on jobs.
Sept. 17, 2013

What's your current reason for being unhappy? [R]

6 years, 4 months agovelvetrevolution00 posted submission on AskReddit.
July 15, 2013

No judgement, I'm just here to listen.

Edit: Wow guys, it's been a journey. It's 1 AM and I have to be up for work tomorrow. I just want to say how happy I am that you all shared this with me. I'll respond to a few more, then I'll be up and back at it tomorrow. Peace <3

Edit2: I lied about going to sleep. I stayed up longer and read more of your guy's comments. It's actually very moving that you'd share all of this with me and I truly thank you. Unfortunately, I have so many comments that I honestly can't keep up with them all. A lot of them have to do with the same issue, so I strongly suggest you read through the thread and connect with some people that are going through the same thing. I'll do my best to comment on a few more, and I PROMISE to read every single last one of your comments. Even if I don't respond, I want you to know that I did/will read it. Goodnight folks. <3

Edit3: Edit2 bothers me. I want to reply to everything. Some of you deserve recognition and I feel like just reading them isn't enough. I see your problems, and I empathize deeply, I just can't reply to every single one. I'm sorry guys. :(

Edit4: THANK YOU to those of you out there who are also replying to people! I noticed some comments I was reading already had some replies. You people are saints. :)

Edit5: Follow-up. I'm still responding to some of the comments that are coming in, but I also wanted to mention that a fellow Redditor has made and invited me to moderate /r/whatsbotheringyou

If you would like, we can respond to some of your problems that you submit there in the form of a text-post. Cheers. <3

6 years, 4 months agovelvetrevolution00 posted on AskReddit.
July 16, 2013

Depression: anything but BigPharma anti-depressants. I mean, for seriously depressed people maybe, but for depression lite, stay the fuck away from those. There are natural anti-depressants: As you start to meet your goals, your depression will lift unless it is clinical.

Anxiety: GABA, propranolol, pregnenolone, phenibut XT, diet, exercise, meditation, self-help books.

Degree: Lie on your resume, have friends be your references for fake job experience. It works but some may have a problem with this, but most jobs you shouldn't even have to go to college for. If you have a problem with this, then start your own internet business and hire yourself but fail to mention you own the business. You get experience in your field and your resume looks better (or volunteer). I don't advocate being a liar in everyday life, but ridiculous modern HR theory has made it nearly impossible to get a job without lying.

Girlfriend: Yeah, that is very depressing but seriously, dating today meh, one day you'll be fine with being single and then you'll find someone. I found a girl by getting a job where I hired others and "hired" someone I thought I could date. That worked out very well. Online dating? Join a club/group where you see the same people each week. Bounce around until you find the right group with someone you might like to date in it. Having a very close same sex friend helps!

Family issues: Hear that. One day you will choose your own family. In the short term, avoidance of drama is always good.

Fear of failure: We all have that. You just have to soldier it. You have to say, "I'm going to do whatever it takes to not fail." Everyone is a winner because being human is something special. I am sure every day a homeless person says or thinks something that should be put into a history book and pondered.

Body image: that is totally under your control. If it is weight: drink more water, drink coffee instead of excess food, try e-cigarettes with zero nicotine for a guilt-free flavor boost. GABA lessons cravings. Chew gum. Lift weights. Still, most people are fugly anyway and there are a lot of married fuglies. I bet you are much more attractive than you give yourself credit for. There is always some culture, some race, some individuals that will see you as the ideal.

Nootropics... they make you smarter. The smarter you are, the easier it is to succeed.

The single most important thing you can do is write down your goals and put them up somewhere. Read them often. Make a list of the steps you will have to do to get to your goals and check them off. Overcome procrastination by doing the "fun" things on the list first.

Make self-help books your bible:

P.S. Your post could have been written by me at 21. It worked out for me with the above steps. WHATEVER WORKS!

Goodreads challenge 2013 halfway point progress check! [R]

6 years, 5 months agosalydra posted submission on books.
June 30, 2013

I opted to challenge myself to read 50 books this year and am almost finished #35, so I might adjust my target to 75.

Anyone else loving this challenge? How's it coming along?

6 years, 5 months agosalydra posted on books.
July 1, 2013

My favorite non-fiction is probably The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. I was impressed by how substantial and concrete the book was. It wasn't the usual self-help fluff. Favorite fiction is harder to choose. I read all the available books for A Song of Ice and Fire and plowed through them way faster than expected, so they would probably win favorite.

What non-technical books have helped your career? [R]

6 years, 5 months agorossiFan posted submission on sysadmin.
June 10, 2013

Just looking into reading more books lately and have read through The Phoenix Project and The Consulting Bible - both of which were very good reads.

What do you have in your library that always sticks in the back of your mind or has helped your job immensely?

6 years, 5 months agorossiFan posted on sysadmin.
June 10, 2013